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Multiple births

When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

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Original poster

Coming home with twins do I send toddler to stay with Mum?

15 replies

MillyY · 30/07/2018 23:37

Hi, we have a 2 year old and are expecting twins (only 14weeks so still a while to go) but am looking for advice.
I'm thinking about what to do when we come home from hospital, I assume my hubby and I might need a couple of days to adjust to our new lives as the parents of twins, but what do we do with our toddler? I was thinking of having him stay with my mum for a couple of days but would he feel displaced when he comes home or do I ask my mum to come and help us at our house? Would this be too chaotic?
Just wondering what other people in our situation did. Thanks

OP posts:

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TynesideBlonde · 30/07/2018 23:46

Could your mum stay with you?

sleepyMe12 · 30/07/2018 23:46

Definitely ask mum to stay with you

PrimalLass · 30/07/2018 23:47

Of course you should not send him away so you get used to the new babies. Just don't.

TynesideBlonde · 30/07/2018 23:47

Sorry just reread your post. I’d not send him away.

Hideandgo · 30/07/2018 23:51

It would be fine either way so do whatever you feel comfortable with and best for everyone. Pros and cons to both options.

Littlechocola · 30/07/2018 23:53

Ask your mum to come to you.

SpottingTheZebras · 30/07/2018 23:59

You might feel displaced but your toddler even more so and the last thing any toddler needs at that time in their lives is to feel pushed away. Please get your mum to stay with you and help with the twins whilst you give your toddler extra cuddles and reassurance.

BendyBusBuggy · 31/07/2018 00:00

Having a toddler at home when you come home should be fine, as you'll have DH there.
I'd talk about support from DM for the eventuality that one or two don't come home straight away though

RoboJesus · 31/07/2018 00:01

If you're toddler would love it then yes. If not I would see if your mum could stay the first week

AllPowerfulLizardPerson · 31/07/2018 00:04

Sending your toddler away is a recipe for disastrous levels of sibling rivalry. From the toddler POV, they're being pushed out for those horrible new babies. This is the time when the elder child needs more attention, not being sent away from home.

If you need more adult pairs of hands, ask your DMum to come and stay (B&B if you can't face yet another person sleeping over)

redspottydress · 31/07/2018 00:07

I promise it's not as bad as you fear it will be. Your toddler would be terribly confused if you sent him away. He needs to be there when you start your journey as a family of 5.

GreenTulips · 31/07/2018 00:20

I arranged for toddler to be at the hospital so we came home together

Sent hubby back to work after 5 days! He was under my feet and he was happy to go back to work!!

Twins are easier in someways to one, and your toddler will be a good help. Tell them these are his babies and mummy needs to feed the baby mummy needs to change the baby so he understands it's you and not the baby taking you away

Oh and learn some songs and stories so you can talk to him while your hands are full

Good luck

Original poster

MillyY · 31/07/2018 01:38

Thanks everyone, my gut instinct was to ask my mum to stay with us but didn't know if it would all be a bit overwhelming for all of us. You just overthink things too much sometimes. Good to get a second opinion from those that have been there and survived!

OP posts:

fortyandfrumpy · 31/07/2018 02:05

I had twins when my eldest was just two. It was hard but ok. You will probably find that you will get lots of offers of help. Make sure you take people up on it!

Twins2018 · 01/08/2018 00:39

I would include and involve him. The twins should bring a gift for him when they arrive . Tell him how important being their big brother is going to be and how excited they are to be coming to live in his house as part of your family. Newborns sleep/feed/pooh a lot in the early days so you will have plenty of time to snuggle up with your 2 year old. I put our twins in Moses baskets to keep them at arms length from our youngest. It is tough at the start but you will get in a routine and get used to it. Take it as it comes. Plenty of positive praise will help him adapt to the changes. I think sending him away would give him a negative message and make him feel insecure.

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