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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Does anyone feel like another baby is the only way to heal the pain ?

31 replies

jnl0612 · 28/09/2013 20:57

I mmc at 16 weeks in May, I'm lucky enough to have 2dd's but I feel like the pain will not go away until I'm pregnant again. Does anyone else feel this way or am I just going crazy ? It's devastated me more than I ever imagined.

OP posts:

RufousBartleby · 28/09/2013 21:02

Yes!! Thank you for articulating how I feel OP. I TFMR at the start of the year and I feel like only another baby will make it okay. Someone gave DH a baby to hold at a children's party earlier today and I found it hard to look at him holding her and actually felt for a second (completely irrationally) like the person was trying to wound me by passing her to him.

I'm also lucky enough to have a DS but no sign of another pregnancy and my heart is aching.

Original poster

jnl0612 · 28/09/2013 21:10

Thank god I'm not going crazy, I seem to have developed a pregnant woman phobia too. I actually had to get out of a lift because one got in. I feel like I'm going nuts. I've removed pregnant friends of facebook and everything. I get that you feel people are out to make you feel bad. I just feel like screaming sometimes. Hope you get pregnant very soon xxx

OP posts:

undertheduvet · 28/09/2013 21:13

when i had my miscarriage in 2009 the only thing keeping me together was trying straight away to get pregnant again. I already had ds so knew what id lost, luckily got pregnant 4 months later and now have ds2. Personally i felt that the only way i could get past the due date was to be pregnant again.
so sorry for your loss and hope you get your wish soon

DownstairsMixUp · 28/09/2013 21:14

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

NutcrackerFairy · 28/09/2013 22:08

Completely understand.

I miscarried a week ago at 12 weeks. Went for routine scan only to be told that baby had no heartbeat and had stopped growing at just over 11 weeks.

I desperately want to be pregnant again... and also feel it's the only way I will get past this baby's expected due date end March.

However DH is very reluctant to try again. So I may not get the chance

NotSpartacus · 28/09/2013 22:12

I understand.
I miscarried at about 9 weeks last December and have not been pregnant since. I'm 38 so time is not on my side, and I may soon need to face up to the idea of not having another baby, but I am not sure how I am going to do it. My heart hurts.

bonzo77 · 28/09/2013 22:19

Yes. I was desperate to get pg before the due date of the baby I lost. I was. But I ended up with a due date that was also the anniversary of my ERPC! Baby was a month early, and we were home well before the anniversary. I'll still remember those key dates though. Maybe forever.

lighthousesea · 28/09/2013 22:26

Yes, me too. Mmc at 12 weeks. Now all I can think about is being pregnant again. Sending luck to you all

MissRabbitRules · 28/09/2013 22:45

Completely understand. I had a MC in March 2011 when trying to conceive DC1. There was never any doubt that I would just keep going with TTC. Luckily for me I got a BFP 2 months later. DD is now 2.5.
Started TTC DC2 in June. BFP in August, but sadly MC just over 2 weeks ago. Had MC confirmed the day a colleague announced she was pg with DC2. I am really pleased for her as she has not had an easy time, but am really struggling talking to her as she is due a month before I would have been. I am really hoping not to hear of any more pregnancies anytime soon.
Btw I was 37 when I conceived DC1 and am now 39 so don't give up hope too soon Notspatucus

Luisa72 · 28/09/2013 22:45

Yes I think the same. My due date was early April. I'm defo going to try again. At the mo I cant imagine my body feeling normal again as physically all over the place since mc this week. Hoping that getting away next weekend might help. All the best to all of us as we stick in there - through this dark tunnel of deep pain. xx

MabelMay · 29/09/2013 04:42

jnl, yes I feel exactly like this.

2nd MC this year (a MMC end of July). Desperately want to get PG again but also so scared of what it'll bring. But can't imagine being totally happy again until I am. Sad eh.

FrillsandLaces · 29/09/2013 05:55

I honestly thought I was a horrible person for feeling like this! Ive been desperate for another baby since my son died in march, he was my first baby and I so wanted him. He was 3 months early but so lovely. I got pregnant again in June but lost it in July, it was due on my sons original due date aswell so I really thought that it was a present from my son.

I also deleted pregnant people off my Facebook ect. My closest friend had her daughter 3 weeks after I had my son and met her for the first time last week and it was so hard, I actually cried there and then it was lovely and awful at the same time.

I really do feel the only thing I can do to help is to have another baby, I think about my son everyday, he'd be 6 months old now. 6 months. Most people dont let me talk about him they'll change the subject l, my partners family were horrific to him when our son was dying so im still really angry over that and rant about it at least once a week.

When I got pregnant again in June id seem a shotting star and as daft as it sounds I wished to be pregnant again, I often wonder if I should of wished for a healthy pregnancy instead

Original poster

jnl0612 · 29/09/2013 07:56

Ohgoodness frills that's awful really sorry about your son.
My family weren't the best to me about losing the baby, the didn't approve of me having a 3rd so admitted they were glad.
Why are families so shitty sometimes

OP posts:

RufousBartleby · 29/09/2013 08:09

Oh Frills thats heartbreaking - not surprised you cant face anyone pregnant, life is so unfair.

MissRabbitRules · 29/09/2013 10:08

Frills so sorry to hear about your losses. If you do want to talk about your DS there are lots of lovely people here who will listen and try to help.

Jnl it defies believe that anyone would say they were glad for a lost baby (regardless of the stage of life).

Fingers crossed that we all get those sticky beans soon x

jimijack · 29/09/2013 10:21

Yes this is how I felt too.

Even now I'm struggling to end what became an obsession.

6 years later & 7 miscarriages suffered I now have my baby boy.

I couldn't/wouldn't give up. I still can't believe it's over and my precious little chap is here, at last.

All the very best to you all.

FluffyDucky · 29/09/2013 12:54

I'm so glad this thread is here! My thoughts are just dominated with being pg again. I had a termination in June at 15 weeks after finding out baby was not going to survive, it feels like so much time has passed! I'm now always thinking about that feeling of being pg :(
My boss at work is pg, about 5 weeks behind where I was, it hurts so much to see her bump every day (but I am so happy for her) and where I work we get a lot of customers with babies etc.. shopping.
It's so scary wanting to try again

FrillsandLaces · 29/09/2013 16:50

That's awful jnl, im really sorry xxx people in general can be quite horrible cant they xx

Honey786 · 29/09/2013 16:57

Hi jnl,
I completely understand the feeling. I mmc in March this year and was devastated. I had this desperate need to be pregnant again and could think of nothing else. We ttc as soon as AF returned because I felt that getting pregnant would heal my pain and help me cope with the months ahead leading up to what would have been the expected due date, which was last week. I was right, I got a BFP in August and it helped me a great deal to get through last week, although I'm terrified at the moment of it happening again.

You are not crazy and I hope things work out for u, my thoughts are with you x

emogirly6 · 03/10/2013 16:14

yes!!
I mmc with twins in July and got pregnant straight after. had an ectopic and lost that one too a week ago. I'm so desperate for a baby its all I think of, I feel like I am cursed and that the pain won't go till I get pregnant again. Think a good idea is to go with your GP's advice and therapy, this may be useful for you, im rite there with you girl xx feel your pain,
big love xxx

barkingtreefrog · 03/10/2013 21:12

jimijack so pleased you finally had your happy ending.

jnl yep, same here. Was ttc first baby for 22 cycles then mc last month. Desperately waiting for AF to return so I can start taking clomid again and return to ttc. I think being pg again is going to be the only thing that will help me cope with pg friend whose edd is within days of when mine would have been.

Chacha23 · 06/10/2013 10:39

Yes, definitely. It was the only thought keeping me sane after my ERPC.

That being said I'm not sure the pain ever completely goes away. I was lucky enough to become pregnant again soon after my MC, and it's been almost a year now, but I'm still super sensitive to the topic. The other day I was watching a movie in which an early MC happens, and I just burst into tears. Was not expecting that.

kitkat321 · 06/10/2013 22:20

For me, as someone who fell pregnant not quite by accident but it was certainly a surprise and much quicker than expected, what it has highlighted as that both me and my OH are very keen to have a baby and have more of a proactive determination to get pg again - and soon!

That's the positive that I'm taking out of this whole experience and I'm clinging on to that!

Makqueen2 · 08/10/2013 11:53

It was for me. I had a mmc diagnosed in April and miscarried it naturally in May (4 weeks passed between being told and miscarrying, it only all bit me a couple of months ago how hard it actually was).

I was desparatly sad. I also had to keep hearing about all the royal baby bulshit hysteria that was everywhere.

I feel pregnant again in July. Touch wood all is well and I glad that I pregnant and won't have to face that baby's due date at the beginning of November still hurting as much as I would have been if I hadn't been pregnant again.

NutcrackerFairy · 08/10/2013 13:54

Those of you who managed to get pregnant again so soon after your mc, do you mind if I ask how old you were when you conceived the second time?

It's just that I am now 40 and panicking a bit about it... so on second thoughts if you are 25 perhaps don't tell me

So sorry for your earlier losses too

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