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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

Have miscarried at eleven weeks

31 replies

MortifiedAdams · 20/08/2013 15:37

Dont know what I want from this thread, maybe just to talk will help.

Pink discharge started a few days ago, then brown blood, then yesterday lots of fresh red blood and clots. Booked at EPAU for tomorrow 11am but in the meantime I had major bleeding and cramping and eventually passed the baby.

It was tiny, with limbs, although not massively developed, and I could see its spine through the skin

I feel all at sea. We have a little girl, who is staying at Nannas house tonight.

OP posts:

ProphetOfDoom · 20/08/2013 15:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kelda · 20/08/2013 15:48

I'm so sorry. How incredibly sad. Hope you you have someone looking after you.

IrisWildthyme · 20/08/2013 16:12

Oh my dear I am so sorry for your loss.

Of course we can be supportive here but you will probably get more for a real life hug than form a bunch of strangers on the internet - do you have someone you can see who can help you? Have a look here to see if any of these options might be helpful to you.

Don't try to "get over" your grief too quickly. You need to experience and acknowledge your grief, and mourn the loss. You can bury the remains yourself if you like, or you can arrange a cremation if that's what you prefer. Whatever you need to do to help you process your feelings is OK.

IrisWildthyme · 20/08/2013 16:12

for = from sorry typing mistake

chocolatefrog · 20/08/2013 16:19

I am sorry for your loss. Take it easy, rest and give yourself time. I have found these threads a real help over the last month (MMC at 12 wks). It's a rollercoaster of emotions but reading other peoples stories and posting here has helped me enormously.

TheBoysMamma · 20/08/2013 16:31

I'm so sorry for your loss

Original poster

MortifiedAdams · 20/08/2013 16:59

Thank you everyone. DH has been amazing. My parents are away til the endof the week so telling them wiell be hard.

OP posts:

bluelighthouse · 21/08/2013 19:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm currently going through the same thing. I've found talking on here really helps. Please look after your self and take things day by day.

Original poster

MortifiedAdams · 21/08/2013 19:03

Oh I am so sorry Blue it is such a sad time, isnt it.

We left Bean at the hospital. He/she measured eight weeks so am sad thinking of the last three weeks when even thpugh I still had symptoms, it had all finished.

Ive worn myself out today just with a walk to the shops and back so am having a duvet day tomorrow.

OP posts:

2beornot · 21/08/2013 21:39

So sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I'm so sorry you had yo go through that. I had a missed mc at 12 wks (baby dies at 8) but I had a ERPC so didn't have to pass anything myself.

I hope you're managing to get some support from your DH. I found that a surprising number of friends had been through a miscarriage but had kept quiet about it. So speak to friends if you think it will help. It did for me.

Are they sure the mc is complete? It's important that it has as you don't want to get an infection or pass more later.

Look after yourself x

ProphetOfDoom · 21/08/2013 21:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

MortifiedAdams · 21/08/2013 21:58

2b so sorry to hear your story - this really is very common isnt it? I have a work friend who went through this about a year ago too.

A few people.knew about the pregnancy so telling them has been hard but they have been so wonderful.

My parents return from their holidays tomorrow and I really dont know when to tell them I dont want to ruin the memories of their trip but they will want me to speak up. My mam will be devastated that she wasnt here. I forsee a lot.of tears tomorrow.

I am constantly thinking about work - I asled for a few days off but know of I need any more Im.going to need a sicknote. I dont know what to do. Im still bleeding and aching and sort of want that to finish before I go back, but then I have holidays in from the middle of next week and kind of think if i can push myself back sat and sun I can then take holiday instead of sick leave.

I dont know what to do.

OP posts:

2beornot · 21/08/2013 22:40

Take more time off if you need it. Your gp will totally understand and I'm sure they'll write you a sick note. Personally I'd rather have sick leave and take the holiday for when you can enjoy it.

I presume your parents don't know? Of course they'll be upset and will wish they were there but you won't have ruined their trip. They won't give it a single thought and neither should you x

IrisWildthyme · 21/08/2013 22:43

No don't go back to work till you are ready. You will have a better recovery in the long run if you take all the time you need now. If you are still bleeding and aching you are not well enough to go back to work. Get a sick note, look after yourself, and stop thinking about work - it can wait till after your holiday.

Wishing you strength for getting through the pain of telling your parents about it.

bluelighthouse · 22/08/2013 08:53

It's so horrible, although I am finding some great support in this forum. It's such a hidden thing that you feel like you are the only one going through it on the rl. It feels like every friend has just announced a pregnancy or a new baby since I found out too. I was looking forward to breaking this wonderful news, now I just have to pretend like nothing has happened the past three months.

I'm also struggling with the idea that the baby died before I realised. It makes me question my body - even though I know this often happens.

Please look after yourself. I will probably end up with a long period off work. I can't think about going back yet. Keep talking on here if you need to.

Vatta · 22/08/2013 09:11

So sorry Adams.

In terms of taking time off, it's realistic to need at least 2 weeks, my GP told me not to go back before then. Physically your body is going through a lot, and emotionally you're grieving for your baby.

I actually stayed off for a month in total, felt I needed to.

Talking about it on here helps.

Original poster

MortifiedAdams · 22/08/2013 11:27

Last night was hard - it finally hit us. The memory of the actual miscarriage is upseting me and dh is greiving for the little boy or girl the baby would have become.

It breaks my heart to see him so sad.

Telling my parents was a shock - my dm instantly retorted that we are young and can try again. My dad stayed quiet. No hugs, nothing.

I got.more sympathy from the lady at my scan yesterday. Its making me feel sick.

OP posts:

kelda · 22/08/2013 11:31

Lots of people don't really understand what a miscarriage is like, particulary one at 12 weeks. They don't understand that you saw and held your tiny baby; they assume it would have been like a heavy period.

Original poster

MortifiedAdams · 22/08/2013 11:47

Mmm maybe that is it.

Getting a sicknote now, have holiday booked for a weeks time, so taking a week ssp then will hopefully return after annual leave.

OP posts:

2beornot · 22/08/2013 12:23

I'm sorry you're parents didn't react how you wanted/needed them to. My mum also started with the trying again nonsense, plus it would be easier this time because I've had a 'clear out'. Yes a clear out of MY BABY you stupid woman!!

Good for you taking time off. I went back far too soon and really wish I had taken another few days off.

Bakingtins · 22/08/2013 13:23

Mort I'm so sorry you lost your baby. You've done the right thing by taking the time off to allow yourselves to grieve and recuperate. It's horrible when people you love say the wrong thing. So many people want to minimise the loss because they can't handle how much you are hurting.
I've had 4MC and my parents still haven't really worked out what to say. My Dad tends to come out with the classic "oh, there's enough love in your family for another one" (thanks Dad, I guess this one died because I didn't love it enough then?) It's a hard situation to empathise with unless you have been through similar yourself.

sydenhamhiller · 22/08/2013 13:30

I am so sorry to hear this-- similar happened to me (12 weeks, but missed mc at about 8 weeks). No one except DH knew I was pregnant, and when I told a few people, most just don't know what to say, and l

sydenhamhiller · 22/08/2013 13:32

Oops- posted to soon!
I was going to add : look uncomfortable.

I found it a tough time, and had a 6 and 8 year old to pretend to. This message board was a godsend, it really helped to know there were people who 'knew' how I felt.

Thinking of you, and look after yourself.

Bambamb · 22/08/2013 13:41

I'm very sorry for your loss. You definitely should take time off work to recover both physically and emotionally. I have had two natural miscarriages and took 3 weeks off both times. After the first I was in hospital for a while and needed blood transfusions. In hindsight I should have taken longer off work that time. But everyone is different.
I remember I felt like I'd been physically beaten up the second time. It really is a lot to go through.
Take care of yourself and each other. You will get through it, time does heal. Just be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve. Xxx

DangoDays · 22/08/2013 13:44

Oh so sorry to hear you have gone through this. It is such a tough time and not helped by insensitive reactions where grief is not recognised. Unfortunately too common for those of us who have experienced it but means there are those who understand here and ready to listen.

Rest and look after your needs. Agree good to take the time off. Like 2beornot I went back too soon and really needed longer to feel better. I found a good loud sob to be a real release iykwim.

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