"Empty Pregnancy" at 12 weeks, what happens now?

[Chocolateporridge]

I should have been having my 12 week scan tomorrow but after bleeding and being in A&E they gave me a scan today and told me I have an empty sack and quite a small one. I've had all the pregnancy symptoms and even a bump so it all feels very unreal.

They told me that they'll give me a week to see if it comes away naturally and I was too upset to ask much more but now I'm wondering what I should expect next. Will it be very painful? How long will it take? I have a 2yo dd and my dh is full time self employed so am on my own most of the day and worried I might need some help.

Thanks

So sorry to hear of your loss. I had a mmc last year and they have me three options, wait for nature to take its course, take tablets & pessary to start it off or have a procedure to remove the pregnancy. I went for the tablets as the bean had stopped growing at 8 weeks & they found it at my 12 week scan so didn't know how much longer it would take & wanted the physical side over so I could start to heal emotionally. I didn't want the ERPC as that felt too invasive for me but it is a very personal decision and you need to do what's right for you. When it does start, either naturally or after medication you will have cramps & bleeding like a very heavy period, the severity differs from person to person. For me my physical symptoms were pretty much done within a week but other people its lasted for 2 weeks. Hope whatever you chose to do it goes smoothly. Don't underestimate how much it will knock you out, physically & emotionally & give yourself time to grieve & time to heal.

Thanks tops, at least now I have a better idea about what to expect.

I feel very overwhelmed and also kind of wish that I didn't have to get on with ordinary life, it would be nice to have time to get my head straight but with a toddler its impossible. On the other hand, its good to have her as a distraction because when I think about things I just cry.

The cramps and bleeding have slowed a lot but I really do hope things happen naturally, and soon.

Hi chocolate. So sorry for your situation, I'm going through similar myself.
I can say so far, waiting for nature to kick in was the worst part. Once it started, it has been uncomfortable but bareable. I'm not sure when this will be over for me, but so far I only needed painkillers once. I'm lucky DC is at school and DH being brilliant and doing lots so I can just rest until it's over. My DC has seen me rushing to the bathroom etc. and just knows Mummy has lady problems! He was more worried seeing me throwing up from morning sickness tbh.
I feel strangely refreshed today, though passing pain free clots at the mo. I had some contraction like pain for around 24 hours and some lower back pain for a few hours. I don't know if I'm awaiting some horrendous happening or, whether the worst is over. I guess I'll know at my EPU follow up on Fri. It's been uncomfortable, painful but I could sleep lightly through it. I would just make sure you have some good painkillers, plenty of super thick night time pads, and time to yourself for a couple of long showers where possible.
I chose not to pay attention to what I have been passing. I was given a pot of formaldehyde to put anything in...frankly there is no way I am going to fish around to salvage anything. Everyone is different. I will do something beautiful to mark the passing, I just didn't think that salvaging the tissue would do anything to ease our pain, though it may save the EPU a scan. I don't expect them to do any tests or similar.
I wish you well at what is a horrible time.

Sorry to hear about your scan, OP.

I agree with snooping that the waiting is the most difficult part. I found out at an early scan that my embryo had stopped growing just before 6 weeks. There was something in the sac, but it was not as developed as it should have been. I decided to give it a couple of weeks to see if nature would sort things out, and then go for an ERPC if they hadn't. A few days after my second scan confirming that all was not well, I got some nasty cramps. A couple of hours later, I got some watery discharge (not sure, but maybe the cramps burst the little sac?), then everything stopped for about half a day. Then the bleeding started. I'm on the second day of it now. There is quite a lot of it and I'm using codeine to deal with the pain, which is making me feel quite spaced out. With the help of the painkillers, I am managing to pootle round the house, but going out this morning was probably a mistake. At the moment, it is just like an "uber-period" in terms of both pain and quantity. It's not pleasant, but as hospitals really freak me out, I'm glad I'm giving my body the chance to do things naturally, but the method you choose is a very personal decision. I know several people who have gone straight to ERPC and had "good" experiences with that. This morning while I was curled up on the bed waiting for the drugs to kick in, I did begin to wonder if I should have let the drs take care of it, but it is much more manageable now.

BTW, I had been having acu for fertility, and I saw my acu lady this morning and a few days ago just after my "bad scan", to try to help things along. I've no idea whether it did help or whether it all would have happened anyway, but for me it was worth a go.

Thanks euro and snooping, its so kind of you all to tell me the nitty gritty because I know its not pleasant to talk about but, for me, not knowing what to expect is very hard to deal with, so you've helped put my mind at rest and I'll be prepared when it happens. At the moment I've got on and off "period" cramps and light bleeding which is ok, just very very tired.

chocolate, I found the most practical, humane advice here. And also I spoke to a brilliantly helpful lady at The Miscarriage Association who really reassured me on a few things that were bothering me. She also told me no two experiences are the same but she was amazingly kind and helpful.
I too was exhausted before it started and I have been hungry, hungry in a way that's not normal! Thirsty too.

I find this really tough to discuss in real life, but here it just seems to come babbling out.
Euro, sorry for your loss.
Best wishes for the future to both of you

I should have said this before, but I really am very sorry for your losses too. It's so good to have each other's support.

I'm on the 4th day of bleeding now and feel absolutely exhausted. I wasn't expecting it to take it out of me so much. Steak and green veg for dinner tonight to try to build up my iron stores!

Oh Euro, I'm sorry for you, I hope your iron level doesn't get too low. I've been bleeding since Sunday but this is the worst day so far. I'm hoping that at least this means that I won't need any procedures when I go for my scan on Tuesday.

It really is draining though, and the choccies are just not giving me the boost I need