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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

did you "do/ buy" anything to mark your loss?

19 replies

clothaddict · 23/10/2009 09:34

Hi
I had a mmc (at 10 weeks) approx one month ago. It's been a horrendous month physically for me with various complications and hospitalisations (one ending up in ICU). I feel that I have somehow disassociated all my hospital episodes with the fact I have had a miscarriage and I really want to "mark" it or having something to remember the little lost baby by.

What have other people done? I was thinking of getting a ring or neckalce to wear with some kind of symbol that felt fitting. That way it would be with me, or I could wear it on days that felt wanted to be close or remember. Or plant something?

What did you do?

OP posts:

NumptyMum · 23/10/2009 09:50

I've heard of people buying jewelery with the birthstone of their lost child, which sounded like a nice idea. I'm thinking of planting flowers for my DD's birth month (January, so would be snowdrops) but not sure where. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, it's such a hard thing to bear and it's not always easy to talk about it in RL - there are some good support groups out there if you need to talk.

kissmummy · 23/10/2009 21:58

that sounds a lovely idea cloth. I personally haven't done anything like that but it is because i simply cannot bear to think of my losses as real lost babies. I am only going to let myself think of them like this when i have come out of the other side of this nightmare and have another successful pregnancy. it's a very personal thing, how you choose to look at it.

Tommy · 23/10/2009 22:03

So sorry for your loss.

I have a lttle card that a friend sent me with a biblical quote on it (of course, may not be suitable or relevant to you but it hit the spot for me ) and I put it in a frame. It's on the mantlepiece with the photos of the DSs.

DH planted a magnolia tree in the garden but, TBH, that doesn't do anything for me as it flowers on the anniversary of the MC - which I don't really like thinking about but it was important for DH to do something as well

PumpkinsCantDanceTheTango · 23/10/2009 22:07

I have a memory book, attended balloon releases and done our own, buy Roses, light candles and wear butterfly/rose things. (Pics on profile of some of these )

littlemisslozza · 23/10/2009 22:09

I planted some bulbs in the garden that would flower around the time the baby would have been due - May. Felt quite emotional when they appeared but it was a meaningful thing I needed to do. Loved watching them flower over the last 3 years. Happily I was 6 months pregnant when they first flowered.

bb99 · 23/10/2009 22:11

So sorry for your loss.

We planted a beautiful white rose and also lit candles on our baby's due date. We're lucky as our health authority has rememberance ceremonies every so often and even have collective funeral type ceremonies, which aren't everyone's preferance, but helped me a lot at a very difficult and heartbreaking time.

Take care and be gentle with yourself. xx

LittlePeanut · 23/10/2009 22:11

We planted a tree in the garden.

FullMooniMarmite · 23/10/2009 22:29

Sorry for your loss and thanks for your kind post to me earlier.

Last time we planted a tree in our garden and we keep the scan picture (MMC) and a few cards that we received, in a folder. I don't really take them out to look at but I like knowing that they are there. I always feel strangely comforted when DS wanders up to the tree.

Not sure what we will do this time but LittleMiss your idea sounds lovely.

FullMooniMarmite · 23/10/2009 22:31

Meant to say, a ring or necklace sounds lovely too. We also had a weekend away when we were feeling a bit better and DH gave me a beautiful necklace 'to remember'.

BionicEar · 24/10/2009 22:35

Hi,

We planted an apple tree in the garden a few weeks after m/c, and then earlier this week on the due date, as a family we decorated the tree with hanging pictures that my LO drew and prayed for our family.

We were all able to cry that day, and share how we felt.

Later we had a "special meal" and treats to remember our lost baby by.

peanutpie · 25/10/2009 19:23

Hi,
Some jewellery sounds lovely.

The first time I miscarried i attended some hospital counselling sessions and following one of them i had a strong urge to buy some baby clothes. This was before I had any children and it felt like a really brave thing to do to go to Mothercare buy some clothers. I bought a pink 'tiny baby' top and I kept it out dangling on a chest of drawers until I felt ready for it to go away into the cupboard.

Since then I have bought a baby top when I've found out I was pregnant and kept that out. Sometimes I have it on my pillow or carry it around with me. I've had a miscarriage very recently and have a little top under my pillow just now.

Rumpel · 25/10/2009 19:26

I lit a wee candle and said goodbye..... Sorry and big hugsxxxx

FullMooniMarmite · 25/10/2009 21:18

Oh peanutpie how lovely, that made me cry. I've always been the total opposite (in fact I very nearly didn't have anything much at all for DS when he was born) but I wish I had bought something for the little one I've just lost

Original poster

clothaddict · 26/10/2009 16:02

What lovely lovely ideas.

I was in a craft centre this week and I came across something taht felt fitting without really looking for it- a silver ring with a spiral design on it. The woman that makes them was telling me that the spiral is often a symbol used to signify birth, death and rebirth and it just felt "right" that this was what I was looking for. She made me a handmade one to fit me and I felt quite emotional that this was what I had wanted.

Thanks for all the other ideas. I still may plant something too!

Love to all, you all are so helpful (and it's just a shame we all have to be here on this board, but at least we help each other) xxx

OP posts:

cece · 26/10/2009 16:06

When we lost DD2 we decided to get a lovely birdbath for the garden. I still intend to get one but we are yet to find a lovely one iyswim

cece · 26/10/2009 16:08

Oh and when I am driving I try to be polite and let people out when roads are busy. When I do I think of her.

FullMooniMarmite · 26/10/2009 20:56

Clothaddict - the ring sounds perfect, I'm glad you've found the right keepsake x

kissmummy · 30/10/2009 14:44

i had a counselling session this week and was encouraged to do/make something, so i bought four tiny white teddies to symbolise my lost babies and am going to keep them in a little bag (red like a womb) and bring them out when i need them. I bought the bag because i'm rubbish at sewing but otherwise i'd have made it. i'm thinking of sewing on some patches (hearts or something) which i should just about be able to manage with my rubbish sewing skills. looking at the teddies does upset me but i think it is important for me now to recognise that my losses are real.

AortaBeTidying · 30/10/2009 14:49

It took me a hell of a long time to come to terms with my mmc. I have only just (3 years on) had a tattoo with a star for each of my children. I mark the date I miscarried by planting forget me nots in the garden and the due date (NYE!) I buy in fresh flowers and have a day making my other DCs laugh and smile.

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