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Original poster

Does anybody get an allowance from their DH?

70 replies

LaLake · 23/03/2013 21:30

I was at a wedding recently and got talking to another SAHM. She was telling me about a friend of hers who, on top of her allowance, got paid for all the jobs she did around the house (cooking, cleaning, etc). This was the first time I'd even heard about an allowance! I felt like a bit of a mug tbh. Needless to say my DH and I had a very interesting conversation on the way home.

Does anybody else get an allowance? What is reasonable to expect/request on a weekly basis?

OP posts:

Iwantmybed · 23/03/2013 21:31

Um no. We're married, our money is shared.

upinthehills · 23/03/2013 21:31

No we have a joint account - there is no his and my money. I spend what I want.

mamij · 23/03/2013 21:32

Joint account here too. Everything is shared between us.

stargirl1701 · 23/03/2013 21:32

No. We see our money as ours.

Shakey1500 · 23/03/2013 21:33

I'm not a SAHM anymore but when I was, no. I think it odd really.

AnythingNotEverything · 23/03/2013 21:33

Which bit are you shocked about? That she got an allowance, or that she got paid for extra jobs?

What happens in your house?

I'm with PPs - there is no mine and his money - we share.

upinthehills · 23/03/2013 21:34

You are not flat mates!

VerySmallSqueak · 23/03/2013 21:34

Do you not have any money to spend yourself currently then LaLake ?

CutePuppy · 23/03/2013 21:35

No. We are a team, therefore there is no his and mine. It is all joint. I don't understand couples who don't pool money. I know it works for some, but it is a foreign concept t me.

WipsGlitter · 23/03/2013 21:37

We don't pool money! Works fine for us

VinoEsmeralda · 23/03/2013 21:41

When I was a SAHM I found it hard to justify to spend money on myself, DH opened an account in my name and put £250 in there every month.

IDoTakeTwo · 23/03/2013 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

LaLake · 23/03/2013 23:15

Nope. No money to spend unless I ask for some which I hate doing. I was Miss Independant when we met. Had my own house etc. When we moved in together we would put money in a joint account to cover everything that needed paying and kept our own accounts for what was left. We tried pooling everything but I didn't like it that way. Now I'm at home with the little ones and he pays for everything. I returned to work for a while after our DD was born but had to leave after our DS arrived as they are very close in age. My maternity pay stopped 6 months ago so I've had nothing since then.

I can see that DH and I are going to have to review the situation..

OP posts:

tribpot · 23/03/2013 23:19

Why didn't you like it when the incomes were pooled?

I would be mortified if my DH had to ask me for money (he is a SAHD although he has a small rental income). He actually spends very little and will tend to check out bigger purchases with me first because I do the household budget.

SomeBear · 23/03/2013 23:29

We have a joint account for day-to-day expenses, both earning similar amounts now so both contributing to it, but even when I was a SAHM and DH worked, if I wanted something I could check to see if there was sufficient money in the account for it (there rarely was!). Likewise for DH when he was a SAHD. Any big purchases are bought together. Any expenditure of savings is done by mutual agreement. We're a team. I'd feel like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman if I got an allowance and I'd refuse to do any chores if I got extra pocket money for them.

Chunkamatic · 23/03/2013 23:36

I'm a SAHM and have a joint acc with DP, which the mortgage and utilities come out of. I then have an account in my name in which we transfer a some of money into each month for household expenses, food shopping etc. I have control of this account. The money left in the joint account is then usually frittered away by both of us by he end of the month!
This works for us as I have always felt awkward about spending money that I have not earned, not that for one second DP has ever said anything to make me feel this. But it is not an allowance for me, as such, as it covers household things. If I want a new dress Iwould pay it out the joint account.
I would hate to be paid for housework jobs,god how patronising!

uggmum · 23/03/2013 23:43

I work part time and my salary credits my sole acc. Dh works full time and his salary also credits his sole acc. All our bills debit a joint acc and my dh credits this acc with sufficient funds to cover these bills.

Dh also gives me an allowance of £800 pm for my expenditure. This would cover petrol, expenses for the dc, entertainment etc.

My dh does work away during the week so I do the lion share of the housework. However, he does all the work in the garden during better weather.

CointreauVersial · 23/03/2013 23:49

We've always had a joint account, and both paid money into it for bills etc, but when I gave up work for 6 years, obviously I wasn't paying anything in.Now I'm working again, but part time.

It did feel a bit strange at first to spend money on myself that I hadn't earned, but I got used to it.

I've never needed to justify with DH what I spend; I just use what's in the joint account.

An allowance sounds awfully 1950s.

Arion · 23/03/2013 23:54

We have a joint account, when we were both working the wages got paid in there, and all bills paid out of there i.e. personal mobiles, household bills, etc. then we have a personal account each that gets same amount (currently £125) that is our money to spend on whatever, so magazines, books, clothes, beer etc.

No I'm a SAHM, the set up is the same although only one wage goes into the joint account.

Our money is joint, I am not an employee of my husband (allowance and being paid for jobs makes my teeth itch!). It was a joint decision that I became a SAHM so why should I be left without money because of it?

Oh, and the monthly money I get doesn't cover anything for the kids, their presents, clothes, clubs, lunch money, soft play entrance fees comes out of the joint money. The kids are a joint expense not just mine. The child benefit used to be classed in with the monthly pot.

Viviennemary · 23/03/2013 23:56

No. But I wouldn't say no to a very generous allowance. Seriously, I agree it's very 1950's. Most people have joint accounts these days and just buy what they need.

BackforGood · 23/03/2013 23:57

dh and I both get 'an allowance', if you like, out of the family pot each month - it's nice to have your own little bit of spending money which you can spend on something even if you know the other half would think it were a waste of money / trivial / too expensive, or just to be able to buy them a present.
But note the terminology. We have the family account, which all money goes into and all bills come out of, and we both access for any family spending when we need to, then out of that, comes a standing order for each of us to have our own little bit of money.

Wonderland121 · 23/03/2013 23:59

I'm not a sahm anymore but when I was all money was ours we shared, no allowance

Tortington · 24/03/2013 00:05

our kids are fully grown. ive always had my own bank account in my maiden name using a different bank to dh.

we get paid at different times of the month

i pay the mortage and insurances

he pays most other stuff - however, when both incomes and all outgoings are added up, dh has more disposable income left in his account.

therefore there is a monthyl transfer of funds into my account even though i earn more than dh.

it remains our money to make joint decisions on and neither of us would make a puchase of say anything over £20 without discussion.

Casmama · 24/03/2013 00:08

Allowance and payment for jobs? Sorry but what are you- child, employee, wife? I'm not a SAHM so accept I don't have insight to this it I think you need to sort this out.

LinusVanPelt · 24/03/2013 00:14

When DH and I were both working, we each put 60% of our paychecks into a joint account each week, and all of the household stuff came out of that. The rest stayed in our individual accounts, so when we wanted to buy something frivoulous for ourselves or bought gifts for each other, there was no feeling of having to 'okay' the expense with each other.

Now DH is a SAHD, and I put about 85% of my paycheck into the joint account. I still hold back a bit for myself, and DH transfers about the same amount from the joint account to his own account each week. That becomes 'his' money to do with as he pleases - neither of us would ever think of it as an 'allowance' from me to him, though!

We both carry joint account ATM cards as well as our own, so we both have access to our money anytime - neither of us have ever questioned what the other has drawn out, or from which account, or for what purpose.

It works for us.

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