have become tired shouty mum

[beachesandbuckets]

Baby twins (9mths) and two older dcs. Just recently have become irrationally angry and cross the whole time - for instance this evening babies were making that horrible whingeing noise before they are able to speak when I gave them their dinner, dcs demanding various things, arguing etc (as they tend to do), babies started full blown crying, my dinner ruined, and I just lost my rag and started shouting at everyone (including the babies), upsetting my older DC particularly as she is quite sensitive. Then I felt rotten when they were all in bed. I seem to be getting furious quite often, start off being calm and happy, then its a drip by drip effect building up anger. Not sure if its my hormones (am dropping breastfeeds so maybe my period coming back?). My Dh was at work and my parents, who usually help out, are away at the moment. Anyone with young twins and older dcs have any words of advice?

Try not to give yourself a hard time - you were dealing with 4 kids on your own.

I don't have much advice, I'm still pregnant with my twins, but have 2 other dc and I certainly have my ranty moments!

How much help do you have with the kids, could you rope someone into helping at teatime/bedtime a few days a week? I know that's when I have least patience left, and the kids start to act up. An extra pair of hands some days would make it easier on you? It might make it easier to bite your tongue on the other days.

Also I don't always eat with my dc (yes, I know!) because I like to eat without background whining and being able to sit down without constantly responding to their requests. While they eat I potter around the kitchen and tidy up, so I'm chatting to them and using the time usefully. Would eating separately on some days help?

But honestly, I don't think you're a bad parent getting a bit shouty at tea time occasionally, you have a lot to contend with.

I do empathise with you, it is such a mammoth task!
I'm expecting twins and have 2 ds already, and this is exactly what I'm worried about. I'm already too shouty when trying to manage on my own and feeling exhausted and uncomfortable.
I read somewhere about CBT but have not looked into it properly yet. I end up feeling so guilty and rubbish and think part of the problem is that I'm trying to get a million things done in preparation for twins' arrival which means I don't have enough time to play.
I am terrified about managing when it's all 4!
I guess it's about taking it one day at a time.

Huge, huge sympathies, I know exactly what you are going through. I can only suggest as much time out for you as possible (it doesn't get easier for a long, long time, if you don't get time out tolerance levels get worse and worse). Strict routine and structure so the kids are not over hungry when they do sit down to eat. Close your ears to the whining as much as possible. Distraction - give the babies something they can eat by themselves until you are ready to help them. Find someone to talk to about it all. Its a huge relief to share it a bit.

It's the combination of losing your temper then the guilt afterwards that makes you feel wretched. I know, I go through phases of this.

I always try to draw a line under it in the evening. If you don't the guilt only makes it more exasperating when something happens the next day & it will start again.

Get an early night (if you can) and take care of yourself. Try to prepare yourself, arm yourself with positivity and breathe.

There are much worse things than a shouty mum & it's not all the time. Cut yourself some slack & take care of yourself.