Pg with twins and DH is doing my head in over a car

[LindaLouLou]

Long time reader, first time poster We have one almost 3 year old DD and I am 5 months pregnant with twins. Shortly after we found out we were having twins, DH went and bought an old (1972) car and decided to embark on a restoration project. He's never done one before and is now completely obsessed. When he's not in the garage, he's glued to the laptop researching it. I have had awful morning sickness from the beginning, I feel very tired and I am just sick of DD and I being deserted for this bloody car when we have important things to do like get ready for our babies! This weekend he's been sourcing parts and he's been out in the drive all day now I don't know if he is just freaking out about the fact we are having two, or whether he's just being a selfish arse or this car restoration thing is some mid-life something. Commiserations and advice equally gratefully received.

Hmmm have DH similarly engrossed in a complicated project at the moment. Luckily I am not expecting twins (as far as I know!!) I think it is escapsim for them, they are simple creatures and tend to find babies much more emotionally stressful than we do :P Maybe try and make a little stress free time for the two of you with no pressure to talk about babies (there are a few months to go yet) and just watch a film and cuddle on the sofa or whatever. Let him get used to the idea and gradually he will calm down a bit!!

My husband doesn't have a car do-up, but he is very keen to embark on projects in the garage - which is on the far side of our garden. He likes to think if he is on site, even if it is out of earshot of the children, he is around and helping. I'm not sure what the answer is because I have explained to him several times that this is not the case, but I don't think he really gets it.
He is basically a kind bloke, but he also had very little idea how physically hard being pregnant with twins was and never will.
Interestingly, his way of coping with the news that we were expecting twins was to research the new car we would have to buy to cope with 3 under 3.

My one suggestion is to catch your DH in a good mood and set up some kind of deal: he gets x hours on the car sat morning, but in the afternoon you swap and you get a few hours to do what you want. Is he telling you how important it is to get the car done for the new arrivals? If so, maybe you could agree and big him up a bit, but also list a few of the things you want to get done.
Best of luck!

I'm quite interested in what 1972 car you have We have a 1972 VW, along with DD1 and DTs! So I know exactly where you are coing from. However I am not sure what to advise. Fortunately my DH doesn't spend too much time with the VW, but this means quite a lot of £££ in the garage instead. I had a very easy pregnancy with DTs, but (sorry to warn you) life with DTs in the early days was very full on and we needed all the support we could get, not just DH, but family too. It's getting easier now that DTs are 3 but I think you probably need to nip it in the bud now. You need to let him know that it took 2 to make the kids, and it will take 2 to look after them.

But it does get fun. All our kids ove our classic car and freak out when they see another one on the road. He just needs to get the balance right.