just want someone to talk to

[sketti]

Almost sure I had a miscarriage during the week, only 8 wks but feel awful. Had cramps, pain, heaving bleeding and clotting. Even think I flushed the baby. Having early scan at hospital but feel I already know. Just feel depressed and like a zombee. Know its complely normal. Haven't told many ppl and would rather talk to someone who has been through it. DS been great, but seems to handle things better than i do.

Sorry, havent been through it, but didnt want you to think no one cares. I care.
Im so sorry. Hugs.

Sorry you are feeling so awful. I had a v. early miscarriage (just under 5 weeks) about 10 days ago so have some idea how you feel. I felt physically much better a day or two after the bleeding stopped, and superficially generally OK quite quickly but then had a real slump this week and felt really wretched for three or four days, very tearful and hopeless about everything and also had horrible dreams. Not obviously related to the miscarriage (apart from the dreams) but I suppose it is probably reaction and it's all normal as you say.

When is your scan scheduled for? I didn't see a doctor as it was so early and I was quite sure I'd miscarried as I'd been feeling really ill with the early pregnancy and the sickness stopped almost immediately. But perhaps the scan will be helpful for you - even if it's bad news perhaps it's better to be sure?

My partner was very supportive but I think it's really hard for him to appreciate what the experience is like physically - not just the bleeding but also the huge hormone drop and the loss of any pregnancy symptoms you were having.

I hope you feel better soon.

so sorry for your loss x

Ah sketti - so sorry to hear that. Sounds like you may have had a complete MC but it's a good idea to have the scan just to check everything has gone. I've had 3 now, all complete (thank goodness, otherwise a D&C is recommended to clear everything out - a friend of mine has needed 3 D&Cs after incomplete MCs)

It is fucking upsetting, even that early - mine have ranged from ~6w to ~10w - the last one actually started midway into my (early) scan - had the abdominal scan with full bladder, went to the loo to empty bladder for the intravaginal probe scan and started bleeding. Poor radiographer was all "it could be ok, you know" and I was just "yes thanks but really I don't think so, been here before".

(((hugs))) for you - it will pass but you may feel really shitty for a while yet.

Thank you for all my replies, had the three routine checks, was hard watching the internal and external scan, nothing was there, but from what it sounds its best to be incomplete. hugs to all, its awful isn't it. just feel spaced out and in my own head if you know what I mean. Not ready to talk to anyone about it, the few close friends i told, not many, i text and told them but said i didn't want to talk about it. it just seems easier to talk on here. Feel very numb. sure il get past it, but even if only early the grief is horrible must worse than i thought at such early stage. was so excited before. I do a part time job and weekends, no one knows I was even pregnant, to go in and pretend all is normal friday makes me feel sick x

See if you can take some time off work, just to give yourself some space to grieve. It is a bereavement - it's the loss of hope, the loss of your expectations as much as the loss of the pregnancy and it takes a while to adjust to that. Rescue remedy can help when the numbness wears off - but you just need some time.

Thanks Thumbwitch, will see what I can do, just scared of it getting out at work. Just hope my boss can keep mouth shut xx emotions all over the place at moment

Yes, not surprising. Would you have to be completely specific with your boss or could you fudge the issue a little?

I don't think you need to say what's wrong, sketti, if you need time off work. You could just say that you've been quite unwell, that you're recovering but you won't be well enough to return to work until [whenever]. If anyone asks further you can always that it's a gynecological problem and you'd rather not go into details. I don't think anyone is going to push beyond that!

On the other hand you might find the routine of going to work and so on helpful if you're feeling physically better by then. Completely up to you I think, but do take the time if you need it.

I dont know, will have a think. prob better off not going this week atm keeping crying randomly. thanks for advice really nice of you all. Think ds is struggling with me, ds kind of man who cope with pain by pretending all ok and avoiding talking about it. Feel like i'm a constant reminder for him and his avoidance can get to me too x

Just checking - by ds do you mean your partner? Only asking cos it usually stands for dear son, which is a bit confusing, sorry!

If it is your partner, then yes - they can be a bit shit at times like this - mine certainly was! He dealt with it by ignoring the reality of it - after the second one, when I came home with the scan, his response to me telling him that it showed a too-small sac was "so you were never really pregnant then?" He can be an absolutely insensitive fuckwit at times, I have to say - he got a right earful then and was told in no uncertain terms exactly how it felt TO ME and he had no fucking right to dis my feelings just because it didn't seem important to him. He saw the force of my argument and was a lot better when no. 3 happened. But I don't go to him for comfort over things like this because he, like many men, is a "fixer", a "problem solver" and this is not something that can be fixed or solved, it just has to be lived through and sometimes that's hard. I had a lot of comfort on the boards here, and from my female friends; and DH just had to give me space to feel shit about it.

So your partner needs to have a few hints dropped on how best to help you - if it's space you need, then space you should have; if you prefer a cuddle, then he should oblige - and at some point he should really have some kind of discussion as to how he really feels about it - but be prepared for him to not really feel too much, cos it didn't happen to him and he doesn't get the hormone rush or anything else about being pregnant,

Yes I meant DH not ds. Thankyou Thumbwitch that message really made me feel less alone. Men can be real shits. Didn't go into work. told my boss and made her promise to keep in quiet I'll be so upset if it gets out. Going to try and go in tonight, not sure but can always use snow as an excuse. On top of everything my nan went into hospital (89) on sat. Think I'll break down if she dies. Lifes shit sometimes. Thanks for support.