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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

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Original poster

What could I do to help my friend with her miscarriage at 13 wks ?

12 replies

Piffle · 30/05/2006 20:28

Have a lovely lovely new friend who recently moved to our area - her dh works with mine.
I am not close close to her, but we text and met up regularly - she was surprised to be expecting (her ds is 8 mths and a handful) she was also terrifed to tell me as I have been ttc no3 with early miscarriages etc for 3 yrs.
she is such a happy go lucky person, her dh has just rung me to say she now has to have an op I presume a retained products op...
I want to send her something lovely that would help her feel better - A hand made basket not just flowers IYKWIM
I just have no clue with what to start with
I thought a book, a nice candle, some chocs? A plant?
I don't know...

OP posts:

lahdeedah · 30/05/2006 20:32

Some nice toiletries - body cream, hand lotion, etc. Always cheers me up to feel all gorgeous and pampered.

Gem13 · 30/05/2006 20:43

When I was in this situation one of my friends brought round a dinner that we had to reheat for 10 minutes. There was enough for the 4 of us for 2 days.

It was a meal that we'd had at her house a year or so before that I'd raved about.

So kind on many different levels. Much appreciated by me and DH who'd been looking after me, the children and working.

lahdeedah · 30/05/2006 20:49

Gem13 - that is so lovely.

Maybe if you can't manage a whole meal, a big home-baked chocolate cake would surely go down well.

Also you could include some vouchers to redeem for babysitting sessions, as required.

lahdeedah · 30/05/2006 20:51

(actually no - just thought about that last thing, a bit insensitive in the circumstances..... )

Gem13 · 30/05/2006 20:55

It was lovely of her. To think that she'd put herself out like that on a practical level was really kind. She had a 4 week old baby too!

TBH - I didn't want flowers, chocolates, the more celebratory kind of stuff.

Original poster

Piffle · 30/05/2006 21:04

she has her paretns here for the day of the op looking after ds and her dh will stay with her. her parents are staying the next 4 days so she will not need domestic help.
I'd like to let her know I am feeling for her and something to brighten her days a little...

OP posts:

Marina · 30/05/2006 21:09

Piff, did she have any early/dating scans (other than the one at which I assume she got the bad news), because although 13 weeks means she may not have much else, she might like a pretty little keepsake box to keep her scan images in :(
Hope her op goes well, what a sad piece of news

Original poster

Piffle · 30/05/2006 22:44

No scan she was due for scan at 16 wks as is the norm here with no nuchal scan.
I feel torn as she is not old and close friend who I would feel comfy marching in and helping out without being asked IYSWIM
I'll trundle around and figure out a little gift basket with a mixture of things I think might help maybe

OP posts:

oinker · 31/05/2006 14:38

Piff,

You will probably find that as soon as she sees you she will be very emotional.
You have expereinced what she is expereincing and she will know that. You should prepare yourself for an emotional trip. Just a hug would be gift enough. That's all I wanted.
As we know this is a sad and confusing time. It helped me loads to talk thru my m/c with a freind/colleague who had expereinced the same.
Good luck.

hana · 31/05/2006 14:41

I've been in this situation and I had a few cards and notes that I've kept - so maybe a simple note and a basket of a few pampering things would mean a lot. She'll talk when she's ready so maybe even have them delivered, I couldn't and didnt' want to see anyone for ages
you seem v thoughtful

Original poster

Piffle · 31/05/2006 15:13

I think she is someone who wants to deal with it privately, which I understand as I feel the same personally.
I imagine she'll keep herself to herself for sometime yet.
I'll got a lovely card today and will put a nice message in it and am heading out over next day or so to get a few nice things for her too.

OP posts:

weewilliewinkie · 31/05/2006 16:55

Hiya Piffle,

Your poor friend. I found that escaping in a good, amusing book helped me 'forget' my troubles for a wee while, and even made me smile. Found myself reading a lot of old Bill Bryson books, travel stuff totally unrelated to anything female, iykwim.

How about some nice bath oils, pampering stuff like those sachets of face masks, hair masks etc?

Agree with oinker that it will be an emotional experience when she sees you. I could hardly contain myself whenever I spoke to anyone who had miscarried too.

Of course, you could point her in the direction of MN - just the realisation that she's not alone in her experience could help. Certainly helped me enormously.

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