How do lone parents in their 40s make new friends?

[Ragdollmama]

Hi, just wondering how you would go about making friends in your early 40’s? My eldest has just gone off to university, I’ve got another one at home who is 11. I am new to this, as I now have every other weekend to myself.

At first, it was great because I could spend it cleaning and catching up at home. As time as gone on though, I’ve actually become really lonely! My friends never want to do anything, as they either want time with their own families, or want to bring their partners along and so I end up sat like a third wheel, usually during an activity I have suggested and organised.

I don’t have really close friends, as I’ve grown I’ve realised many of them see me if they want something, or they want to build up numbers at a barbecue, party etc. There’s been a lot of soul searching taken place over the past couple of years (single 3 years), and I no longer have much in common with people I’d have once cut my right hand off for. I realise I seem to be the filler friend.

Today for example, everyone was busy with their own plans to which I totally respect, so I have been to the library, went for a coffee, came home and haven’t spoken a word since. Last night I took myself off to the cinema, but found I was the only person there alone. It doesn’t bother me doing activities alone, but I must admit that I’m becoming horrifically lonely.

If I’m very honest, I fear that my life will be empty once my youngest goes off to university in a few years. There doesn’t seem to be hope of me meeting anyone, I’ve dated a bit but so many people seem different to myself and I haven’t really clicked with anyone. There was one person but then I realised I was subconsciously comfortable, due to the similarities with my ex partner. This gave me a shake and I called it quits.

Where do you go to meet new people at this age and make new friends? I only have every other weekend to myself, so can’t do anything in the week. I would love to hear your suggestions or success stories! Would really love for someone to lighten my mood and share a positive story with me, I’m sat at home feeling really lonely and tearful tonight.

Hope to hear from someone soon x

Maybe start a new hobby. Can you do something every other weekend?

There’s nothing that caters for every other weekend really, but I did do a one off pottery class a few weeks ago which I enjoyed. The people were lovely but I didn’t really have the opportunity to get to know anyone.

The thing is it hits me a lot when I’m home alone now, so I find myself cleaning or organising to keep myself distracted. Tonight I’ve rearranged our wardrobes, done a skip run, cleaned my kitchen cupboards and put the tables and chairs away ready for next year.

It bites when it’s quiet I think.

Hey OP, sorry you're feeling rubbish. I'm thinking about the friends I've made in the last few years. Probably came from having kids and meeting other mums, neighbours etc. But a shared activity seems to be the thing. I've made friends through activism activities and also got an allotment and people are so friendly. It does take a while to build up true relationships thats the only thing but a regular weekly activity would hasten things. Are you in a friendly neighbourhood? City, town, village?

Also Parkrun! My local one was SO friendly and there are people who walk at the back, often with their dogs, who chat and seemed to mostly go for the social aspect. They're on Saturday mornings too so would work for every other weekend x

@cambiodenombre123 Hi, love the sound of an allotment! Would love that if I had the time.

You’ve given me something to think about for the future, thank you. I don’t see my neighbours much. They’re either elderly or just busy with work and family I suppose. We don’t really live in an area where people make friends. I do speak to my neighbours next door who are both in their 70’s, and pass the time of day with the lady across the road who is 80. She does actually invite me in for a brew sometimes. I guess she gets just as lonely!

Maybe go out for a coffee and try new spots. Dating app?

Just thinking too about my friends who run a walking group which is a lot about meeting new people but pressure is off as you're doing an activity and have time to chat if you want. Cheap and that wld work for weekends too. They're in London but there are loads of similar groups all over as far as I can gather.

i’m sorry, this sounds really lonely, especially when you finally have some free time and realise there’s nobody to share it with. i don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting more connection. since your free time is limited, maybe start small and look for people who are also free that weekend, even just for coffee or a walk. spontap could be worth trying for that, since it’s built around finding people nearby who are available to meet.

I have found Bumble BFF a very good app for meeting women in their 40s and a few have become friends IRL over the past.

I joined last year after a significant series of life events left me with no real friends. It’s not perfect but definitely worth a shot.

I pay for 6 months of premium membership for £12.99 which is pretty good value for money.

Sending you all the luck in the world with making some new friends.