Anyone else relate to basement level self esteem and how to improve it?

[massivestress]

Im autistic, diagnosed mid 30s and am now post menopause early 50s.
ive put on a menopausal middle and although I eat really well and exercise my body is as good as its going to get unless I increase sessions which I just don’t have space to do.

im probably size 10-12 with sloping boobs and belly. I’m wide hipped and look like a triangle. I’m very self conscious of my pin head and frizzy hair which I’ve spent soooo much money on to try to improve.

I realised today (we are on holiday) that I am ashamed of myself. I think when younger I was fairly attractive and this made up a tiny bit for the autistic social crapness and confidence within NT society.

I realised I am analysing people’s reactions to me and feeling ashamed of how I look and assuming they think I’m pathetic, frumpy, poor, all the negative things we hear about women.

its awful. I’ve started scuttling around, head down, can’t look in the mirror at the hairdressers, am apologetic in my interactions with people.

how on earth do I turn this around?

Oh OP, I really relate to this. I think my self esteem has always been low but it's got a lot worse. HRT definitely helps me but it doesn't completely solve the problem.
Be kind to yourself 💐

HRT has helped with some of the brain fog. It’s just that loss of myself that’s really difficult. I’ve never been confident but outwardly I fitted in, I’m just shocked at this extreme shame I feel and this sense of myself as being undeserving of space.