Long post… thank you if you get to the end!
I'm hoping there may be people here who have been through something similar and can offer both practical advice and a bit of support.
After many years of nose diving, about 6 months ago, my family ended up in severe financial difficulty and were eventually evicted from our home. We are still displaced and trying to rebuild our lives.
Much of what happened was connected to my husband's business. He is not a bad man and I don't want this to turn into husband-bashing. He loves his family and wants the best for us. However, he has taken risks and many of the financial decisions that got us here were driven by him rather than being genuinely joint decisions, and I believe he bears a significant share of the responsibility for where we ended up.
We were never truly financially aligned as once we had kids, he was the bread winner. We didn't have access to each other's accounts (a lot of these are tied to his work), many decisions were made without my involvement, and I often relied on information I was being given. On the surface it looked as though we had a comfortable life, but I didn't realise how much borrowing and financial pressure was behind the scenes.
The problems have developed over many years. Just a hole that got deeper and deeper until it felt almost impossible to climb out. Looking back, I think we both became paralysed by it and then crashed in a big way with the house repossession process- which I wasn’t aware that we were heading to.
I genuinely didn't know the full picture, eg I later discovered that friends and my own mother had lent my husband substantial sums of money without my knowledge. When alarm bells did start ringing, I did try to understand what was happening, asked questions and sought advice from professionals at different points, but often felt I was getting partial information, vague reassurance or being passed from one place to another. Quite often at the 11th hour, any major issues were resolved. I really wish someone had clearly explained just how serious the situation was becoming.
Once the alarm bells really started ringing for me, I increased my working hours, began building separate finances and put as much of my own income as possible into savings to create a rainy-day fund for myself and the children.
The difficulties haven't gone away. My husband's financial position remains poor, he has CCJs, and over the last six months I feel as though I have been constantly putting out financial fires caused by decisions he has made. I also feel that I've been set back in terms of my own choices, opportunities and financial security.
One of the biggest challenges is that we don't see what happened in the same way. What he tends to view as a setback or a blip, I experienced as catastrophic. Losing our home, seeing our family uprooted and still dealing with the consequences has caused a huge amount of hurt, frustration and anxiety.
The impact hasn't just been financial. Our relationship has taken a real hit, and so has the wider family. There is a lot of tension, resentment and sadness, and if I'm honest things often feel unhappy and bleak at the moment.
I'm now in my 50s and still have two children depending on us with an adult child also emotionally impacted. Claiming benefits or council help is not an option, so the safety net many people assume exists has not really been available to me.
I do own a small property in my sole name, but after crunching the numbers it isn't currently viable for me and the children to live there. If I'm honest, part of my anxiety comes from no longer feeling able to rely on my husband's financial judgement or financial contribution in the way I once did.
I don't want to leave my husband for various personal and practical reasons. What I do want is to become financially secure, knowledgeable and independent while remaining married. I want to protect myself and my children better, rebuild confidence around money and create a safer future.
Has anyone rebuilt from something similar?
How did you create financial security while staying in the relationship?
What practical steps made the biggest difference?
Are there organisations, resources or sources of support that helped?
How do you move forward when you no longer trust their judgement around money?
Thank you for reading. I'm looking for practical advice, shared experiences and perhaps a sympathetic ear from people who understand that these situations can creep up slowly over time rather than arriving all at once.