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Original poster

A dog shat on my picnic

197 replies

marmaladetwatkins · 18/04/2011 12:55

So I threw all of my picnic food in the bin because it made me feel like vomiting my spleen out. DH says I was being a bit OTT but honestly, I do not like dog shit.

WIBU to waste food after a dog shit on my picnic blanket?

OP posts:
Original poster
marmaladetwatkins · 18/04/2011 14:23

It was red, green and blue tartan with a thin yellow stripe running through it. It was finest, erm, Monarch of the Glen tartan.

And it is BINNED.

It was a huge field attached to a park. It's a riverside park type thing.The area we were sat in is for ball games/picnics/snogging teenagers/barbecues. And now scat-festivals, apparently Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
marmaladetwatkins · 18/04/2011 14:27

I will try and draw it but I fear that my novice drawing skills will not do justice to the full horror of the event :(

OP posts:
TeaForEveryone · 18/04/2011 14:37

Just found this thread. PMSL at Bum Gravy. Really cheered me up! Grin

Mumofaflump · 18/04/2011 14:41

No Aldi hoops then?

I always manage to find the dog poo. It's like I am a magnet for it.

Sigh.

NorfolkNChance · 18/04/2011 14:47

Oh dear I have tears running down my face and my DD (bless her) thinks I am laughing at what she is doing so is cackling along with me!

Original poster
marmaladetwatkins · 18/04/2011 14:49

Perhaps this is cosmic balance for the time I told that woman to pick her dog shite up from outside my home, a few weeks back...

OP posts:
DontCallMeBaby · 18/04/2011 14:49

I'm actually reading this on a picnic blanket in the park, sniggering wildly and scanning the horizon for below-averagely legged dogs ...

BringBackGoingForGold · 18/04/2011 14:50

Best.Thread.For.Ages.

And yes, 'shat' is the funniest word in this great great language of ours.

And yes, this story is even funnier because the dog had three legs.

MidnightsChild · 18/04/2011 14:50

Oh I lurve this thread ... I've felt so miserable this morning, but this has had me absolutely howling with laughter. Thank you, thank you, thank you Grin

Oh & YANBU of course ...

MissMarjoribanks · 18/04/2011 14:52

I am crying with laughter. Grin Particularly at shitty pedantry.

I would have chased it away with a stick in my mind, but in reality probably would have sat there openmouthed and then been terribly polite to the owner, just like you, marmalade.

Anyway, I needed some cheering up as we are in suspected chicken pox isolation and DS is miserable, whingey and spotty. My boss is being terribly understanding, but I know he really wants me to get my arse into work and do some. Thank you for brightening up my day. Grin

Bit0fFunnyBunny · 18/04/2011 14:58

I love this thread- especially limitedperiodonly's Proustian turds Grin

Original poster
marmaladetwatkins · 18/04/2011 15:00

"I said i would kick a dog up the arse once on a thread with Valhalla on it."

Was that the same thread in which expatinscotland talked about hitting a dog with her walking sticks? I cracked a rib laughing at that thread. It was absurd and Valhalla tore us new arseholes.

OP posts:
CheekyLittleSox · 18/04/2011 15:01

Eurgh i think i would have done the same.

Mumofaflump · 18/04/2011 15:04

I had a client at work called Mrs Shatwell once...

BringBackGoingForGold · 18/04/2011 15:08

flump, Grin. How did you keep a straight face?

limitedperiodonly · 18/04/2011 15:12

I knew a policeman called Inspector Bowell.

He insisted on it being pronounced Bow (as in dough) Well.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 18/04/2011 15:13

Actually, given the description of your, erm, classy picnc menu, are you sure it wasn't Jay Rayner a food critic disguised as a threelegged dog?

complexnumber · 18/04/2011 15:14

Dog is singing:
It's your picnic and I'll crap if I want to, crap if I want to
You would crap to if you needed a poo.

(To the tune of 'It's my party' if you didn't recognise it)

Original poster
marmaladetwatkins · 18/04/2011 15:16

You disrespecting mah picnic?

OP posts:
ilythia · 18/04/2011 15:23

Oh god. I am dying of laughter.

ACtually dying.

Sorry about your picnic though.

BringBackGoingForGold · 18/04/2011 15:24
GabbyLoggon · 18/04/2011 15:25

you would need to be very hungry to fancy a dog sh+t sandwich.

Seriously there are said to be 7 million dogs in our country. They all defacate.
Its a frightening thought. (my area took a non poo picker up to court the other day. ARE YOUR AREA PROSECUTING?

Original poster
marmaladetwatkins · 18/04/2011 15:28

I prosecute them myself, Gabby. Then I give them some Marmalade justice i.e smiling coyly then slagging them off after the event on Mumsnet.

OP posts:
thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 18/04/2011 15:29

Ahhhh marmalade that's too funny - sorry!!! (I seriouslt nearly woke the baby up with a snort laugh Blush )

Think I would have done the same like, lots of Hugh Grant-esque: "Er Ummms, oh um that's alright" to dog owner, then to DH "Feckin dog with his shitty arse, bloody owner, stupid tw*t - I've a mind to shove a bottle of Jeyes up thier arses" Grin

PoledrathePissed0ffFairy · 18/04/2011 15:31

Oh God, that is so funny! since it didn;t happen to me

Since Val's busy remonstrating with GetOrf, I can whisper quietly that DH probably would have forcibly removed said shitty dog from the vicinity, though generally by its collar rather than using his boot.

Mind you, kicking the dog into the river might have been a Good Move, as it probably needed a bit of a wash....