Would their be any interest in a compulsive/addictive shopping thread?

[theworstaddiction]

I have some problems and would love some support.

Oh dear TWA, that's awful for you. I don't have this but I have two good friends with it and it has seriously affected their lives but one has now got things under control and is soooooo much happier. She has managed to pull herself out after years of horrific over-spending. She would be taking clothes to the charity shop unworn with the labels still attached and still in the bag from the shop and so on. Although her addiction wasn't to high-end designer stuff she got herself into trouble with the volume of stuff she bought. T-shirts for £10 add up fast and for some reason she was particularly bad with household stuff, cleaning things and so on. She spent a fortune at Lakeland. She lived in a massive family house and whole rooms were given over to being 'utility cupboards'. She turned a corner when she changed cities to train as a nurse and was so busy that she didn't have time to spend plus was renting a room in a flat and didn't feel the responsibility of looking after her mother/her mother's house.

The other person is one of my best friend's DH's. He has alcohol issues as well and with him it's a different thing - like if he's not drinking a lot then he's buying a lot. He's a real gadget's man and although he isn't a 'volume spender' he just has no sense of 'I can't afford that'. Iphones, 4x4, latest whatever. It's very stressful for him in the long term and it's hard for my friend.

I hope you can get some support with this. I've heard the CAB can help if you've overspent but if it's an addiction then I'm guessing you need more than legal advice. Good luck.

Thats inspiring to hear some pple can overcome it Speccie.

I'm going to try its just hard to know where to start.

Is it an all out compulsion or have you got a particular weakness? Like clothes or furnishings? Could you think about addressing your issue around that?

As I guess you know deep down, it is definitely possible to overcome it. (And what with the credit crunch you might even consider yourself fashionably frugal! )

Its clothes. Which makes it worse as its so selfish.

I think my marriage is at breaking point not surprisingly about this - I think I will have to tackle it on a few fronts.

Message withdrawn

You're not alone pet. x

Hummm. My dh is at the end of his tether and seems to want to call it a day - I don't blame him really. Its very serious - we had a chat last night and we have never been so close to splitting. He wanted me to go but I can't leave the children - it would be too hard on them. Oh dear.

Oh TWA I'm so sorry to hear that.

Have you been to see your GP, know it sounds mad, but sometimes stems from general depression I think, and having someone to talk to can help. How do you feel otherwise?

My SIL has a problem too, you are def not alone! she has stuff all over the house in bin bags that she has worn once, then buys more, and they are struggling with third baby etc. My brother has just paid off her credit card again, but he is very unhappy.

Hope it works out.

Yes, I have tried the GP before but was too embrrassed to go back. I have to try again.

Thanks

Am going to:

Go to counselling with dh
See GP about personal counselling

Start selling on ebay
Cut up cards

Try Debtors Anonymous 9(though am bit scared by religious element)

TWA, just taking those steps will be a big thing, and I'm sure DH will see that. Do get some help though, it's a tough thing to do on your own.

Hope it all works out for you.

Thanks for tipping me off about your thread. Those of us dealing with these issues know the spending buzz is all about escaping from deeper issues of unhappiness or dissatisfaction in our lives. I think at least now I've really identified what is driving me to spend. Do you feel you've managed to pinpoint what drives you TWA?

I'm getting to some sort of understanding but a part of me thinks its tosh and I'm just a selfish bastard. But I mean its not right is it? To have to continually run up debt? I mean mine is on quite a grand scale.

Hope we can help each other out.

Gosh, it's hard - cos we can't be there for each other when we're reaching for the cc's. Did you ever watch any of those programmes where they took in hand terrible overspenders like us - I hate to say it but there was always some underlying psychological issue - sometimes from way back in past - patterns set in childhood - not that they were damaged or anything, or even unhappy now, just that they'd made associations when young, like maybe parents give a toy instead of a cuddle or their time. One guy dealing with family disowning cos gay etc - I mean, you'd probably realise if it was something as big and obvious as this - mine is more complicated, and issues overlap - but I have recently lost a lot of weight and part of the programme i was on was great counselling which helped me understand why I turned to food - I honestly could have sworn it was just me being a greedy cow and liking my food - but it wasn't. I ate when I was tired, sad, bored, lonely etc. I pretty much figure I am now spending for the same reasons.