Settling the bill after holiday with a friend...

[KathyLoves]

So, my friend and I planned a once in a lifetime kid-free trip to Mexico. Finally, we got to go in September however I was signed off on stress leave from work the month before and I was very clear that I needed a break. It turned into a disaster, despite her being older and (I thought) more responsibile than me, (she's a very very senior civil servant and is often on the news for her job), she was a nightmare and the trip felt like I was her personal assistant not her friend.

Basically, she was inconsiderate throughout and showed no common sense.

She didn't have a working credit or debit card (forgot her pin number for the credit card, debit card doesn't work overseas) for the trip so expected me to pay for everything and said she'd pay me back.

I'm so stressed because she owes me a lot of money and we're not on the best terms because she made the trip so miserable for me and I told her I needed some space to de-stress as it wasn't the trip I was expecting.

More details-
This went on for the week we were away... she wanted to buy duty free ciggies and split them (but changed her mind after I bought them), she was sending me to pay for diet cokes on the beach (when I was drinking my own bottled water), she wanted to go on expensive day trips and the whole thing was incredibly stressful as she also couldn't organise anything herself (even her excess luggage on the way back she couldn't get sorted so I had to pay it at the airport for her... £130!!!!).

Anyway, when we came back I said I'd plug the expenses in to our cost share app when I had the chance (frankly, I was already stressed enough after the expensive holiday from hell and the idea of going through all of the receipts wasn't a priority). I paid the huge credit card bill out of my savings (which are now down to £300) and finally put the expense list together today... she owes me £1500. I was shocked (but it makes me feel better about that huge bill). This doesn't include the stuff I paid for her in cash (like tips, taxis, some drinks), the cigarettes she changed her mind about (fine, I'll keep them even though I don't need them) or little things like buying the odd coffee for her or snack.

She'll have a notification from the app to say I've added the expenses but I'm dreading her messaging me about. (Why do I even feel bad when she's the one who owes me money!?) I'm worried she'll quibble over things like foreign exchange fees or credit card fees (the first time she disrupted me on the beach to pay her bar bill she said 'I'll make a note that I owe you £2.50 for the diet coke!' and I said I'll be charged more on my card because of fees and it doesn't seem fair that I'm paying the difference... she pouted and just said again 'it says £2.50 on the menu')

anyway, her card magically worked when she had dinner on her own... she told me she tried it since and it wasn't working... I never got an explanation on it and I didn't have the energy to argue with her..

She saw you coming a mile away.
Quite frankly if you are that naive (read stupid) then perhaps losing this money will help you find your backbone.

I've known this woman for years. She's behaved well and this behaviour is so out of character for her that yes, I guess I'm trying to hold on to some hope that she had a brain tumour suddenly affecting her personality or something rather than she's a terrible person biding her time... It's very very strange for her to have been this ignorant on the trip.

That's quite rude. I don't trust everyone but I do trust my friends. She would literally lose her job if I reported this publicly so she has more to lose than just £££.

I meant that she doesn't want to be dealing with texts and bills when she's singing happy birthday to her mum or whatever.

I guess I didn't think about it or care at the time. In my head as long as it was sorted before I had to pay the credit card bill it didn't matter. It was my decision not to add it up sooner.

Itemise the bill and say this is how much you owe me.
You don't deserve this, and some people are just cheeky f**kers.

You’re not going to see the money, OP.

She didn’t want to pay for anything. Why else would she scam off you for the entire trip? Because - she didn’t want to pay.

What’s suddenly changed now you’re both home?

Nothing.

Believe me, if she didn’t want to pay ‘small’ ad hoc amounts as you went through the week - she categorically does not want to pay the huge lump sum now you’re back, and she doesn’t even get anything for it.

She saw you coming.

Small Claims Court. Threat of it alone should make her pay.

It’s pay day soon so make sure you get your “claim” in well beforehand. Give her your account details and give a deadline for payment. Keep it factual and without emotion.

Just be professional and don't overthink this. Send text 'hi name, hope your mother's birthday is going well, just to let you know I've crunched the numbers from Mexico and will let you have them early next week along with my bank deets, bye for now x"
You sound like your in awe of her and she has some myth/entourage of yes men around her to protect her from the reality of who she really is.
You can choose not to be part of that.

I had this happen when I went away with a close male platonic friend a few years back. He wasn't paid and didn't have money for things during I think the last week, so I subbed him, turned out to be £300 worth of meals etc.

He got a bit shitty with me about it but I was just firm and said, you owe me that money, I've got the receipts and we agreed to split money. So he paid.

Can't believe you are back a month and she has made no effort to pay you. You will have to completely up the ante if she makes any fuss and that includes exposing her on social media.

No way, so bloody what if it's her mum's birthday? She can still transfer what she owes you later on. Her mum's birthday doesn't trump the fact that she owes you money.

So, she had cash but you had to pay for things for her in cash and put things like a Diet Coke on your credit card? Surely it would be better to run a tab in the hotel and pay in one go rather than use a credit card to pay for single drinks. How did she get the cash out and why wasn’t she spending it?

There was no internet? It’s not hard to go into internet banking/revolt/paypal and transfer cash instantly.

She may have paid for an extra night in a hotel for you?

And, you may owe her money for other things?

Her card miraculously worked one night when she was eating alone and you didn’t call her out?

How was she so hungover, was this the night her card suddenly worked or did you pay for her to get pissed?

And you’ve taken a month to sort your credit card statements out and decided even though you think she’s a CF and your friendships over you not putting everything in the bill and not letting her know you’ve finally got around to it because you has a birthday event this weekend she has expenses, again you say you don’t care about the friendship anymore 🤔

All sounds rather BS to me.

Don't even engage with her over it.

If you've got proof (text, email) that she said she'd pay you back, then you go through the small claims. It's so easy to do online, we've done it a few times at work and the person pays almost immediately when contact is made... funny that

I'm wondering OP like some others, why you're giving her a free pass? Your friend is a CF, is taking advantage of your good nature and maybe even just thinks 'ohKathyLoves is paying for some/all of this for me'.

Don't be so passive.

Oh God Op, sorry but I think you need to prepare yourself for the fact you'll never see that money again. What a nightmare.

Be firm this was premediated plan to not pay

You're completely overthinking this. You haven't even told her what she owes yet!! Just send her a text, NOW, with the amount and your bank details. No extra info, no apology, no trying to make it nice and gentle. Just the details, that's all you need to do.

Just send the text. Doesn’t matter she’s away for a family birthday or whatever. You’ll feel better for having sent it.

’Hey friend, hope you are having a good time at birthday celebrations. Just to let you know I have finally updated the bill split app so all details on there & amount to pay back. Let me know when you’ve looked & I’ll send bank details.’

Then you can follow up after the weekend.

She 100% will not pay without prompting (hounding?) so don’t give her social engagements special consideration.

Just send the text.

Did she have access to her email? She could have paid you via paypal then

Exactly!

Why you think you’re going to get paid now you’re home, I’m not sure.

I know this is too late but why didn’t you just insist she transfer you some money into your account? She’s taken you for a fool OP and I doubt you’ll see that money again. I don’t say that gladly either, I had something similar with a friend and a laptop. It didn’t end well although I was able to ‘repossess’ the item go to her house and refuse to leave until she either paid me or handed it back.

You've had plenty of good advice about this time around. For the future, though, I do think you should look at getting a credit card for holiday use which doesn't charge foreign transaction or cash withdrawal fees, that leapt out at me from your post. Barclaycard Rewards do a good one, or Halifax Clarity is nearly as good (not as good on cash withdrawals), and the exchange rate is always really good, not the one you would get at bureaux de change, banks, and so on. If you just use your normal debit and credit cards, you'll be taken for a ride. I only use my Barclaycard and Halifax cards abroad, never in the UK. Pay them off in full every month and they're perfect, so much cheaper than other options.

So inconsiderate of her!

I was that person on a trip with my friend, and I tried to make it less annoying by offering a) to transfer her a lump sum at the beginning of the trip, and b) being the one to keep track of all receipts and calculations on my phone.

Was there a reason she couldn't have gone onto her online banking and tranferred you a couple of hundred quid when she realised her mistake?