Would you ever share a home with another single mum?

[MaMate]

Hi all, single mum in London here.

I've been thinking a lot about how hard it is to manage rent and childcare on one income here. I keep reading threads on this board from mums looking for another single parent to house share with, and it made me wonder how many of us would actually do it if it were easier to find the right person.

I'm toying with the idea of building something simple to help single mums in London find each other: to share a flat, split rent, or swap help like school pick-ups. It doesn't exist yet, and I genuinely want to know if it's something people would use before I spend any time on it.

So I'd love your honest views:

• Would you ever share a home with another single mum?
• What would put you off? (safety, kids not getting on, different routines...)
• Or would you prefer something lighter, like swapping childcare with a mum nearby?

Thanks, and be gentle!

Absolutely not. I keep hearing people looking for this but never hear of it actually going ahead, too much potential to go wrong imo, new partners, kids not getting on, different parenting styles sounds like absolute hell to me 🤣

Absolutely not.

If I’ve learned anything from Mumsnet it’s that even women who have been best friends forever, often fall out over their kids.

I wouldn’t even go on holiday with other peoples kids because if you don’t share the same parenting styles, it can be very stressful.

Absolutely not! Even my best friends start to grate on me when children and rules etc come into play. There is only a handful of families I would even choose to holiday with because of the same thing. It becomes really hard when sharing spaces with families that have different rules and values to you.

I’m not a single mum but I like the idea. I could imagine doing it if we perhaps had shared bathroom/kitchen and semi private living space - say the upstairs and the downstairs in a house. I’m not sure I’d want a fully integrated housemate situation.

And it’s really not fair on the kids to be suddenly thrust into a home with other kids, who are allowed different things and have different rules to live by.

It sounds all lovely and fuzzy wuzzy doesn’t it - women living with women supporting each other.
hah.
consider -—.

1. Exposure to strange men dating the other mum
2. Kids of opposite sexes, unrelated in the same house
3. Different parenting allowances and practices

I had a best friend of 20 years, it was like we were one mind. We spoke at the same time, in the same tone. We never got bored of each other, loved the same things, hated the same things.
She thought smacking children was okay, I didn’t.
I could never live with somebody and watch them slap their child and do (or say) nothing about it.

If you could create a service that would have an extensive “questionnaire” designed to match parenting styles, that might work.
Then, once you have parenting styles matched, you’d then need to match personalities of the women.
Then how would you work around either party finding a new partner? Are they allowed to visit? Are they allowed overnight stays? Who moves in or out?
It could become so complicated.

I only just tolerate living with my DC, let alone someone elses. 😂 Especially if parenting styles differed.

I would also worry about people using the service for predatory reasons.

Yes lots of potential issues. Big ones are feeling obliged to care for the other mum’s kids, and what if one starts dating?

Or one moves out and the other can’t cover rent (do you get a new mum in?).

I think the best set up is to live in a flat and get friendly with other parents and naturally develop that kind of reciprocal relationship. You live close enough but not in each others’ pockets.

I think it would need to be more of a compound environment... Compound might be the wrong word. But not two mums perhaps six all in a big house with support for shift workers for example just a village environment. Perhaps with guidelines dating acceptable but no men visiting etc.

I just like my space too much and I think realistically single parents will date again (I haven’t myself) but most do so it’s potentially having their new partner around your kids and also most people wind me up if I spend too much time with them

Absolutely not.