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Original poster

online dating - should i mention the dd?

21 replies

daisydaisy55 · 17/01/2009 21:34

having a (good long)look at online dating & before i take the plunge not sure what to put about children. some of the blokes (at least) seem to be upfront about their kids, but bit wary about attracting weirdos (am i being too paranoid already?). have one dd who is preschool age & lives with me. any advice?

OP posts:
scrooged · 17/01/2009 21:37

I'd leave it until you get to know them a little better.

N1 · 17/01/2009 21:52

By not saying that you have a child(ren) the bloke might like what he sees because there are no children....so after info flows, you get seen as "hiding info", and the obvious is asked....what else haven't you mentioned.

I have mentioned that I have a child, just not an age or details.

aseriouslyblondemoment · 17/01/2009 21:55

whats the site?
some of them have a children question on the setting up your profile bit
i was also terrified paranoid
but i went ahead and was truthful
i didnt come across any obvious paedos
but plenty of up for it with 30+ divorced mummy
as after all thats what those words read to some men
but i must add if you do meet a nice man and things progress how do you think he will feel about you failing to be upfront with that
IME its a red flag scenario
i nearly went out with a man who also wasnt upfront about his situation
the more i delved the more stuff came out
needless to say i never met him
and as far as i'm aware he's still online looking

northwest1 · 17/01/2009 22:52

I think it's better to be upfront. If your worried, look for a professional with CRB clearance!

retiredgoth2 · 17/01/2009 23:05

...in the past, when I 'dabbled' in the world of interweb dating sites I skimmed over profiles of childless women, however interesting, funny or attractive they seemed..

Why?

...because (on the sites I frequented, anyway) childless women of the right age group either didn't want children (not suitable as I have lots) or were deafened by the ticking of the biological clock (ditto!)

In addition, childless people just don't 'get' how having a child alters your life, however nice they may be.

...so yes. Mention that you have a child. Be frugal with details by all means. But being a parent is an important part of who you are, so I for one would want to know!

PurpleOne · 18/01/2009 04:11

I'd put it on my details and have never hidden the fact. Just as much as I'd like to know if I'm dating a man with kids. No issues. I'd just like to know.

Retiredgoth, oh yes. My exh married a 40+ woman with no kids, and she doesnt get it at all. She calls my DD2 a 'selfish cow'

so, yes I'd like to know.

Went out with a single dad 4 years ago. His DS was lovely and the same age as DD2. But he didn;t get on with DD1, neither did exp get on with DD1. In fact, nobody gets on with my DD1. (shes jealous I think)But Id still let them know and vice versa.

HOLLY23 · 18/01/2009 10:57

Daisy. I agree with letting them know you're a Mum, but leave it at that.
Let me know if there are any websites you'd recommend!

mocca · 18/01/2009 11:15

With most sites you tend to have to state whether you have kids - and with some it's further broken down into have them living with you, living with you sometimes and not living with you. So that solves the problem really. Wouldn't mention it elsewhere on your profile though. If you meet and like someone you can obviously talk about it then. I have a DD of 9 and have had a very good response from online dating and met my current BF that way.

plj · 18/01/2009 11:21

I met my DP on line and he mentioned he had a DD. It didn't put me off getting to know him even though at the time I didn't think I wanted children. I am so glad I did, as we are very happy now with our DT's and my DSD.

Original poster
daisydaisy55 · 18/01/2009 19:50

thanks everyone, thats really helpful. i'm v pleased that you've (almost) all agreed to be upfront as i'd feel uncomfortable if i wasnt. quite like the look of match.com (anyone used it? any others that are better?) good to hear it's worked for some of you

OP posts:
plj · 18/01/2009 20:01

My DP and I met through the dating section of Friends Reunited. I felt comfortable using that site as I already used Friends Reunited. It certainly did work for me!

lou33 · 18/01/2009 20:07

i mention on my profile i have kids, but dont elaborate

and they are v unlikely to meet them unless i have built up some kind of trusting relationship before hand

funnily enough i have someone coming round tonight whom i met online about 2 yrs ago, and he has met dd1 a couple of times , but tongiht is the first time he will have met my others

BigusBumus · 18/01/2009 20:12

Before i met my DP, I was on a dating website and it was great fun! I put on my profile that i had a toddler son, but as i did my dating on the weekends that he was with his dad, it was never really an issue as these chaps were never gonna meet him anyway! (Unless i met The One). I mainly met divorced dads, who also had an understanding of my restrictions as a single mother, so it was important to me to be upfront.

ninah · 18/01/2009 20:36

daisy I met a really nice man on match this summer, I would have no hesitation about giving it a whirl. I went on for one month, with a really sceptical attitude - he got in touch with me and we've not looked back

aseriouslyblondemoment · 18/01/2009 20:56

yes i used FRD(Friends Reunited)too
worked for me
and yes you will spot the rogue ones
and remember to use the block facility lol!

lou33 · 19/01/2009 13:16

i can count the amount of people i have had to block on the fingers of one hand, and have room to spare

i find a good putting in their place is usually enough

aseriouslyblondemoment · 19/01/2009 13:37

you must be stricter than me lol!
mine went onto about three hands worth
one particular idiot despite me telling him that he had no chance then had the audacity to add me to his favourites
telling me that i would change my mind lol!
he was well and truly told by being blocked!

lou33 · 19/01/2009 14:26

i have a good few lines that say fuck right off which makes them listen

aseriouslyblondemoment · 19/01/2009 16:35

LOL!!{smile]

QueenLiffey · 19/01/2009 18:20

I read somewhere that you should say you have a child at primary school (or secondary) adn leave it at that. Don't elaborate on whether it's a boy or girl or age.

lou33 · 19/01/2009 19:14

i just say i have kids, initially

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