Struggling with being the one left with everything

[StarsDust]

My ex ended things with me and hasn’t seen the kids since. I’m really struggling to see the positives tonight.

He gets to carry on with his life as if the kids dont exist. I imagine he’ll probably be out drinking tonight because it’s the bank holiday, while I’m sat here alone on the sofa, like I am every night.

I know people will say “at least you have your kids” or tell me to be grateful. I love my children but that doesn’t mean it’s easy being the one who is always here, every single day, with no break and no one else to share the responsibility with.

Sometimes I look ahead and think, is this really going to be my life for the next 10, 15, 18 years? Just sitting in every night, with only my own thoughts for company, while he gets to live whatever life he wants?

I think that’s what I’m struggling with most tonight. It’s the sheer unfairness of it all. He gets freedom and I get the responsibility, and there’s a lot of time to sit and think about that when you’re on your own every night.

I’m just really struggling tonight

How old are DC?

Do you have friends you can invite round every now and then for a takeaway or wine?

It’s awful and I totally feel for you. I think men who do this should be heavily penalised and fined. Maybe prison. Who do they think they are producing life and then forcing the responsibility for that life onto the shoulders of one other human being who didn’t sign up for that. Sending you thoughts. It’s an absolute disgrace that in 2026 this is still allowed to happen.

It’s shit , always the women left with the kids.
Sorry you’re in this situation.
I’ve been there , it’s trite to say but it does get better.

Some people shouldn't have kids and he is one of them. Try to flip this around a bit. You have stepped up. You are giving it all and looking after and loving these children and that is amazing. Yeah he might go out drinking and that is superficial stuff. When he's older I guarantee he will be a lonely old man sat in a pub. You will have amazing relationships with your children, he won't.
Saying all of this, it's still bloody hard work and lonely. You deserve a break too. If you can get some friends to come around for a dinner or drink after kids are in bed or book a little treat for yourself once a month if you can.
You're doing an amazing thankless job, keep going and make sure he's paying child support

I left my ex 7 years ago. He has an enrire new life now which he keeps totally separate from our kids and only sees them one every 6 weeks with no communication in between.

my kids are 11 and 13 now, have a wonderful stepdad that they chose to call dad.

ive never bad mouthed my ex to the kids but they are old enough now to realise what an arse he is and I’m their main person. They are also more independent and life has become easier. The early years was tough on my own but it does get easier and more rewarding x

But your kids are going to remember it was you and always you who showed up and that their dad is a deadbeat. It'll be you when their older who they choose to come and visit or want to do days out with or ring when they need advice or a good chat.
He misses out on the best things because he's a selfish wanker.

That said its not over for you, when there a bit older and the dust has settled get back out there.

Thanks for the nice comments but im convinced he will have other kids and they will be the ones he bothers with so he won’t end up old and lonely, they always (usually) do go on to have more kids.

I prefer not to have friends come round, they will only come round in the evening before a night out so that made me feel even worse, they’d come round all glammed up off for nights out themselves whilst I was going to clean, stick on my PJs and go to bed, so I kind of prefer it when they don’t come round (maybe that sounds bad though)