Weird accidents that are strangely hilarious

[SnakeyMcBadass]

I got up to check on the DC last night and tip toed across the squeaky landing. Returning to the bedroom, I somehow managed to walk/bump into the lever door handle. The door handle threaded itself down the side of my pants, stopping any forward motion of said pants. My arse, however, was still in motion. I was still on tip toe, managed to get a front bum wedgie, and tip forwards. I put my hands out to stop my fall, and DH woke up to find me doing a weird half handstand while attached to the door and muttering 'Fuck, fuck, fuck'. He pissed himself laughing rather than helping to free me, the bastard. I have a cracking bruise on my hip and a carpet burn on my elbow, but the pants are still intact. I am quite impressed by the engineering, tbh. Anyone else hung themselves upside down from a door?

Worst thing was snakey i was in a very customer facing role at the time and of course everyone asked what i'd done to my face

OK, heres mine, or rather DH's.

We live in a small close on the side of a very steep hill. One christmas it was very icy and no cars could get up the hill and DH had to collect the turkey we had ordered for christmas so he decided he would walk. A few seconds after he had left I realised he had forgotten the order confirmation so I opened the front door to call him back. I was just in time to see him go sailing down the hill on his bum with arms and legs in the air and smack into the dog poo collection bin at the bottom of the hill. He had slipped on the ice trying to get up the hill and couldn't get a grip to stand up. Oooh I did laugh!

Mine was when I sat on the loo and the toilet seat went one way and I went the other, landed up on the floor wedged between the toilet and wash basin.

Cycling with a friend on a disused work site. Friend ducked under a piece of 2 by 4. I didn't. Went full pelt into it smacking my forehead. Stopped dead and crept under whilst workmen and friend pissed themselves.

Phone rang and ran downstairs to answer before the machine kicked in. Trod on the cord of my dressing gown tripped and bumped down the stairs. When I played it back you could hear the WHOOPS, bump, bump bump bump bump, bump.....ow!

At a gig in Brixton academy that my friends were doing. Called out on the stairs to a friend on the other side of the stairs (loud enough for the whole foyer to turn around and look) missed a step and landed the wrong way round with my glasses at the top of the stairs.

I could go on (and on and on!)

Dog coffin!!! Hahahahah! That made me laugh so much!!

Omg the Great Dane peeing is just hilarious...

As a very new and professional midwife I was turning on a shower on for a lady who had had a section and who was very sore.... At the same moment she appeared at the door with her wash bag the shower head flew off the wall of the small ensuite bathroom and SPUN at 100mph round my head....
I flooded the bathroom, the room and part of the corridor... I was wet through to my knickers and found my patient slumped over the bed hanging onto her scar, hyperventilating with laughter begging me to leave the room....
As I walked down the ward for help I left sopping footprints in my wake and of course it was a rare quiet day so I found the coffee room full of staff who immediately pissed themselves laughing whilst going to rescue my patient. I had to do the rest of my shift with damp hair and in scrubs that had damp patches in the knicker and bra areas...

11yrs later, on my last week in the job I did it again, in the same room only this time I was telling the story as I did it AND covered the person I was telling

I also toppled into the birthing pool which was occupied at the time and slipped under a bed in a pool of amniotic fluid during an emergency....

I think they should have paid me danger money.

I was once a little drunk in a train station toilet I pulled up my trousers leant back against the wall to do up my coat and slid down about a foot, thought nothing of it said bye to the people I'd been out with and got on my train home, there was nowhere to sit so I had to stand and I remember thinking it was a bit drafty, eventually after 30min train ride and a bus I arrived home for Dh to ask what happened to my trousers? I'd ripped the pocket off, I'm presuming most of the back pocket was hanging from a nail in the toilet.
I was wearing a thong, if travelled nearly an hour home with my arse hanging out.

Dh is mad at me. Apparently I'm a terrible mother for letting ds sit on the worktop.
He didn't laugh about me whacking our pfb with a hot spoon.

My entire family was at mass. We were sat on the front two rows. My dd was 4 at the time. I saw her duck down and thought she was picking something up. It was right at the solemn, quiet bit of mass and suddenly a little voice said "I'm stuck" and she really was. She had got her head stuck under the pew. The front row was shaking with silent laughter, my dbs had sweat rolling down his face trying to hold in the laughter. My dm was on the second row and hissed in a loud stage whisper "get her out". Two if us tried with no success so dd waited until the quietest moment and sighed resignedly "I'm going to be stuck here forever". Luckily dbs freed her soon after but by this point the whole church was full of snorts and shaking shoulders.

Omg Doris - you faceplanted a woman in labour, in a birthing pool? Crying laughing here

This is a very old one but still makes me laugh.

First cycling proficiency lesson in primary school. We just had to ride across a Y junction and pull up behind a parked car. We'd all done stopping and starting in the playground so absolutely no biggie at all.

First person goes, stops and pulls their bike up on the pavement. Next person goes off, but way too fast and can't stop in time behind the parked car. She and the bike go straight under the car and if we hadn't seen her do it we'd wonder where she'd gone. We all run over and pull her and the bike from under the car. The most hilarious part was that her face was covered in soot from the underneath of the car. She and the bike were unhurt but she was so annoyed with everyone pissing themselves. She just shot under it!

DameFanny (apt name BTW)

I kind of slid in head first reaching to listen in to baby as I am short and the pool deep (and sunk into the floor)... The woman was oblivious... The partner less so and hauled me out, laughing...
Had a wet forehead, arm, shoulder and right boob as I turned to protect eyes and mouth from what is actually body fluids...

[laughcry]

Was staying in a B&B with a very tall ex (over 6foot5). We decided to give good old doggy style a go, but as he hopped up on the bed he lost his footing, fell backwards and got wedged between the edge of the bed and a wardrobe. I couldn't move I was laughing so hard, he had a big scrape all down his side & hip from the wardrobe and was like an upended turtle. It took me forever to pull him out, was weak from laughing!

Every time I think of the bastard I think of him wedged there and not able to move, brings a smile to my face every time :)

I've just spent god knows how long reading this and crying, thanks OP

When dd2 was a baby she woke up crying one evening (a 45 minute-ly occurrence), so I went upstairs to bf her back to sleep. Realised I was desperate for a wee so went to the rarely used toilet at the end of the hallway. Had a wee, all good, washed my hands then went to turn the tap off. The tap actually came off in my hand and water started pissing out, almost hitting the ceiling, and landing all over the carpet. I was on my own and had no idea where the thing to turn the water off was, so I had a cunning plan.

I legged it out to the back yard and grabbed the metal bucket used for putting the ashes from the wood burner in, ditched the ashes in the wheely bin and ran back upstairs, where dd2 was going absolutely nuclear, still unattended to. By now there's a full on flood on the bathroom carpet. I put the bucket upside down over the sink and hooked the handle over the one good tap, so that the water hit the top of the bucket and went back into the sink. I heard the doorbell, so tore back downstairs to find one of the Indian chaps from the takeaway next door, informing me that water is coming through the ceiling into their kitchen. I explained the predicament and he came right back with some tools, and managed to turn the water off on that sink. I thanked him profusely, showed him out and finally went to feed poor dd2, who was still screaming her lungs out.

Lay down and she latched on, only to hear the doorbell go again. I answered it to find the same Indian man telling me that my wheely bin was on fire! I didn't realise the ashes were so hot when I chucked them in! So had to tear downstairs and take a hose pipe to the flaming bin.

Possibly the most hectic 10 minutes of my life!

This ALWAYS kills me ... When buying paint at the B&Q make sure it is in the boot of the car

Having a family day out at Greenwood thingy, DSs playing on stilts ( the plastic cup and strings type) asked H where his mother had gone. ( Enter stage left) odd 74 yr old MIL, on said stilts. Now the woman had a superpower.....she would go arse over tit, stone cold sober, walking on a perfectly flat surface.

H and I stood speechless and watched as Mil took 3 steps atop stilts and then, in slow motion, staggered forward, stopped in mid air and fell flat on her back. Legs in the air and regulation Sloggi knickers on full show.

Did we rush to pick her up? Nope. We were frozen in shock, me, H and 3DSs. H then took a photo picked her up. She was a chunky daft old bat and bounced well.

last year I was leaving my house to get into my dads car. It was really icy and I had stupid shoes on. As soon as my feet hit the pavement they shot up in the air and I literally sprawled on my back. My grumpy dad peered over the bonnet and said 'why are you lying on the floor? Get up for gods sake'. Which was funny-to my mum

Oh no just remembered something else.

A few years ago I was sitting on one of those high office chairs up to the reception desk in work. I leaned back and the chair broke sending me flying backwards in front of the waiting room . Matter made much worse by my manager and some even higher person from the LHB coming out of her office to loss themselves laughing at me.

I have also done the walk smack into lampost. Twice. And once a wall. I am soooo clumsy

Not me, but a friend who is very clumsy.

She'd gone blackberrying with her dad. They'd parked up by a field, climbed over a rickety stile, and picked a huge bag of blackberries from bushes around the edge of a recently ploughed field. Job done they made their way back to the car. Friend navigated the ploughed field and stile with no problem. On reaching level ground she lost her footing and fell backwards into a hawthorn bush, and ended up sitting in a nettle patch.

Early last year I decided to fit the new toilet seat as had been nagging dh to do it. The old toilet seat was a bugger to get off so I decided to whack the screws...WITH A HAMMER . Of course (duh) I missed the screws smashed the ceramic. Ended up having my hand glued and a tetanus AND paying £100 for a new toilet plus plumber to fit it. It was the day we were first snowed in too so had to pee in bucket for a few days. To this day you are the ONLY ones who know my 'injury' came about after I got overzealous with the hammer. My dh and even the a and e nurse think I leaned on the ceramic a bit heavy and 'there was already a hairline crack that had weakened it'. Yeah right.

I really am a disaster zone. Just yesterday I put washing up liquid in my dishwasher draw to clean it. Of course I had a mini foam party in my kitchen. Why why why....

Bet you'd love to live with me. Common sense has left the area.....

Oh, stop, please all stop you are killing me and DH is about to call the men in white jackets

I am wheezing and crying, proper tears and snot . This thread should come with a health warning.

I once went arse-over-tit on a bright summer's day outside my workplace, I must've tripped over thin air or something. Anyway, I find myself lying in the middle of the car park with my (full) skirt over my head, knickers on show. So I jump up, smooth my skirt down, quickly look around to make sure nobody has seen me - nobody had, big relief. I go in, speak to somebody at reception (on the office side, not the customer-facing side) until the member of staff I am talking to says to me "PD, do you realise you have blood running down your leg?" . No, I didn't. Huge deep gash on my knee...
To this day I sometimes shudder when I consider where she thought the blood may have come from .

I need a wee lie-down ofter this thread, I really do.

Im in tears at the sad pillowcase, OMG, that's just sooo funny

FFS, DH is watching 'Aircraft Investigation' - hundreds of people just died in a horrific air crash and I am sitting here howling with laughter: so inappropriate!!

I recall many years ago going to the zoo and wanting to see the sugar gliders in the nocturnal house. We'd already been into one enclosure where you opened the outer door, then went through an inner one. So, I opened the outer door, and walked through the doorway opposite it. Except it wasn't. It was a brick wall.

Is it possible to upload photos from a phone? DS got his head stuck in the toilet. Instead of healping him I ran downstairs to get my camera....