Am I being unrealistic about moving into a bigger property

[SamO1984]

My husband and I have 3 Children, 5, 3 and 5 months, we live in a two bed flat and I am desperate to move. We moved here when we only had out first child (meant to be a temporary arrangement). My husband is self employed and set up a company last year, (he works 6-7 days a week, at least 13 hours a day) we have ended up running up a lot of debt due to setting things up (which I currently trying to consolidate into a loan with a smaller interest rate).
After getting his first years tax return, I have realise there is no way we will be offered a mortgage, we will only walk away from our current property with a small deposit. I am gutted as I feel like the children are missing out, not having a garden etc.
The upside of where we are is that we have a relatively small mortgage, which means we can afford to do lots of stuff with the children so we are not stuck in all the time, if we mortgaged ourselves to the hilt, we would literally have to live with every single penny accounted for, I am not sure if I can live like that, any advice please?!

One year's income history probably won't get you very far at the moment but could you make a big effort to beef up your savings in the meantime on the back of the small mortgage? Maybe try living on the type of disposable income that you'd have if you took out a bigger mortgage ... see if you can make it work.... and put the rest away to get your deposit payment up?

I also think you need to get rid of the dept ASAP. Debt is just wasting money paying interest. Any loans you already have will reduce the amount of mortgage you will be allowed to have.

I thing cogito's idea of trying to live on the disposable income you would have if you had a bigger house is a great idea. Use the money saved to pay of debt and then save towards new house or use to over pay your current mortgage.

Thanks guys, I know I should know all this, sometimes it is just so hard, my husband has always been self employed so I should be used to our income, but it is hard as there are times jobs over run plus he has to pay for materials up front, and we sometimes have no money coming in for 8 weeks at a time (this is why we have no choice but to put stuff on credit cards food, petrol etc. having a small mortgage certainly take the pressure of but we do end up rowing a lot over money, my husbands point is that he can't work any longer than he is (which I understand) and sometimes makes me feel selfish for wanting more (although I know he wants to move too) but I feel like if I do not say anything we will be stuck here in 10 years time!!!
I guess I should be grateful we have a roof over our heads at least! :)

no garden. Is there a park nearby?

if so, no problem. Far better that than risking your roof!

As Cogito says, you'll need more than a years books to get a decent mortgage.

So why don't you see the next couple of years as a time to get your finances sorted?

Pay off your debts and also save up at least 3 months money for living on, so you don't need to use credit cars etc in the future. I know it's hard but it will mean you will be able to stop worrying about money so much.

Oh yea, we live close to a forest and a few small parks, can't really use the forest in this weather (it is like a mud slide) I suppose it is more my mind set of having visions of coming home, opening the back doors and letting the kids play an I suppose I feel like I would spend less getting out and about (my kids are so active they like to constantly doing stuff) if I had a garden with a little paddling pool.
Just me feeling sorry for myself specialsubject, you are right there are people out there with kiddies losing the roof over their heads due to big mortgages they can't afford.

I am already starting to put bits of money away ExcuseTypos, as I was thinking over Christmas, we need to have a contingency, and then cut the credit cards up!! Also switched supermarkets to Aldi, buying shop brand nappies and wipes for the baby, walking on the school runs to save using the car. Museum and park trips as they are free and bringing packed lunches if we go out, to save buying expensive food when we are out.
We do have about 7 years of accounts from when he was self employed, as well as this year from the business, but as we have a lot of expenses put in, which means less tax, but the downside to that is that we won't get offered a great mortgage :(
I am really going to focus on getting money put away in the hope we can get a bigger deposit before the house prices rise even more :)

Thank you everyone, so nice to vent on here and get things of my chest as it can be hard to discuss this with my husband, as it causes arguments - he works long hours and having three children under five, means we both take our stress out on each other :(

I do sympathise. DH set up his own business and it was very hard when the children were young. It has been worth it though, in the long run though and it does get a lot easier as the dc get older.

your kids want your time and attention - they don't care if it is in their own garden! Sounds like you are doing a great job. Good luck to you.

I missed the part about the debts. As debts cost a fortune compared to the earnings you can make on savings, it pays to sort the debts out first. I'd also suggest - if he isn't doing so already - your DH run his business plan by an advisor. If he's got cashflow problems he needs to get on top of it with business loans rather than racking up expensive credit card debt.

Thanks again ExcuseTypos, new day tomorrow, had the baby up twice a night for the past week, (he had previously been sleeping through so been a shock to the system) - I have let everything get on top of me x

Thank you Specialsubject, I am going to be down that park tomorrow with the wellies haha.
Yes Cogito, he is making appointments with the bank to meet with his business manager to sort out his overdraft, he is also sorting out accounts with wholesalers which will be much better for us, as you say it will save us racking up credit card bills. I think this year has been a learning curve for us, fingers crossed we will get on top of it all this year x thank you for the advice :)

I think you're doing it the right way, because its the way I did it! 3 under 4, walking to school. We now live in a regular 'posh semi' with a garden with little debt.
Do look after yourself though- those years were knackering!

Sorry that should be 3 under 4, etc. in a tiny flat near parks.

Thank you helpyourself, it is good to know others have done it!
I think with my oldest starting school, I am the only mum (in her class anyway) in a small flat, they all live in lovely houses :( but I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and work towards getting a bigger place once we are in a better place financially.

There'd also be a lot less pressure in the housing stock if we all moved slowly up the housing ladder like you and me, so feel virtuous.
I'm looking forward to downsizing- the gardens a bog and DH and I are cowering in the bedroom as there are 6 teenagers downstairs 'sleeping' over!

Oh wow 6 teenagers, I suppose I have that all to look forward to, I can't imagine my little ones as teenagers yet. I should take advantage that I can put them all in bed at 7pm and get some evening time x good luck tonight x
If they keep you up tonight you will have to get up early with one of those really loud horns to get your own back :)

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