How do you keep up with it all?

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How does everyone keep up with it all?

Im more aiming this at parents who have their children full time. Im not trying to be perfect (I hate when people say that😂) im literally talking about the basics, like cleaning up when kids go to bed (listen im in bed as soon as my kids are as im exhausted!) getting things ready for the morning, nope exhausted, I was speaking to someone and she said now she has a new partner she forgot what it was like to put the kids to bed and come down to a nice clean house because her partner had tidied it all up and even made her a cup of tea (I know loads of single parents will say their ex never did anything like that but a good relationship thats just the norm) my house is a tip most of the time and evenings im just far too tired to clean it same for prepping things for the morning, im also finding myself ordering takes aways way more than I care to admit because I’m too tired to cook dinner, wash dishes clean the kitchen etc how do others keep up with it all? Yes my kids do help with some things but theres only so much they can do obviously the majority of the stuff falls on me. Im not trying to be perfect by any means im just trying to get by each day.

How old are your kids?
When little, I had a cleaner who came once a fortnight to do bathrooms and kitchen floor. I hoovered and wiped surfaces in between. When a bit older I put washing on as I come downstairs to do breakfast, hoover around them when they are playing, and do the bathrooms when I'm having a shower.

Yeah I do all that it’s more finding the energy i mean as im exhausted all the time I wouldn’t even let a cleaner in here I’d be too embarrassed 😂

I would also like to know. My DH will load the dishwasher once a day - that is all.

I am so exhausted that my standards have dropped im all honesty. I will prioritise laundry as opposed to cleaning floors for instance - they can wait until the weekend. I do a more deep clean at the weekend but that is my preference. We have to work with what we have I think and no, we cannot do it all. Some women are lucky to have DH’s who share the chores but so of is are not but that’s fine, nobody is the same and let’s not stress about it. The house does not need to look like a show home in the week.

This is more aimed at lone parents sorry to exclude

Excuse my typo’s 🙈

Do you have anyone who can come (maybe for a few days) and help you do a 'spring clean'? So then you're just trying to keep on top of things rather than properly cleaning/organising.
Check out The Organised Mum Method. Basically, you have a few must-do tasks each day (laundry, vacuuming, making beds) and one room to focus on for 30 minutes each day. I don't follow it religiously but it has certainly helped, and I now have a list of tasks to try to get done daily.
I have good days and bad days, which often coincide with how much sleep I've had the night before. Yesterday I actually managed to do a lot of tidying and it was so nice to wake up this morning to a clean house. I try to hold on to that feeling to motivate me in the evening, but like you sometimes I just want to crawl into bed once the kids are settled. Last night I got very little sleep so I doubt I'll be motivated to do anything this evening!

paper plates are underrated!! I just popped on to say I think anyone doing it alone is incredible and deserves a medal!! I’m not alone and it’s tough so you are just amazing and don’t forget it!

No theres no one that can help unfortunately.

paper plates are a good idea, after being in the kitchen last thing I want to do is then clean everything away and wash up, nice when there is someone there to help

I have the occasional one or two days of almost being on top of everything but it’s so hard to sustain without spending every waking moment doing something it seems! I don’t know the answer really. We muddle through.

The only way I manage is through having a flexible job. I work 40 hours, 3 days from home & 2 in the office.

When im wfh, i have the slow cooker on during the day, so can batch cook meals. I start early so i can finish early, then get all my cleaning/gardening done late afternoons.

Now my daughter is a bit older, she washes up every other day & does the recycling which helps. I try to get all chores done in the week so I can enjoy the weekends with her.

It does get easier when dc are older. DS is 13 and can empty the bins/put the bins out on bin day & can do the dishwasher if I nag a bit! He also mostly feeds the cat but he will do more if I ask him - he’s a whizz with the hoover for example

it is very different being an entirely lone parent paying every bill, buying every bit of food, fixing everything that goes wrong, never being able to nip out in the evenings if you’ve forgotten something. You have to be super organised but at the same time you will (I found) always look as though you’re not, because even the best of us only have one pair of hands.

It is a lot easier in many ways though because you only have to think about yourself & the DC’s and not have to work around another adult with all the potential hassle that can bring with it…

I have three. 11, 9, 7 and two are neurodivergent and hard hard work. I also have two jobs so o try and say to myself if there’s something that needs tidying and I really can’t face it, it will be able to be tidied tomorrow.
older child will help if I ask but I’m conscious not to treat them as my helper so keep that to a minimum.

one day I will miss the chaos and mess
(that’s what tell myself)

I don’t think this is the answer you want but I don’t. Something always has to give. This week my kids have eaten fish fongers or chicken nuggets all week because I just didn’t have the energy to cook. Other weeks I cook proper meals but the house doesn’t get cleaned.

I don’t have a lot of stuff personally and even though the kids have a lot I try to keep it down as much as possible. They don’t have an awful lot of clothes but they have what they need so there is space in their wardrobes for games etc. I save time where I can but I do feel like there’s no time for much. And btw, I get EOW and still feel like this.

I do hear people saying this but to be fair my ex was definitely the more tidy one! He would be cleaning and sorting things whilst I sorted the kids so that’s gone now and it’s me doing all of it 🤣 can see how it would be easier if you have a useless ex that did nothing though

I’ve been a love parent with no involvement from XH except hassle! Never saw DC or paid in any way.
I was (still am at times) the same as you. My house was always a tip and I never got to the end of the to do list. In bed exhausted all the time. Then I got a cleaner once a fortnight. She’s fab. She didn’t judge, if the place was messy she’d just put it in a big pile or in a washing basket and clean around it. As the kids got older they had chores to do and although I’ve had to nag them (even now in their early 20s lol) to do them. But it helps. I also bought extra school uniform so I didn’t have to worry about putting washing on during the week. Slow cooker helps. Just bing mince, onions, tin of tomatoes, garlic and herbs into it and bolognaise sauce is ready when you get home. Same for chilli, stews etc. I used to blitz the tomatoes up with extra veg which no one noticed too. Make double and freeze in portions for quick meals - especially if they are fussy and like different things. Buy the frozen chopped onions if you need to. So basically I lurched from weekend to weekend, holiday to holiday with a cleaner cleaning every fortnight. Have come through the other side and as I say my house is still messy as DD is a mess creator but now as an adult she will(sometimes) take a telling and do it, sometimes I come home to dinner and a tidy house when the guilt kicks in and they get on with it if they have a day off! Don’t beat yourself up, if you have managed to keep your DC clean, fed and clothed with a roof over their head then that’s enough. Any extras are a bonus!

You can’t keep up with it and you need to accept that.

i only manage to keep mine ticking over by working 4 days a week and using day off while kids are in school to do house .

sorry op there is no answer .

I think for the first couple of years being a lone parent, I tried to cover everything and make it all seem wonderful. I was absolutely shattered, but would have the place gleaming and organised, despite being close to tears from exhaustion. Do not recommend. Burnout will surely follow, as it did for me.

I would say to you get everyone fed, keep everyone mentally well and sleeping well. Then, and only then, if you’ve got any actual energy left, do things like mop. Regain your equilibrium, take care of your mental and physical health as priority, and then deal with the house. I would say I equate tidy house to tidy mind, so I’m not advocating for ditching the housework forever, but if it’s something that’s causing you stress and exhaustion it’s not the priority. Now my kids are older, we all take care of the house together and they are way more with it in terms of self sufficiency and life skills than most other teens I know. We all crack on and sort the house before bed and/or on weekends if there’s bigger jobs to do. We’ll do a 15 min blitz all of us and the house is done, or even a whole hour on a weekend morning we put on some music and do a deep clean, then everyone gets their pocket money and disappears off out.

As I said in my post I’m talking about the basics definitely not trying to be perfect. I don’t know any single mums trying to be perfect lol most of us are just trying to survive day but day but it’s things like the house being a mess does no one have random visitors that just show up then? Or doing dinner and feeling too exhausted as you know that means loads of washing up after and cleaning the kitchen, so some days I end up ordering take away way too often just to avoid that

I live quite centrally in my area and have people turn up for a cuppa all the time. I just vaguely address the slight chaos and mess and carry on making them tea. I consoled myself with the fact that I’m a person people want to see and drop in on regularly! You will get on top of it once the kids get bigger. One thing I’m a fan of is alternative to takeaways, I don’t mean fake-aways, which are more faff. I mean what can I have in that if I’m losing it and can’t bear a load of mess but it’s slightly healthier and way cheaper, what can I have? Answer to that for me is triple decker fish finger sandwiches. Microwave rice and boiled eggs with sweet chilli or soy drizzled. Hot dogs from M&S. Always with a pile of cucumber and tomatoes for a bit of health, or just a tonne of fruit for balance. If I’m tempted to get a takeaway, we have those instead. On a Friday night I give the kids a tenner each to go wild in the aisles of the local supermarket and they get their own non-cook dinner which is usually a load of yellow sticker brilliance. Has to be a half good supermarket with deli, though. One will get something like a rotisserie chicken, some cut fruit, yum yums and a drink. Another will get sushi etc

Again it’s not so much the cooking it’s the clearing up and washing up, its relentless. I wash and dry clothes constantly so it doesn’t pile up. There are sort of stations for everything so near my dryer is a rail and plastic hangers. All the uniform is washed and hung every single evening. I wash their blazers and bags every half term. All the kids can Hoover and use a cleaning cloth. I definitely see now that people who do everything for their kids are experiencing almost like a luxury in life, I just can’t afford to, mentally and physically I can’t. I think it’s helpful for the future though, my kids are fair and conscientious now at mid teens.

It is hard. My dc are older now (still hard work but in a different way) and I used to do the important bits to get through the week eg uniforms washed and ready and hung up the night before and packed lunches done and bags by the door at 10.30pm. When my dc had school dinners it was easier at teatime as I would just give them a sandwich, yogurt, fruit, biscuit kind of tea and they were happy with that. Or I would cook pasta and keep it in the fridge for the next day so no full on cooking in the week.

If the laundry and food basics were done that was enough. Maybe a quick whiz around with the hoover when needed. I don’t remember washing floors etc but if I did it would have been very occasional.

I used to live in a big house and looking back it was easy to keep tidy and organised. After divorce I am in a teeny tiny house and it is cluttered and messy due to the lack of space as much as anything. Still concentrate on the food and the clothes though.

I don’t order takeaways but I do keep meals very simple.