Well, the first one is true, and the question is genuine.
I'm persistently waking up at night drenched in sweat. My periods are operating on a timetable like Southern Rail; 17 days, 32 days, I never know when it will arrive, how short or long it will be and if it will be a few spots or a soaker.
I suppose I should make an appointment to see the GP in a few months time, but I don't really know what happens then. Do they do any tests to confirm things, or is it just a case of "Yes, sounds like menopause, on your way love."...