What should I do after two consecutive miscarriages and a previous loss?

[Helki89]

first time poster, feeling pretty low and worried. I’d really appreciate views, advice or experiences that might help me move forward with a sensible plan…

I’m currently going through my second miscarriage in a row, after a chemical pregnancy a few years ago and one live birth.

I’m 38, and I’ve been either pregnant or trying to get pregnant for the last 10 months to try for a sibling for my child (2). It’s been quite consuming with drawn out miscarriages, fertility testing and the emotional toll taken as we try, fail, watch others around us have more children etc. I feel like the desire for a second child has almost become part of my personality, and I struggle with the pity and feelings of usefulness. husband is supportive and great, we have a lovely relationship and he wants us to keep going (in his own words it has impacted him but to a lesser extent).

how I feel seems compounded by my age, it feels like a timer ticking down. We have been told we’d be good candidates for IVF, but do we go for that now or keep trying for a while? Have others had similar experiences? And at what point do you draw a line under it all and just accept what you have (I am lucky to have my child)?

Hi OP, this really resonated with me. I had similar but ended up with one son after three miscarriages (I was 36 at the time), then another miscarriage followed by my daughter (I was 38) and then a surprise pregnancy (???!!) resulting in my youngest daughter, who I had at 40. 🙂

I remember the all-consuming thoughts about wanting a child very well, and how others were pregnant but not me, or kept their babies as I miscarried. It’s horrible. But a good predictor that you can have another baby is the fact you’ve already have one.

Good luck xxx

Are you currently on a treatment plan? I had a dc, then 4 mcs, then another dc. It absolutely took over my life during that time.

Thank you, it’s lovely to hear that in the end you got the second child you desired, and weirdly good to hear that perhaps it’s normal to have complex feelings around it and it’s not just me!

Thanks for replying. No I’m not. The hospital actually said today that it’s unlikely my referral to recurrent miscarriage clinic would get far since one was a chemical and I have a living child in the middle of them.

im not sure where I’d really start with one or where I get one even? The fertility dr said starting IVF by the end of the year would be good, but getting my head around IVF as a new process feels exhausting now. Perhaps it just needs a bit of time. Keeping trying also feels pretty tiring so I guess no easy answer.

im so sorry to hear about your losses and appreciate you taking the time to reply

I’m so sorry ❤️

I’m surprised you’ve been advised that your referral to a RMC wouldn’t be accepted. AFAIK the guidance has changed so that the miscarriages no longer need to be consecutive (ie you can have a successful pregnancy in between). Also, chemicals count - my third was a chemical and GP made the referral which was accepted. It seems to depend on the area too, but I know from others that some areas will refer after 2 miscarriages at age 35 and over. Perhaps double check all of this by looking up NICE guidance, RCOG green top guideline and/or asking your GP - also the Tommy’s midwife helpline could be a good shout, if you can ever get through! - but it may well be that you’ve been incorrectly advised. Or, alternatively, that you could seek a referral to a clinic a bit further away, that would accept you (I chose not to go to the one in my local hospital as I’d had a bad experience in that EPU, and this was possible).

I’ve had 3 mc (TTC #1 since Jan 2025) and received a diagnosis of APS. I believe that APS can also cause complications like pre eclampsia, small birth weight, growth restriction, preterm birth etc. You’re probably aware of this (and I’m no expert!) but thought I’d mention because if there were any complications with your 2yo’s pregnancy, this may be something worth following up in relation to the miscarriages. I do agree with a PP saying the best predictor of being able to have a baby is already having one (and I really wish this were true for me!) But, all the same, there are conditions like APS that can affect pregnancy at different stages and in different ways - so it’s potentially good to be aware of that too, in case you do decide to do any testing, either privately or via NHS if they’ll refer you.

I know it likely doesn’t feel like it, but even after 3 miscarriages, on paper the odds are that your next pregnancy will be successful. I think if I were you I’d keep trying for now, but reflect on things over the next few months and make a decision re IVF in the new year. That’s my plan for the rest of 2026, anyway!

Why are they suggesting IVF, what issue do they think it will combat?
I saw my NHS recurrent miscarriage clinic, they did a load of blood tests but didn't find anything to treat. I went privately to a speciality I heard about on here. I was 40 by the time this was happening, it's good you have a couple of years on your side

Thank you for your reply, there’s a lot of really helpful information in there. I do wonder if perhaps they are misinformed (this wouldn’t surprise me given my gp told me I had the option of going to 3 EPU’s around me as all were walk in yet when I called them all were by appt only).

im really sorry to hear of your experience and appreciate you taking the time to give such a thorough and helpful reply.

Echo pp and would say push for referral to recurrent miscarriage for testing. There may be a few months wait but they gave me full blood tests which actually turned up a few fixable issues that resulted in success the next time round. I know this isn't everyone's experience but for me just knowing there were actual things that could be treated was worth pushing for the referral, and when I was pregnant again I got so much extra care from them like weekly scans from 6-12wks and all the medication needed to address the specific issues

Hi OP,
the hospital didn’t suggest IVF, a few friends did and we had fertility tests done because each time it has taken us 6+ months to conceive and thought it wise given my age (will be 39 in a few months). And I suppose I wonder if the version where they check embryo chromosomes can help given they said it’s likely chromosomal issues each time.

I just wish I’d thought about having kids earlier. It’s so strange because while you know fertility declines and the chances of issues rise, you see so many older celebs etc with children and you just hear the headlines that women are having children later. Nobody talks about the road to getting there being tougher.

thanks for your response, I’m new to mumsnet and I have found everyone so helpful at this tough time.

Thanks that’s so helpful, I will be pushier to advocate for myself (not a natural talent of mine but I feel strongly this is important).

They absolutely need to do blood tests to rule out APS it is the most common reason why women have recurring miscarriages.

in addition re IVF… this likely won’t help you because you can get pregnant, but you can’t stay pregnant… without the underlying reason being known IVF will likely fail also.

have they suggested low dose aspirin also? There is plenty of evidence now that older women with no diagnosis have better pregnancy outcomes when taking low dose aspirin pre pregnancy and through to 2nd trimester.

speak to your GP and ask for blood tests to see what can be ruled out, you don’t need a fertility clinic for those.

I was in a similar position but a little bit older an no chemical. Had my first at 39 and then two back to back miscarriages at age 40. It was such a sad and stressful time for us all as we just wanted to have our next child. No testing and initially after the second loss I said no way, no way are we doing that again. Gave it a couple of weeks and we said one more shot. One more try. He is now 4 years old maybe we lucky.

fertility as you get older gets harder. To conceive I was using letrozole which did help.

Thanks for this - I’d not even heard of APS. The hospital just said to manage it at home and that I didn’t need to come back bc my hcg had dropped significantly.

its very helpful to know because I woke up today thinking about next steps and it feels like I’ll have to push and advocate which at least now I know I need to do.

thanks for taking the time to reply

I found the book by Prof Lesley Regan really useful in helping understand the main causes of miscarriage - because your treatment would be different depending on the causes. I'll put a pic of the content page from Amazon. By the end I was getting pregnant faster because I did fertility tracking (goodness am I glad not to have to take my temperature every morning anymore!) but it really did seem to work.

Welcome to MN and I'm sorry to hear about your losses
Sorry this is long! Some things I'd recommend
-Buy a 2nd hand copy of 'It starts with an egg' off ebay. It has some practical tips of small things you can change which 'might' help
-If you are overweight, you should be taking a 5mg dose of folic acid, not the 400mcg dose. The 5mg can be prescribed by your GP or I 'think' bought online
-If overweight, try losing weight because the additional hormones can really affect fertility
-I bought a supplement of lycopene for DH. Its naturally occurring in red/orange coloured fruit/veg and 'some' studies have shown it can help with sperm motility and condition (DH's tests were normal, but I thought it can't hurt).
-I took a supplement of COQ10. It was actually the supplement that is the pure form of it, but I can't recall the name now.
-Read about the IVF requirements in your area. Some areas won't provide it if you already have a child, others have conditions around BMI, smoking etc.

We TTC 4yrs before getting pregnant. Original GP was incredibly dismissive and when the D21 blood test was normal- no referral was made. I was told to just relax! I ended up paying privately for fertility testing and moved GP's. All tests came back clear and my AMH was very good for my age. Long story short, we TTC 10yrs, lost 3, had rounds of IVF and have no living children. We stopped TTC when I was 42. The only cause for sub-fertility was explained as 'old eggs'.

After my 3rd loss, I was told I was referred to the recurrent MC clinic. I waited months and when I called to see what was happening, was informed that as my 1st loss was TFMR (trisomy 13) then it wasn't an MC and I therefore I didn't qualify!

I assumed IVF would be a hormonal roller coaster and be stressful, but it didn't feel like that at all. I think it bought DH and I even closer.

I suppose I wonder if the version where they check embryo chromosomes can help
PGT can be used to screen embryos if you are a known carrier of a genetic condition. They can also test cells in the embryo for other genetic issues even if you aren't a carrier. This type is PGT-SR and PGT-A (to my knowledge). Its not available at all IVF clinics and this testing is very expensive. Also, the embryo needs to get to blastocyst stage of development, so that there are enough cells to be able to remove some for testing.

Looking back, I should have advocated more for myself. I'd moved cities and no friends had fertility issues. I wasn't on MN back then, so had no one to ask what was normal in terms of testing, wait time etc etc. Sorry again this is so long, but its lots of things I wished I'd know at the start. Wishing you all the best x

Thank you for the welcome (I’ve just realised I’ve been calling people ‘OP’ when I now realise here that’s me 😅) and I’m sorry to hear about the journey you had.

All this information is extremely helpful so I appreciate you taking the time to post it. It makes me sad how dismissive the GP was with you and it saddens me how we seem to have to fight for everything related to women’s health.

thank you so much ♥️

I actually saw prof Reagan at the RMC in st Mary's, turned out i have Factor V Leiden. I was 29/30 when we started and subsequently had 2 x DC whilst using clexane, i dont know if either DC or I would have made it to full term without it but it's relatively no problem once you have the blood thinners

Good luck xx