First of all I wanted to say I’m sorry if you find yourself here reading this. When I was going through this experience I frantically googled and read so many stories and they really really helped, so I wanted to pass that on.
Warning: very TMI, graphic. Please make sure you’re in an OK mental state to read this.
Last Saturday we had a private scan, at 11 weeks pregnant. We were planning to tell people this weekend, so wanted to get a just-in-case ultrasound and some pictures to show off. We’d had two previous scans at 6 and 8 weeks, the baby had been measuring ahead both times with a strong heartbeat. Very much thought we were in the clear and this was the first scan I was excited and not anxious for. I had been feeling really good, my symptoms had eased which I attributed to coming to the end of the first trimester…
Within minutes it was obvious something was wrong, the sonographer couldn’t find the heartbeat, and the little bean looked so flat and still. I desperately searched the screen for any little flicker of the heart but couldn’t see anything moving. After vocalising what she saw the sonographer wrote us a referral and we left in tears. In the car I had the first panic attack I’ve had in years.
When we got back home I called the maternity triage line who referred me to the early pregnancy unit (EPU). They’re shut at the weekend and so we had an anxious wait until their call on Monday - while we waited I frantically searched for hopeful stories, but as the baby was measuring 37mm with no fetal cardiac activity, there didn’t seem to be much hope. Over the weekend I had some weird discharge - no bleeding but what came out of me was like a thick gelatine, with a tinge of yellow.
On Monday the EPU called me first thing and booked the earliest appointment they had, for Tuesday. We went Tuesday morning, I was scanned and the loss was confirmed - gestational age measuring at 10 weeks 5 days, no heartbeat. It hit me all over again and I just sobbed. I asked to see the bean and they showed us on the screen and printed off some pictures. We were then taken into a private room to discuss options.
They said due to the size of the pregnancy that medical management at home wasn’t an option. I could either take the pills in hospital and be monitored or have an evacuation of retained products of conception (ERPC) under general anaesthetic. I spoke to my husband about it as my original preference was medical at home, however decided that if I was in hospital anyway I would prefer a quick op. Also, it did seem like the staff were worried that there would be more complications with the medical route, given the size of the baby. They didn’t pressure us at all (they were all lovely and so compassionate) but I definitely felt like surgery was recommended and that medical would be unpleasant and potentially risky for blood loss.
ERPC was scheduled for Thursday morning. When I got home the Tuesday night I started having mild cramps and backache. By Wednesday morning this had ramped up a bit and I had started to spot brown blood. My temperature had also plummeted (I temp using Oura). I took some ibuprofen about 10am and went to the opticians to pick up some new glasses.
When I got home I was still spotting and cramping, it was mild. By 1pm this ramped up significantly and I started feeling quite sharp pain, the same cramping pattern/frequency as period pain but lower in my pelvis, on each side. They came in waves that were very close together and increasing in intensity. I called the EPU for advice and they said this could be my body passing it, and said I could take co-codamol and ibuprofen for the pain. I did this and found that pacing around my living room helped with the pain until the painkillers kicked in. The EPU also did say that if the pain got unbearable or I felt dizzy or sick to go to A&E immediately.
As well as the cramps I had pressure in my butt, above my coccyx, felt like when you need a poo but are holding it in. I sat down for a bit as the painkillers kicked in, and then at about 1:40pm I felt an insanely weird sensation - a very distinct pop inside of me and then a flood of wetness. I’d read about this in other women’s experiences online so it wasn’t a complete shock but jesus it was SO weird. The actual pop wasn’t painful but the cramps were very intense by this point.
I immediately hobbled to the toilet and there was a lot of blood. When I sat down something came out of me, straight into the loo. I tried to see what it was but couldn’t see through the bloody water. I felt ever so slightly better. I went back to the sofa but within 15 minutes the pressure and cramps had intensified again - for about half an hour from 2pm I was on the toilet passing a LOT of stuff. Some plopped straight into the toilet, and I also kind of scooped some out of my vagina with tissue, so I could look. I didn’t see anything obviously identifiable but it was definitely tissue - several grey/blue veiny structures, ranging from 3 - 6cm, sticky and far more solid than any clot I’ve had before. All accompanied by bright red blood. The sensation of the tissue leaving me was extremely odd, but not painful - warm, wet, slimy pressure and subsequent relief, repeatedly. I wasn’t sure if I’d passed it all but if I had to guess at the size of all the tissue, going by the feeling and plops in the toilet, I would say it was at least a couple of handfuls.
I returned to the sofa and the pain started to subside. At 3:30pm I called the EPU again to update them on what happened - they said to still attend the next morning as scheduled, and they would book me for a scan before surgery to check to see if everything had passed. By about 5pm the pain had almost completely stopped, and bleeding was just like a heavy period. I felt well in myself and had a bowl of cheesy pasta.
Throughout the evening I had some lighter cramping sensations and continued to bleed, some more clots came out but no more large tissue passed. I didn’t take any more painkillers.
Thursday morning I got to the hospital at 7:30am, prepped for surgery and then they scanned me shortly after 8am (transvaginal ultrasound). Confirmed that the gestational sac had passed, there was a small bit of tissue by my cervix which they removed with a speculum and forceps, this was similar in sensation to a smear test - uncomfortable and sensitive but not painful. My uterine lining is still quite thick, and they said if I had stopped bleeding they might’ve considered medical to help it along, but as I’m still bleeding they’re fairly confident it’ll pass. I need to take a pregnancy test in 3 weeks time, and if it’s negative we can try again straight away - no need to wait for a period.
I don’t feel particularly traumatised by the experience, I’m actually glad it happened this way. I’m sure the operation would’ve been fine too, but there was something oddly cathartic about going through the experience at home in my safe space.
I don’t want to minimise it - the pain did get quite intense at its peak but the painkillers, breathing deeply, and moving around helped, and the main event was all over relatively quickly. I had been pretty scared of it happening while waiting for the operation, particularly after what the EPU had said, and I did get a huge rush of adrenaline and panic after the pop. I think if I hadn’t read before about the pop it would’ve terrified me. And I think the whole experience would’ve absolutely been traumatising if we didn’t already know the baby had died. But I got through it, it’s done now, and I can put this horrendous week behind me.
If you’re going through this now, or if you’ve been through this before - I am so, so sorry. I hope my story can help you in some way.