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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Advice on friends who lost baby at 30 weeks

2 replies

DingbatsFur · 13/07/2013 22:05

Some good friends of ours had horrible news that their baby was unlikely to survive at their 20 week scan. Sadly the baby died at 30 weeks of a heart defect. They had a family funeral. We sent them supportive messages throughout but left them to grieve.
We are due to meet up with them next week. Any tips on what to say? I lost a baby at 13 weeks so I have an inkling of how it feels and how small things people say sound so insensitive and I want to do right by them as friends.
Any advice would be lovely.

OP posts:
Bakingtins · 13/07/2013 22:12

Hi Dingbats I think as someone who has suffered the loss of a baby, albeit at a much earlier stage, you are well placed to be sensitive, just because you are aware how hurtful some of the things people say can be. SANDS has some advice for friends and family here
Good luck.

Rosduk · 22/07/2013 05:17

We lost our little boy at 27 weeks and had a family funeral etc. I found that some people, even now 7 months later just avoid the subject and don't talk about it as it makes them uncomfortable and also don't know how to bring it up. At the early stages I appreciated anyone that actually asked us how we are, how the funeral went, and who acknowledged our son rather than ignore what happened, even if it made me cry. It was surprisingly frequent the amount of people that avoided the subject, even amongst family and close friends!
I like talking about my son, we miss him, our much loved son, and now, as people's lives have moved on, times are harder now for us as he is rarely mentioned any more. I always appreciate it when he is mentioned in conversation by others who are not afraid to acknowledge him.

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