should i feel annoyed when people call my sons "the twins" as if they don't have names of their own (i'm a twin myself and I KNOW this used to, and still does annoy me)

[mum2double]

Hello, I'm new to this thread (and to any type of thread to be honest) i have identical twin boys who are now 10 months old and i can honstly say that i love it. I am VERY lucky with the support i receive, being an identical twin myself i have family that truly understands the additional help required.

What i do hate however is when people just call them "the twins" as if they don't have names of their own (i'm a twin myself and I KNOW this used to, and still does annoy me.

Would love to talk to other mums as the one thing that has come as a bit of a surprise is how much i miss adult company during the day (i have given up my career to look after my sons).

Boys names are Thomas and Samuel (and am i the only mother of idetical twins that sometimes mix them up?)

XX

Hi mum2double. I'm not a mum of twins, but I am the aunt of 5 yr old identical twin boys. My sister has always worked very hard to ensure that her boys were seen as individuals. They have always worn diferent clothes, and have different haircuts. I occasionally call them "the boys" - as in "We're going to see the boys today", but have never, ever called them "the twins". They've been lucky with teachers so far, and the teachers have absolutely recognised them as individuals and will talk to my sister about their different personalities, skills and talents.

I've taught one of a pair of twins who were incredibly identical (if you see what I mean). I know that their mum occasionally muddled them up, especially when they were running across the playground, or when they were in the bath. They swapped classes for an entire day and I didn't notice !

I hate the term "the twins". Mu girls do dress the same occasionally, and pretty much have the same hair, but they are quite different in personality. As I have 3 girls I tend to call them "the girls" but never, ever the twins.
I don't know why girls feels better, it just does.

I'm the same as bibi, I call my DTDs the girls, never the twins, I'm really not sure why I think this is ok though! BIL calls them the twins on the rare occasions he sees them as does their 8yo cousin and I hate it

I dont like it when my Dts get one invitation to a party between them or a Christmas or birthday card to both of them.It only leads to arguments as to whom it belongs to. They are 2 people after all. When mine started school and therefore dressed the same I was always getting them mixed up at first. Like Littlefish says, when they are naked it is harder to tell them apart too! From the back I can never tell who is who. I too dont like the term "the twins".

I would have a quiet word with the offenders who do it regularly!!

And no, I get mine muddled all the time, they've just had they're hair cut today and I can't tell them apart at all

i am currently helping with my 3rd set of twins.

I call then "the babies". Is that ok or equally annoying?

Ie "how have the babies been?"

I would hate to be insulting the families unknowingly.

I think it would be nice to address them individually Paula - their mums might not mind, but then again, they might, but are being polite

One twin might have had a good night, and the other, not so good. I think that calling them "the babies" or "the twins" assumes that they will have had the same sort of night. Addressing them as individuals from the start recognises and celebrates their differences as well as their similarities.

i don't mind the term "the boys" as brothers they would be called that whether they were the same age or not, i certainly didn't mind being called the girls as i was growing up.

Glad i'm not the only one who has trouble telling her children apart - my mum says that it only got easier as we hit our teens and had VERY different dress styles.

As a twin myself i remember vividly getting joint presents and joint cards and HATING it, the only way it worked out ok was when my parents gave us the option of joint presents i.e. a stereo and then it made sense to share as we had the same room (only caused problems when the first of us moved out and then we had to decide who it belonged to.

I think i may be rambling a bit today, my sons have just gone to bed and i can hear a few noises omitting from their room!!!

When mine were small we called them 'the babies', but I have always avoided calling them the twins and have had words with my mum when she did. She was offended, but almost always uses their names now. My dad nearly always calls them 'the twins' and it really annoys me, but I don't see enough of him to make a big deal of it - I always make a point of using their names in any conversation where he says it in the hope he'll get the point .

Like Bibi, I have 3 girls and collectively call them 'the girls', but otherwise use their names.

I absolutely hated being referred to as 'the twins'. I have 2 older sisters and my twin was a brother. Even my parents used to talk about 'the girls' (my older sisters) and 'the twins@'. Well, he's alright, he's a boy but I'm only a twin, not a girl.

Can you tell it really bothered me ?

I am a twin, and always hated us being referred to as "the twins". Also, there was a girl locally who could never tell us apart (even though we usually wore different clothes) and would call me (or my sister) "Twinnie" .

I think anything you can do to establish the individuality of your children is good. I get on fine now with my sister, but hated the idea of being treated as a clone.

I would also agree with all those who say you (and others) need to give them separate cards, presents, invitations etc.

another twin here - and echo SnowMuch - I still remember how I felt when we received one birthday card to the twins which was not uncommon - have also come to dislike the term - we are not the same, wqe are not even the same gender but people still seemed (in my eyes as a child anyway) saw us as one.

I have twin girls and I've always tried to avoid referring to them as 'the twins'. What gets my goat even more though is the phrase 'twinnies' .

If you don't have any other children I fail to see how it is different to calling them they boys or the girls.

Yes, it's awful. I can understand how you feel even though I don't have twins.

Crikey ladies, it's got a bit steamed up in here!

I have boy girl twins and don't mind at all what they get called. Their christian names get all sorts of abbreviations and I don;t mind so I certainly don't mind if they are the babies, the twins, nippers or whatever. What matters to me is how people behave towards them and believe me, they soon work out that have completely different personalities and act accordingly.

Not a twin myself, nor parent of twins, but elder sister of twin brothers (with another sister above me - so two singleton girls then twin boys).

My brothers used to get called TheBoys, which I thought was almost as categorising (sister & me didn't get called TheGirls). They were so much not called TheTwins that I used to do a double-take when acquaintances called them that - so it was never bothering, just weird. Can you think of it that way, OP?

PS as they got older they became a kind of compound of their names - so the equivalent for the OP would be her boys becoming "Samntom". And I think that's how my brothers think of themselves - as that compound. So be prepared!

I have twin great aunts who were 99 last week and they are always referred to as "the twins" or "the aunts" collectively and by their names individually!

This is very interesting to me as someone is is about to become the mother of non-ID twin girls, with no other children. We've certainly been calling them 'the babies' while they are still in the bump and I don't really have a strong feeling/opinion one way or the other about whether that changes or not when they are born.

One thing I had thought about already is dressing them the same or not (mostly because that seems to be a very common question I get asked by other people) - and my feeling is that I won't dress them the same, unless they get to a point when they are older when they want to dress the same in which case I'd be fine with it. So I guess I will be the same about them being called 'the twins' or 'the girls' - if they don't like it, I will fight hard to make sure no-one does it but I don't think it will bother me personally. Me & my sister (8 year gap) always got called 'the girls' and I don't remember disliking it (certainly not as much as I hated my mum/grandma/dad calling us by each other's names which seemed to happen a lot!)

we avoided it to the point where we ended up having a big showdown when the boys reached 3.5 and the subject came up - then they were both angry and insisting they were NOT TWINS!

I called them the babies, and then the boys. I grit my teeth when the preschool call them the twins and if the school do the same I will ask them not to.