how do you deal with racist family?

[cheapandchic]

Ok my cousins and aunt/uncle on one side of my family are extremely racist. My husband and I and our children are a real mixed bunch. These racist family members do live in another country, so we do not see them often, however my mother does. and we will be seeing them shortly during a visit.

They constantly make the most horrendous comments and my mother gets upset but says nothing. She never wants to 'cause a problem'...but I want to put my foot down and not let my children near these people! My mother thinks I am crazy. How do you deal with family gatherings when I want to see some of them...but NOT the others?

Hi cheapandchic,

I've got a yucky racist brother, but we don't actually talk at all, he was not happy that I brought "a foreign baby to the family" ..... !!!

Needless to say we haven't spoken since I was about 2 months pregnant, except for when he caused my mum a lot of trouble so I sent him a few text messages to tell him what I thought....

Exactly like you I would never put up with it. My brother has kind of distanced himself from the whole family so it's unlikely I will be in your position.

Have they met your husband and children?
How have they behaved in front of you before?

I told my brother in law that if he did those comments in front of my children he is not coming in my house. I told DP that if he says bad things against races or gays in front of children I'd move!! I am very radical for these things!

No experience as none of my family are racist, but if they were, I think Id just cut them off.

I couldn't expose my children to racists like that and I think it is very important to show your children that you won't tolerate it.

Re the issue of not wanting to be around the racist ones but wanting to see the non racist ones, I think Id have to forgo the good ones for the bad...and expect the good to follow suit, if they dont, well, they arent that good IMO.

I see that this is an old thread but it would have got more responses in AIBU because of the sheer volume of traffic.

My answer is to cut them off because they are not worth the headspace & stress. Two of my brothers have married none asians & none muslims and as a family we have been ostracised by some of the extended family. Life is much simpler now because we dont see certain people.

I would tell them straight. Keeping the peace is not a reason for DCs To grow up feeling there is something fundamentaly wrong with them.

If anyone makes comments tell them that you do not wish To hear, or subject your family, To their narrow minded and hatefull opinions, so please keep those opinions To themselves if they wish To mantain contact with you.

I had to cut my mother off because of disgusting vile views then she pretends it's all gone but the truth still destroy our relationship as mother and daughter. I will not have anyone like that in the presences of my children. As if mixed race couple don't have it both enough from both sides of each other races. For some people in the world their mentally is still stuck in slavery times. It's outrage.

This is very sad we live in the twentieth century and our values opinions morals religion ethnic or personal behaviour etc should NOT inter-fear with the way we choose to live our lives.....especially as we live in an era where we are taught that EVERYONE has EQUAL RIGHTS and HUMAN RIGHTS... no matter their age,race,religion,sexual orientation etc etc

Most racism in my family is from the Dh (South asian) side of the family.

Fortunately my close family isn't racist, but I've cut off a racist uncle and aunt.

If you cannot fully and completely accept my kids, sorry for you. Goodbye.

They would no longer be part of my life. Their loss.
As a mother to a mixed race child it is my number one priority to ensure that he always no that everyone has equal value. I am his protector and need to lead by example.

I have not had to cut out family but a couple of "friends" have had to go.