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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Where should I live with dd? Need advice...

25 replies

newlysinglemummy · 25/03/2009 22:45

I need to leave my home as cannot afford to stay here. I only have two options, but do not like either of them:
1, Move into a hostel through the council which will be horrible and I will have to share bathroom and kitchen with strangers. And I will feel unsafe there...

2, Move in with my mum. She is selfish, acts like a teenager and has got a young boyfriend living there and my male cousin. So it will be like living in a shared house anyway. But atleast my mum could help by looking after dd sometimes so I can try to have abit of a life.

I'm really not sure what to do as I do not want to do either of them... I am in a horrible situation and cannot afford to stay whereI am.

OP posts:

Hassled · 25/03/2009 22:51

Option 2 while you sort yourself out, which you will - don't think of it as your long-term future, because it won't be. It will be shit, but less shit than Option 1 I'd have thought.

Have you looked at entitledto.com to see what extra benefits you might get? Any maintenance from the ex?

Original poster

newlysinglemummy · 25/03/2009 22:54

No maintence at the moment, but the place I am renting is way too expensive And I want to get a council place so that when I am working full time I can affors to live a comfortable life but it will take about two years to get a place.

OP posts:

Prosecco · 25/03/2009 22:58

Agree with Hassled.

Original poster

newlysinglemummy · 25/03/2009 23:11

Yes I know it probably the best option, but I just feel like it is not really a home at my mums house as it will be her and two men then me and dd.

And it will be for about two years... But atleast I will feel safe there.

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 25/03/2009 23:21

Option one will give you more points with the council so in turnshould re-house you quicker! I stuck that situation out for a yearwith 4 DC. But we had own bathroom. It can be done,and was really worth it.

Original poster

newlysinglemummy · 25/03/2009 23:35

I dont think it will get me a place any quicker as I have already been giving my banding which will not change if I live in a hostel or with my mum, as both will be tempary accomadation.

I dont want to do either option but they are my only choices.

OP posts:

Yurtgirl · 25/03/2009 23:39

Could you possibly live in a rented one bed flat that might be cheaper than your current situation?

I would explore that option if at all possible in preference to your option 1 and 2 which both sound awful.

Original poster

newlysinglemummy · 25/03/2009 23:42

I cannot do that as will then be moved down a band on the housing list and never get a council place.

And I feel the only way to get on my feet and have a decent life is if I get a council place so I can work and pay my own bills and not need help with housing benifit etc.

OP posts:

DSM · 25/03/2009 23:43

Option 2 won't be that bad, surely? she is your mum.

Can you not look for somewhere cheaper than your current place that you could afford?

GypsyMoth · 25/03/2009 23:43

What kind of hostel is this? And how have they assessed you for banding on two places? You don't live in either one yet so how can they accurately assess you?

DSM · 25/03/2009 23:45

I don't understand..

You don't want to pay for a decent place of your own, so you can get one for free?

But you could afford a place of your own?

twinsetandpearls · 25/03/2009 23:46

DD and I were in a hostel for a period and it was horrifi and I would not want to go back for anything. I was told I would have to wait aroun 9-10 years for a council house! So being in a hostel did not seem to do me any favours.

I would go to your mums, at least you will be safe.

GypsyMoth · 25/03/2009 23:50

Some councils are better than others though. In order to get either council or ha accomadation quickly, then you need to apply as homeless. Assume you aren't being evicted? You will have a long wait. Everyone who goes on the list as homeless will go above you straightaway, in the present climate you would be better off renting a smaller place.

Rents for council places can be quite high anyway.

twinsetandpearls · 25/03/2009 23:51

I did apply as homeless! I was told two years for a HA house. I sold almost everything I had and managed to get the money to rent privately.

Original poster

newlysinglemummy · 25/03/2009 23:54

DSM - My mum is great with dd but she is very selfish and it does not feel like a cosy family home as she is the only person that lives there that is my real family.Its just a weird set up really. I live in london and for a 1bed flat in my local area it is around £950 per month, if I was working full time I would only earn around that, then I would need to get help paying my rent etc for housing benifit. So would not be able to afford to pay my own bills if I rented a flat.

Ilovetiffany - they are assesing me on the reasons why I need to leave my current property and that is how they decide what band I am on.

twinsetandpearls - so did you eventually get a council flat? Or did you find anotherway to get an affordable home?

OP posts:

twinsetandpearls · 25/03/2009 23:57

I slept on a couch for a year while I saved money for a deposit and private rent. Rented a house for a year and then bought the house I am now trying to sell with dp.

Original poster

newlysinglemummy · 25/03/2009 23:58

I have applied as homeless and have been accepted, but will still have to wait around 2years.

twinset - sorry last post crossed with yours, I can see you rented privatly. Do you live in an area with cheaper private rented properties than me?

OP posts:

Original poster

newlysinglemummy · 25/03/2009 23:59

See the problem is, with the rent prices around here, I think I would never be able to save any money to try to buy a place as all of my wages will be taken up by rent, and will still probably need help from housing benifit to pay my rent.

OP posts:

twinsetandpearls · 26/03/2009 00:00

I rented about five years ago in Lancashire and paid 520 a month for a house.

I am now renting in Dorset while we sell our house up north, we have a lovely house with views to die for less than you are paying for a 1 bed flat.

twinsetandpearls · 26/03/2009 00:01

I was not able to save to buy, dp bought our house using equity from his house.

Original poster

newlysinglemummy · 26/03/2009 00:03

See that is exactly my problem, the price of the rent around here. and dd and I cannot share a bedroom for much longer. A 2bed is around £1100 per month.

OP posts:

ScumdogSquillionaire · 26/03/2009 00:36

What about not paying your rent and getting evicted, would the local authority not have to house you in that case? Or would they just offer you the hostel anyway?

Are you living with just your dd or is your ex there too?

PurpleOne · 26/03/2009 01:40

NSM, you are in London right?
I am in London /Essex borders and have a 3 bed maisonette for less that what you suggest. y rent is 775 a month. We have so much room here, the only thing I don't like is we don't have a garden and only one point of entry/escape if there was a fire...

I would say go with your mum. But then again I lived with my parents just after I got divorced and I only lasted 5 weeks before my mum moved us out behind my back, in with a feller I hardly knew.
But better than hostel for sure.

PurpleOne · 26/03/2009 01:47

Oh and I've been on the council list for absolutely years.

We escaped DV in 2002 and I put my name on the list when we moved here. DDs were born here. We are still waiting for a flat. I have 3 bed now private rented....the council will only offer me a 2 bed if I get a place. With DD1 and her issues, she needs her own room, but council won't see it like that.

Yes the rent is far less than Im paying right now, but might be in an alternative area not of my choosing. Please don't hope for an instant council property. They are very hard to come by. They will more than likely house you in hostel or a b+b before a place came up. Probably in an unsavoury part of town. Hang in there, stay with your mum and get saving. Even just a fiver a week makes all the difference to rent your own place. Sometimes even the council helps out with a rent deposit scheme, furniture scheme, and things like that.

Wishing you luck

Original poster

newlysinglemummy · 26/03/2009 09:21

scumdog - no they would just give me a hostel. or nothing at all as they check if you have rent arrers.

Purpleone - oh gosh that sounds terrible, I know that will will take a long time to get a council place but I think it will be worth it in the end. I think it will be the best option to move in with my mum.

OP posts:

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