Anyone else worried they won't survive perimenopause?

[Specialneedsnightmare]

I have existing health issues but peri has really ramped them up. Nothing inherently life threatening but very life limiting with lots more inflammation, allergies, bowel issues and generally feeling very unwell. I've become convinced that I won't live through this to see old age (and not sure i want to either).

Basically, I feel like my body is failing and it's a mystery how anyone survives.

Is the anxiety likely to be peri related as well? I honestly feel like I'm dying and I'm not an anxious person usually, although I've had depression my entire life.

HRT is not really an option due to family cancer history, although I might have to consider something. Siblings are very anti HRT and have warned me against it due to the risk of having the cancer gene (i don't meet the criteria for testing).

It's hard to explain but I'm scared I'm on my way out.

Anyone else like this?

Hello

I'm so sorry that sounds awful. Anxiety is absolutely a common part of perimenopause - it was by far the worst part for me, I started having panic attacks and intrusive thoughts.

I think you need to see your GP - at the very least they will be able to give you accurate information about your personal risk factors in relation to HRT and about your other health issues.

Don't listen to your relatives, get some proper advise from someone with a medical degree. You don't have to tell your siblings if you decide to go on hrt - it's a private personal choice.

Even if you can't have HRT there will be something else they can do to help you with the anxious thoughts, I know how awful that is.

You don't have to feel like this - there will be something that can be done to help.

If helpful - I did feel like you. I had some pre existing health issues which all flared up, I didn't realise I was perimenopausal as well. I went on HRT and did a physio programme. It has not fixed everything, I still get debilitating migraines and sometimes feel very unwell from the other health issues still. But - I sleep properly, I am much less anxious and the physio has helped me get back to regular exercise so I am much stronger overall.

It might not be possible to fix everything if you have other health issues but you can feel better than this x

Hrt is a very safe option nowdays wirh minimal risk
The comparison between.not being on and being on the correct dose is uncompariable as fair as have experienced.
Relatives may hae an opnion but do they know current up to date faxts of taking hrt.
Surely a gp can match you to what you need and will be monitoring it as well.

I swore by HRT and I have cancer in my family. Go and see your GP.
If your feeling anxious at the moment get some Kalms. Even at 71 I still wake up anxious sometimes. I just take some Kalms a banana and a cup of tea in the morning and I feel a lot better.
Hope your GP helps and only take their advice instead of listening to advice from people who are not qualified to help you. Good luck💐.

@Specialneedsnightmare What is the cancer in your family? Are you meaning breast cancer?
It's quite likely it's not the risk you think it is - re. HRT.

I'm not sure what your siblings mean about the BRACA gene- do they have the gene? Do your sisters have breast cancer? Can you give more details?

If you aren't eligible for the test that means you don't have the family history you are worried about.

A strong family history of breast cancer at a young age and more than 1 close family member- presume you have checked this out?

IF there is a strong family history of breast cancer you need to ask your GP to refer you to a menopause consultant and talk it over with an expert.

Unless your sisters have been tested and advised not to use hrt, they are not the best people to tell you what to do- get medical advice.

My mental health took a battering and yes, I really thought long and hard about whether I really wanted to continue. It was an awful time. Please please go and see your GP and explain how you're feeling.

If you have had breast cancer yourself then yes, the GPs are reluctant to prescribe but within the wider family it doesn't mean it's a definite no-no. Your sisters are being spectacularly unhelpful and would have a different attitude if it was their mental health on the floor. As with everything it's a balance of risk.

a) Are you on anti anxiety meds? Maybe try those before exploring HRT further. Hormones are generally safe but many cancers are oestrogen driven. Both things are true. That is why there is still a reticence among doctors.
b) Are you doing all the other obvious things? Diet overhaul, weight training, walking 30 mins a day, drinking lots of water and having zero caffeine and alcohol on most days?
c) Can you afford to pay for gene testing? It might help you feel confident to explore HRT?
d) Have you had all your chronic conditions carefully monitored? I thought I was really struggling in perimenopause but it turns out I have bad fibroids that need hormone treatment to shrink them and then surgery. Meanwhile according to my ovaries I’m 10 years out of full menopause (gynae predicts that I’ll go through it late looking at their health). So make sure you aren’t mistaking peri for other issues that should be treated.

@WhatNextImScared NICE guidance is not to use SSRIs for menopause and definitely not as well as starting HRT as it isn't possible to know which is helping.

Hormones are generally safe but many cancers are oestrogen driven.

The evidence on HRT shows it's the type of progesterone alongside estrogen that may accelerate breast cancer.
There are not 'many cancers drive by estrogen.'
Most female cancers are driven by lifestyle- 7 times more breast cancer by being overweight, compared to HRT. Biggest risk of womb cancer is being overweight. The latest research shows that some breast cancers are accelerated by estrogen +progesterone, but not caused by it- in other words it's already there.

If your depression and anxiety is being caused by falling estrogen then SSRIs will do bugger all. Been there, twice.

I could have written this myself.

I have had a really rough perimenopause with every symptom from vertigo, raging anxiety, insomnia, waking in the night with a racing heart and night sweats to hot flushes, joint pain, brain fog, itchy skin, bowel issues and the hideous weight gain round the belly that just won't shift.

Waking up every day in pain, after having had a shit night sleep due to night sweats and racing heart and then trying to go about your day and adult was really difficult.

The worst thing was feeling numb. Feeling nothing. It was a strange feeling like I couldn't find joy in anything anymore.

I remember thinking 'was this it for the rest of my life now?' and I just recall feeling unwell. Just generally feeling tired and unwell. I remember thinking that I may as well be dead as live like this.

HRT didn't work for me, despite trying lots of different types, as I am progesterone intolerant and was still having periods at the time of taking them so couldn't skip that bit. So I had to go through it cold turkey.

So I read up on everything I could about how I could get through this and survive it.

I changed my diet, made better food choices, cut the alcohol back a little, did some weight training, made myself get some fresh air everyday, drank more water, stopped looking at my phone before bed and read instead, went to bed at the same time each night, and I began to take supplements.

Magnesium, Menopace, multivitamins, digestive enzymes, probiotics, and glucosamine and chondroitin. Expensive? A little. Did they help? Absolutely!

Teamed with my new healthier lifestyle and the adjustments I made I began to feel more like myself again. The night sweats stopped, the anxiety lessened, the brain fog got better and the joint pain eased. It was not a miracle cure, I wasn't suddenly better completely but I felt much more in control of my life again and that feeling of doom and gloom lifted.

I felt happier again instead of feeling nothing and I got my mojo back.

I am now period free (hooray!) and have come out the other side but it was a really hard time in my life.

It helped that I had family that understood and a husband who 'got it' and I love him so much for that.

I hope you have support too.

First step for you would be see your GP. See if HRT is an option for you and if it works and then go from there.

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply.

Energy is limited but will try to cover everything.

My mum had triple negative breast cancer and paternal grandmother died of an unknown type of breast cancer in the 1950s.

No other breast cancer and I haven't had it.

Been told I don't meet criteria for testing as my mum was over 40 when she had it.

My diet is very limited but healthy. I have major histamine intolerance and am unbearably ill if I deviate from it now. I believe anxiety may also be linked to histamine and blood sugar.

I will try kalms.

I'm as active as I can be given my health.

I don't get on with antidepressants due to histamine.

Siblings don't have the long term health problems that I do so easy for them to say!

I reacted horribly to menopace. Literally my bowels are only just recovering a bit! I think it was the soya. I take a few but will look into what you mentioned.

Thanks everyone. I live alone and don't have any support so that really doesnt help. I spend a lot of time in my head and cry a lot in the evenings. Peri is just adding another horrible layer to it all.

Sure,. But she doesn’t want to take hrt and she hasn’t tried them. So worth trying?

I bet this is all to do with blood sugar. Have you been offered a trial on metformin? It’s an off label prescription but has been shown to have a huge positive effect on mood.

No i haven't heard of it. Blood sugar is definitely a factor although I dont think the entire picture. I will look into it, thanks.

I meet the criteria for increased risk because my mum had hormone-related breast cancer. However, the increase risk is actually quite small (also less than was previously thought due to improved understanding) and for me, it's worth it because peri symptoms were so awful. HRT is a total game changer and gave me my life back.

ETA: My grandmother also had breast cancer albeit age realted and I live alone too so can fully sympathise. I honestly would urge you to try HRT if you feel that bad. I eventually thought I'd rather - if it came to it - have a shorter life that I enjoyed than a longer one where I was miserable. You could just do a 3-month trial and come off it again if you don't think it's worth it. Obviously I'm not a medical expert but wanted to offer you another point of view.

Thanks. Yes I'm leaning along the lines of taking the risk as things are unbearable as they are.

I get it, OP - and I have been on HRT for four years! My mother turned 80 last weekend and I sincerely hope I don’t have another 30 years in me. I try and take pleasure in small things. I also accept that my life is very different since peri started, and it’s just about coping with it as best I can.

I’m in the same place. Finding things really difficult and anxiety is debilitating, mine focusses on health things. I was never like this before. I do all the things mentioned - exercise, fresh air, water. The two supplements that have taken the edge off for me are Health and Her peri supplement (on 3 for 2 in Boots, Sainsburys etc) and I take full dose Kalms. I know these were already mentioned up thread. I take two three times a day. My PMT is off the charts now. I had a teary meltdown at work this week and next day I got an (unexpected!) period. OP, I totally sympathise. And the feeling of numbness mentioned sums up how I feel. Don’t look forward to anything or get excited about anything anymore. I’d rather not take HRT but have wavered the last few weeks.

I think this is what I will have to do too. Even with hrt it's fair to say my health won't be the way it was before peri, which wasn't good even then. I focus on the small things already luckily but I will much more so now. I definitely dont want to get old. Sorry you're going through this too.

Thanks for the recommendation and I'm sorry you're struggling so much. It really is awful,all of it.

It seems I can't tolerate soya in anything including supplements so I will have to be careful about that.

So your mum's BC was not hormone driven @Specialneedsnightmare
Have you done your own research on your risks using HRT with that family history? My understanding is that triple neg BC means it was not linked to hormones so your risk should not be increased with HRT.

I think you need to see a specialist and if you can afford it, see one privately.

Maybe all the other health issues you're having could be connected to low estrogen.

Has your GP referred you to a gastroenterologist for a diagnosis of your histamine intolerance and your diet? Have you been seen by a dietitian?

Do you have IBS and have you tried the FODMAP diet (under supervision from a dietitian)?

Having a terrible time.
Low and cry often.
Maybe not all menopause as I've also discovered strong autistic traits.
Throw in a load of life stressors
Eldest dc at uni (and I miss her)
Tried HRT - don't feel it did much
Tried various anti-depressants - nope
Booking a private psychiatrist appointment regarding medication possibilities.
I do not want another 30 years of this either.
Want to join the gym. Done nothing about it yet - maybe I'll make an effort next week
Sleep shot
Meant to be easing into retirement and finding it difficult (yes working was difficult too but adjusting to transition has been a nightmare).
Feeling Blah about life. Bored. Fatigued. Brain fogged
NHS are useless regarding mental health, certainly my experience. Complete nightmare.
Makes me feel even more isolated.
Suicide ideation. Told to ring the crisis team or Samaritans. Yes, I've got the
bl**dy numbers thank you.
Existing. Whilst trying to make something out of life
DC keep me going.

I have recently been diagnosed with MCAS that has only ramped up since peri has started. It's fucking miserable!

@Penelopepitt I felt sad reading your post.
My advice is you retry HRT.
I assume you tried one sort, one dose and it didn't work?

There are so many different types, doses and ways of using hrt.

(I've used it for close to 20 years with an excellent private consultant.) I was advised from the start that it can take time to get the right fit. Fortunately for me, I found estrogen gel worked very well , being able to tweak the dose myself from very low to a medium dose.

Many GPs are not experienced in HRT and prescribe the 'bog standard' patch. I've gained a lot of knowledge through my consultant and am happy to try to help you.

You sound in a bad place.
What HRT did you try and for how long?