Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Multiple births

When do you start showing with twins? What is life with twins like? Join the conversation on our Multiple Births forum.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

What do you think of giving twins separate birthdays...has anyone done this ?

27 replies

mozhe · 18/05/2007 00:24

My DDs are one soon, we've strived to treat them as individuals from the start,ie; no dressing them the same, own belongings, don't refer to them as the twins and giving them individual time with self, DH and nanny..having said that they are very close and sleep in same cot,( v.big american cot-bed so not too squashed !),and babble away in their own little language to each other. I'm wondering if we should give them their own birthday celebrations as they were born either side of midnight they do actually have different birthdates...my DH is a twin and thinks this is odd but can't really say why...Agree it's more faff and won't really matter this year except I guess it might set a precedent for future birthdays ? What have other twin parents done...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Boredveryverybored · 18/05/2007 00:30

I don't have twins or any experience really, but seeing that technically they do have diff birthdays I don't see why not if you're prepeared to do two different b'days for them.
I think it might be nice for each of them to have their own day but equally when they're older they might quite like to share one!
Sorry I'm no help at all am I

jampot · 18/05/2007 00:47

in my experience kids tend to have their parties at weekends anyway or as close to teh birthday as they can get. I think its important to celebrate them as individuals so would give twin A card and present on the one day and then likewise with twin B on the next.

That said please be careful not to go too far the other way and make them feel weird about being a twin. Im a twin btw

mamafeelgood · 18/05/2007 08:27

i have identical boys and too never dress them the same, have individual moments with them etc... but i celebrated their first birthday together and plan to do so in the future (until i'm sure they're teenagers and speak to no one including us and each other, just disappearing with their mates and a cheap bottle of cider!)

i strongly believe in the individual presents but have to admit that currently as toddlers they want the same things and play with each other all the time. i see this as a sign that they want to do things together as mates. therefore, next birthday in september will be together.

however, if later when they are older and can express the fact that maybe they don't want to do the same event/theme/ or have different friends then i would consider 2 seperate parties, and they're born 2 minutes apart on the same day.

so i would say at such a young age it makes no difference. birthdays are flexible events (unlike xmas which tends to repeat year in year out) and therefore keep your life easy at first and unless your children express that they want a seperate party don't do it. you treat them as individuals in the every day so i don't think that you are pushing them into being twins.

having said all this, your children were born on seperate days so that does make it tricky!

whatever you chose to do i remember thinking on their first birthday that i was the one that deserved the medal for getting there in one piece, sane and with happy healthy kids!!

enjoy your party/parties
x

milge · 18/05/2007 08:35

I would do one party, but seperate cakes, cards and presents.Worked so far for me, but I am taking it year by year, I can imagine when they are 9+ they will want seperate parties, which I will do happily. At one, your dt's aren't going to hate you forever for throwing a joint party.

Original poster

mozhe · 18/05/2007 10:12

Thanks....I'm particularly interested in what grown up twins feel as DH,( though a twin himself...) never gives much away...Realize it isn't a big issue at one but they do have 3 older brothers and I'm sure they will notice what happens..

OP posts:

MarsLady · 18/05/2007 10:23

I was reading about this in the Spring issue of TAMBA yesterday.

Joint parties until they request something else.

My DTs are 3 are so far it's all a joint effort. They are girl/boy and I know that in a couple of years he won't particularly want icky girls any more than she'll want stinky boys at their parties lol!

But until then... joint(and I'm not talking wacky backy people... though with hindsight................)!!!!!!!!!

TinyGang · 18/05/2007 10:32

Oooh that's a tricky one. How unusual to have them over two days - I nearly had mine like that too, but they both arrived just before midnight.

Hmm - I agree they should always have their own cards, cakes and presents - mine don't share those parts of the birthday, rightly so imo.

In your situation I might mark each day with a small, family birthday tea etc. If you want to have a big party with friends (maybe whe they get older they'll want that) then ok to share it but maybe have that on another day so neither dt feels the party is landing on her day.

As they get older and are at school, you may find it easier to do any parties at weekends only anyway which might not be the actual birthday(s)

I think when mine are much older they will want to do totally different things to mark their birthday.

That'll be ok - expensive all in one hit I suppose, but then I wouldn't have thought about it that way if they'd just been non twins with totally different birthdays.

Original poster

mozhe · 18/05/2007 10:38

I like that Tinygang....a small birthday tea,( well a late-ish tea as both days are on a working day for me...),with cake and champers,( for us adults..)for each DD will be nice....Two lots of fun for everyone then. I guess we're lucky really as they do actually have birthdays on different days.

OP posts:

TinyGang · 18/05/2007 10:43

Champers two days in a row is good too!

Happy birthdays to you dd's!

menageriekeeper · 18/05/2007 10:56

Mine have a joint party, and separate presents, cards etc. Now they're older, I also ask them to invite their own particular friends - so many each. This also helps other mums, cos they only have to buy a present for the triplet who invited their child!

Twinmummyx2 · 18/05/2007 11:27

Awwww-i always wondered what parents of twins do when they are born on different days myself!

I guess it is entirely up to mummy and daddy, and then when they are old enough to decide for themselves then i am sure they will tell you.

My boy/boy twins love getting excited together about their birthdays and so far have done joint parties as the school they go to is small so they have the same circle of friends.

I am guessing my girl/boy twins will have seperate parties at school age?!

stripeybumpsmum · 18/05/2007 11:50

No personal experience but do have friends with twins born on Christmas Day. From year 1, parents had 25th June and 25th Sept as a special day for each - obviously can't really have a party on Xmas. Kids now 18 and very very different people - much appreciative of being recognised as such and have really happy memories of 'their special' days.

Hulababy · 18/05/2007 11:54

I thinkt hat as they have seperate birthdays I would be tempted to keep each day special to that child. Cards and gifts on that day, and their own birthday cake. I think that the fact they have different birthdates is something I would want to preserve anyway.

But for ease of trouble, esp later on when older, I would have joint parties - I'd do this with two non-twin siblings close in age anyway as easier to organise.

hecciesmum · 25/05/2007 15:08

hi - don't normally come in this bit of the forum, but am thinking hard about another bub amd being a twin myself,,,,am wondering how likely it would be to get a multiple.

ANyway - re birthdays, my Twin brother and I always had a shared birthday and to be honest I think it was great. We always had much bigger parties than we would have otherwise had, presents were still individual and we had our own cakes once we were a bit older - although when we were little we shared one. I'd keep them on the same day.

I know that everyone at school thought we were incredibly "cool" for being twins....and I think if you split their birthdays you will confuse them at this stage and that might spoil their "twinness". Not sure I am making much sense with that last statement, but when you are little it's very reassuring to have that strength of link with another - I couldn't have imagined growing upwithout it - even though as adults we are quite distant.

My two boys are 3 years apart, but bizarrely their birthday dates are only 2 days apart. We had the first joint birthday this year which was a great sucess and will hopefully keep it that way for a while.

Spider · 25/05/2007 15:13

If they were born on different days, I'd certainly give them seperate birthdays, yes. What a rare quirk for twins. You could say they get the best of both worlds.

I would perhaps do a joint party (the public birthday bit) but then do the family thing seperrately with different cakes etc.

ScottishMummy · 25/05/2007 15:22

if they have differnt birthdays of course, why not , if it is their actual birthday

adelicatequestion · 17/06/2007 21:55

My boys have always had a joint party but separate presents and 2 cakes. This year (they will be 7) they each want a party in a different place!

I have told them to get their heads together and find one venue they both like. The same week its also my DD and Dh birthdays. If I split the boys I would be pulling my hair out.

accordiongirl · 21/06/2007 20:13

Wow! Born either side of midnight. That's fantastic. Definitely give them their own birthdays but you could share the party. Mine were born on Xmas eve so they're gonna share their birthday with Christmas as well as each other - we're thinking of giving them a half-birthday on June 24 as well to spread the presents out! Any thoughts on this anyone? X

leprechaunlizzy · 15/07/2007 23:02

My girls also have different birthdays,born either side of midnight,with 28 minutes apart.They were 5 last week and to be honest we have never had a separate party for them even though they know they have different birthdays,we always have separate cards,gifts but just the one cake(mostly because it usually ends up in the bin.This seems to work fine for us and I dont think I could handle the hassle of clearing after one party to go straight to another the next day,but thats just me.I suppose others have different views on this.Oh sorry I am new to this site so hello to all,and happy birthday to your girls whatever you decide.Oops forgot to add the girls give each other a pressie and card on their Birthdays.

ApuNahasapeemapetilon · 15/07/2007 23:04

i would givr them there own day - as you say - that is there real birthdays

Tortington · 15/07/2007 23:08

i think it would always be shi for the second twin. seeing sibling open things and have fun first.

even if they know they are having fun thenext day - somehow will not equate n small brains.

SoMuchToBits · 15/07/2007 23:08

I'd say separate cards, presents and cakes, and give each on their own actual birthday, but possibly at this age a joint party. Then when they are older, they can choose whether to have a joint or separate party.

I think it's great for twins to have separate birthdays, as it gives them a bit more of their own identity. And well done for treating them so much as individuals - I'm a twin and wish my parents had done this more with us.

luckylady74 · 15/07/2007 23:12

my 2 year olds demand to be treated the same so i couldn't cope with the fuss if one got to have a birthday before the other - they don't demand to be treated the same as their older brother by the way and we do treat them as individuals - boy girl so easier.

SlightlyMadSpider · 15/07/2007 23:15

I agree with Custy actually.

They may only have been born 'minutes' apart - despite being on different days - but to have their birthdays on differnt days delays DT2s by a whole day, and it is not as though you can say well this year it will be your turn to have your birthday first etc.

The scond twin will always have to wait an extra day, and may get jealous of the fact that her sister seems to get more attention (she won't notice that she gest the same attention the next day). Furthermore if the second twin gets similar presnts - either from you or other family/friends (which inevitably she will) the 'surprise' will be ruined. She will never get to discover for herself what is in her presents.

Having said all that - I think you would get away with it this year - and next year maybe but after that I think it would be bordering on cruel for DTD2 in many respects.

legacy · 15/07/2007 23:22

Won't their friends and family include lots of the same people though?
And isn't it a bit of a faff/ hassle to have the same people for a similar event twice?

DS1's friends who are twins have separate parties, but they're 8 now. When they were younger they had joint parties, but each chose their 'friend list'/ separate ckaes etc...

Flip

1 2