I cant leave mumsnet. i cant cope on my own

[starshaker]

Im sitting here in tears. I have nobody i can call for support and i cant deal with this. Im scared by what is going on in my head but i know alana needs me and i have to try and be strong but its too hard

What's happened?

other thread

Not sure who Alana is?

Sorry to hear of your losses. Been here myself, have you been offered any counselling?

It's bloody awful when you have so many miscarriages - I know, I've been there.

And the raw grief when you have to go through another one doesn't diminish each time, I think it grows.

Have you thought about calling the supporter line of the miscarriage association ? I found talking to real women who had been through the same (no one I knew had had more than 1 miscarriage) really helpful as they didn't spout any crap.

You didn't do anything to deserve this, its just shite luck.

Keep talking here though

Oh sorry just seen your profile, I see she is your dd.

I'm so sorry.

starshaker, I have just read your other thread.

You are not being punished. I know that nothing that I say can help, but I couldn't leave this thread without telling you how sorry I am you are going through this.

Do you have anyone with you?

no i have been alone since it happened. My mum came to the hospital last night but i passed out and dd got upset so they left. My fuckwit of a step dad asked if had been worth it (basically said it served me right) I just want it all to go away. When i was in pain and bleeding yesterday i knew the baby was still there but now its nothing just empty.

Im so tired but if i go to bed ill just lie and think. Im scared ill do something stupid if i keep thinking my head hurts and since putting dd to bed i cant stop crying.

Oh honey, can't you call your mum ? You really need someone with you

shes away on holiday

Starshaker, none of this is your fault. You are not being punished for anything. You have a beautiful daughter who loves you. You are not being punished. You have just been very unlucky. I know it hurts ( I've had 8 m/c myself). Please be kind to yourself. Time will help but you can't hurry it.

Maybe contact The Miscarriage Association. They might be able to help.

today ive had to keep leaving the room so dd doesnt see that im upset. really need to try and get control for her sake

starshaker, i'm at work so haven't had time to read through all your threads/profile etc, but i promise it won't feel quite this bad forever....i've had three miscarriages and felt dreadful for weeks after the second two, BUT time has dulled the pain.
my last m/c was in February and we are going to be trying again soon. i have no idea how i'll cope with a fourth miscarriage, but i do know that it's impossible to feel the depths of misery you feel in the weeks after it first happens forever and ever. the pain does ease. i know how hard it is to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you're in the position you are in now. hang in there.

tried to sleep but cant. I never felt this bad with the others. dont know if it was cos i saw the babys heartbeat and i have a scan picture as a constant reminder. Its also the first time ive had to go to the hospital with complications. makes it more real.