Friends - quality over quantity

[Sadmum71]

I've found recently that I just can't be arsed with some of my friends.

For context I've been through a bit of a hard time over the past few years with parents dying, in-laws dying, narcissistic sister estranging me, BIL dying of alcoholism, husband being very ill. On top of menopause and all the joy that brings...

And now I just want a quiet life. Friends who I've had for years but who just weren't there for me through the rough stuff I just can't be bothered with. I only want genuine, transparent and caring friendships. I know that's kind of obvious, but I'm surprising myself with how ruthless I am these days. It's quite refreshing but where will it stop!? I'm kind of the same with my work, no bullshit behaviour accepted. I'm self employed so I'm gonna end up with no clients at this rate!

I do have a lovely husband and 2 grown up kids and I think they're great so that's lucky...

Is this an age thing or some sort of PTSD thing!?

I am the same. Also had a difficult few years and am menopausal and have lost/cut about 80% of my friends over the last 10 years.

I have no drama in my life, no one-upmanship, passive aggressive comments etc. I am not exhausted from 'being on' and hearing what people say but also feeling what they really mean underneath.

I only want genuine, fun, authentic friends and even then only sometimes. I don't care if I fit in any more. Luckily, I have a husband and children who I like being with.

I will have to watch isolating myself but at the moment my life is peaceful.

Only you can say whether you’re needlessly dumping people who couldn’t provide support in the way you wanted because they had their own stuff going on, or whether you have, like many Mners, lots of ‘friends’ you don’t really much like.

Probably life experience?

Try and be professional with work though. The friends...meh. Find real ones. I have some amazing friends who are very supportive. More like sisters really. Unselfish. As I am for them. You sound like you'd fit in as we're honest types. No bullshit.

I hope your dh is ok now? That must be very stressful on top of your losses. Although the SIL sounds like someone you don't need back.

Sounds like you're running out of fucks to give. Entirely natural. And liberating.

Is this an age thing or some sort of PTSD thing!?

You've just ran out of patience and set the bar higher.

I have some of what you had, and a bit more.

I've 'cooled' some friendships where some life-long friends (going back 40 years) have not stepped up and even asked how I / we are.

I just can't be bothered where friendships aren't 50-50 any more.