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Original poster

Funeral who pays? Or funeral payment, anyone know about it?

24 replies

Millie3030 · 03/12/2014 18:33

Hi, lost my mum yesterday and trying to sort out funeral arrangements. There is no funeral insurance and my dad has been her carer on carers allowance for the last 8 months. They are/were both 60.
Dad has said that he will have to get a loan to pay for the funeral or is hinting he wants my sister and I to help. Which is easier for my sister as she is single, no kids, with a low mortgage and quite well paid. My DH and I are mortgaged up the eyeballs, moved a few months ago, overdrawn with a DH and no spare cash.

I'm surprised mum and dad didn't put any money aside for the funeral and hadn't prepared for it all, so now it falls on us. And I think my dad has money in the bank, but is very secretive and won't tell anyone his situation.

So what do we do? I don't know what people generally do when the funeral bill arrives?

OP posts:

InfinitySeven · 03/12/2014 18:37

The estate usually pays, as far as I know. But if she was on benefits, I believe there is a state fund, but the payment is really low and probably won't cover much.

I'm sorry for your loss, and your dad's.

FoxSticks · 03/12/2014 18:38

We were fortunate enough that there was enough money in my mum's current account to pay for her funeral. But I think a lot of undertakers will take an initial payment and then balance upon funds being released from the estate or a repayment plan.

FoxSticks · 03/12/2014 18:39

Sorry I hit send too soon. I'm really sorry for your loss

DelGirl · 03/12/2014 18:40

I believe every spouse gets a payment of c. £2k from the state. It maybe more. Sorry for your loss.

DelGirl · 03/12/2014 18:42

www.gov.uk/bereavement-payment/overview

Original poster

Millie3030 · 03/12/2014 18:43

Sorry I'm probably being it bit silly, but the 'estate' what does that mean? My parents house?

OP posts:

Rangirl · 03/12/2014 18:44

Sorry for your loss Your father may be entitled to some state help depending on income etc try the Gov.uk website You should aim to cut the costs to an absolute minimum I pay a lot of Funeral accounts on behalf of clients and they can vary wildly depending on what you ask for I think people are sometimes reluctant to seem mean and there is an element of it being seen as respectful to give the deceased a good send off Go with your Dad to arrange and stress that you want costs kept down to a minimum The funeral directors may want paying in advance

Original poster

Millie3030 · 03/12/2014 18:47

I went through the bereavement form and it sounds great but a bit too good to be true. £2000 from the state? I printed half of it off yesterday as the printer packed up, but I will try and get dad to print off the other part of it. Is that really true? That they will give it to someone if they were under pension receiving age? Has anyone claimed it successfully?

OP posts:

blackteaplease · 03/12/2014 18:51

Sorry for your loss . I think that the state funeral payment is means tested on the surviving members of the family. You could try calling dwp. Or a funeral director may be able to advise

DelGirl · 03/12/2014 18:52

I did, the funeral director told me about it. I wouldn't have known otherwise. There are some restrictions re age, n.I contributions etc. I've put a link abovd.

Momzilla82 · 03/12/2014 18:56

In my experience the funeral home takes a deposit and the bill is settled once probate is sorted. In this case (assuming your parents were married and your mum didn't have lots of accounts in her own name), this should be simple as joint account and house should transfer easily.

I'm so sorry for your loss but I honestly do not feel the duty to pick up the bill is yours. This is something that couples should discuss and make provision for. If you father has any savings or owns his own home, then hinting that you and your sister should pay is not on. Maybe I'm being harsh. I would be ignoring the hints if it is not something you can afford. We went for a fairly nice but not expensive coffin for my DFiL and a simple ceremony ( no mourners cars, v simple flowers) because he would have hated the waste. I seem to recall it came to around £1.5-2k. He had an insurance policy he had taken out 30+ years ago.

I hope you have some RL support, once again my condolences on your loss.

Fairyfellowsmasterstroke · 03/12/2014 18:57

"The Estate" refers to all your mothers belongings and savings which can be sold to raise money.

Her share in the house, any jewellery or personal belongings which can be sold will make up the Estate.

YvesJutteau · 03/12/2014 18:58

I think the point of the £2000 is that the deceased has paid NI payments into the system but hasn't survived to get a state pension, so it's sort of in lieu of that. Definitely worth looking into in your circumstances.

Original poster

Millie3030 · 03/12/2014 19:41

But won't my mums share of her house get transferred to my dad, which essentially means nothing. No money is released to pay for the funeral is it? And any jewellery she has wouldn't be expensive really, or be sold quick enough to pay for it.

I'm going to try and get dad to apply for the bereavement fund, as that will solve a lot of problems.
I don't think she had any savings, and if she did it would be about £500 and dad said he has sorted all her accounts a while back and closed her accounts. My dad is secretive about his finances, and known for being very tight, it wouldn't surprise me if he has a couple of thousand in the bank but wouldn't tell us.

The thing is my sister has offered to do the catering and venue for the wake which could be a few hundred pounds, but I don't have any money at the moment especially this close to Christmas to be able to match it. It bloomin frustrates me that they have known her diagnosis was terminal yet the had not discussed the funeral plans or even put the slightest plan for finances in place for when it happens. And the way my dad is dealing with it is "there are three of us (him and me and my sister) so we will all deal with this funeral together". Like its a joint payment type thing.

OP posts:

InfinitySeven · 03/12/2014 21:24

If he has a few thousand in the bank he might not be eligible, depending on exactly how much he has.

LegoAdventCalendar · 03/12/2014 21:29

The £2000 is means-tested. If he has £2000 in the bank he will be ineligible.

We have little money so are not having funerals - just cremated.

CatsClaus · 03/12/2014 21:35

I am sure my mum got that bereavement grant...dad was 62 when he died, and a friend of my brothers told us about it

and my parents were not on benefits...but it was a good while ago.

Original poster

Millie3030 · 03/12/2014 21:53

Thanks everyone, that has helped a lot. I will have to tell dad tomorrow that it depends on what he has if he is eligible for the bereavement fund. He will become secretive and annoying I know it, but I will then back off. He was shouting at me quite a lot today and stormed out and has ignored my texts so tomorrow will be difficult.

Still in two minds as to whether I was unreasonable in being surprised he didn't have a funeral plan in place, since her diagnosis. It's like he has buried his head in the sand for 8 months and now if playing the guilt card for me to offer to pay. But I suppose that's another thread on AIBU, not on money matters.

OP posts:

Itsfab · 04/12/2014 12:05

I am sorry for your loss .

I know your father is grieving too but there is no need to shout at you and ignore your texts. It is as clear as the words on this screen he wants you to pay for the funeral and that is not fair if he has the money in the bank. He just doesn't want to spend it on his wife's funeral.

When an amount of time has passed you will need to have the conversation with your father about what arrangements he has made to pay for his funeral. It can not be left to you and your sister.

My friend is 40 and has already paid for her funeral. She knows she probably won't have a very long life and doesn't want the pressure to be on her friends to pay the funeral costs.

DelGirl · 04/12/2014 13:46

LEGO. Where does it say it's means tested? It certainly wasn't when I claimed it after my dh died.

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/12/2014 21:34

when dh died i got £2k within a month, filled in forms and sent it off and cheq arrived

the £2k isnt means tested, anyone who is married and under pension age will receive it but have to claim think within 3mths of dying, so unless know about it many people dont get it

generally the funeral is paid by spouse/policy etc but if any savings in their/joint account then they can be used to pay funeral rather then go to probate (if any)

ps sorry about your mum, mine died 5mths ago, it sucks x

Viviennemary · 29/12/2014 20:35

I couldn't be sure but I thought everyone who dies under pension age gets a payout as they won't be collecting any pension. I didn't think it was means tested. But no point in being annoyed at your Dad for not having a plan in place. People usually just do what has to be done even if they have to swallow their comments. The chances are he wouldn't have been eligble for a plan if it was a serious short illness.

stonecircle · 30/12/2014 00:34

I'm really sorry for your loss Millie but I don't see how you can hand over money you don't have. In my eyes your father is responsible for meeting your mum's funeral costs - not you and your sister. If he doesn't have the money in the bank and isn't eligible for a grant then he will need to borrow the money. I don't think it's down to you.

Chocovore · 30/12/2014 21:00

So sorry for your loss. I take it your mum didn't have any company/personal pension scheme which might pay out something or any kind of life insurance or other policy which might pay out?

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