Advice on helping my sister who has had a missed miscarriage-I'm 6months preg

[Dragonhart]

My sister has just found out that she has had a missed miscarriage 4 weeks ago. I am so sad for her as her and her DH were so excited.

I am 6months preg with my 2nd child and would like some advice on how to be around her and what to talk about or not to talk about.

I feel so guilty as we have had few probs this time and none with my previous preg.

It's nice that you are trying to get advice and stuff. Im sure some don't bother. She may not seem very interested in your pregnancy and probably won't want to talk about it much. Or at least thats how I was, she may be different. Just be supportive and listen to her. Her hurt will not go away easily, it will come and go. Best wishes, would she consider coming on here for support? xx

Hi dragon heart, really sorry to hear about your sisters loss, i had a missed m/c in August and just couldnt belive it! totally knocked me for 6 as i thought " it couldnt happen to me" - I found that when my sister first spoke to me about it i just cried and cried , this really helped me.
as the weeks go on it does get easier and the only people to talk at ease about it is my Dh and sis which is great as i feel that everybody else has foggotern my baby. She will have good days and really bad ones but just be there. I personellyt wanted to see friends babys and talk about them as i had some extra love to spare xxxxx

Let her take the lead. Be there for her, be good company, don't tie yourself in knots to avoid discussing your pg but (obviously) don't go OTT with the name shortlists and scan pictures. Let her be how she wants to be, feel (and let out) whatever she feels. I had a mc in July and another last month, and am very, very up and down.

Take her lead, too, on the issue of how she 'interprets' the mc (iyswim) and of trying again. Don't offer any comments about nature or about how she can have other babies. Refer to her lost baby as a baby. The main thing is to communicate to her that you are aware she has suffered a real and awful loss.

Thanks to you all for your advice. Must be hard for you so I am very grateful.

Guess I know that when I see her I will know what to say, but has just really hit me, I know it must be much worse for her but when she had some bleeding, I really thought it would be fine.

Thanks again. xxx

Hi there
I had a mmc a couple of weeks ago, am doing OK, bit up and down. A few of my friends and colleagues are pg, and it's not too bad.
I haven't seen them yet, but have talked to them, and they've both let me take the lead in conversations about their babies, not pushing things on me too soon.
She will know that there is nothing anyone can do to make things different, your baby is going nowhere, and she wouldn't wish what's happened to her on her worst enemy, so just be yourself, be natural and take her lead. Each day will get easier.
I've been fine with pg friends, but I'm not sure I'll be OK if I'm not pg again soon-ish - by the time ds would have been born, summer etc. That may be worth thinking of.
Hope this helps
BFB

Hi. My two sisters and I all fell pregnant together within a month of each other earlier in the year. I had a missed miscarriage at 3 months. Both my sisters continued on with their pregnancies. One sister had her baby three weeks ago and the other sister is due on what would have been my due date, next Wednesday.

It has not been easy for me but I have been supportive of both of them all the way through their pregnancies, talking to them and giving them advice when needed and not breaking down in tears in front of them even though I have wanted to.

What saddens me is that neither have asked how I am doing at this point of time, which is not too good over the last few weeks.

Please don't hold back from asking how she is doing - she would be happy and excited for you, as I am but still sad at the same time. Please let her know that you are thinking of her, that there is no easy words to say but she needs to know that you have not forgotten about her emotional state. That is what families do - support each other in both the good and bad times.

The fact you are acknowledging the difficulty of the situation is a start. Good luck.

Talked to her on the phone today and at first she was really upset, but after talking for a while she was able to talk to me about how she was feeling. I suppose that I knew that when I properly talked to her it would all feel natural (know that is not the right word for something so sad but YKWIM).

Thanks again for everyone's advice, it has really helped me for now and further down the line when I am having the baby and when she would have had hers. xxx