Can I name a guardian for my daughter without a will?

[Baker0104]

Bit of a long one so strap in 😂

My daughter's father is on her birth certificate as we were happy together up to last year. He was arrested last year and is still on bail now, bail restrictions include no access to our daughter which I'm very happy to keep going considering the arrest reasons.
My daughter had to go under a section 20 for 11 weeks last year because of all of this and her paternal grandmother became her kinship carer. It was ok but a lot of hard work as she pushed back against all the rules social services were telling her to follow - ultimately she does love my daughter a lot and she is her priority.
She asked me the other day to write a letter or something to say who I'd like to become my daughter's guardian if anything were to happen to me as she wouldn't want to see her going to a foster carer.
I'm torn with who I'd even want to have her to be honest....my gut is telling me paternal grandmother as we live in the same town, she adores her, she can afford it etc but we don't always agree on how to bring up children (spose I'd be dead so 🤷)
My mum isn't really an option as she lives further away and her physical and mental health isn't great so she'd struggle. I would definitely want my daughter to still have a relationship with my mum though as she does now.

Obviously I don't know what will happen in the future with her dad but if I died tomorrow he wouldn't be able to have her so would a letter explaining who I want her to go to suffice? Also could I say in this letter that I want her to have minimal contact with her dad once he's charged/sentenced until she's old enough to know the truth and if she wants to see him then it's up to her?

I don't have a will as to be honest I don't own anything so never thought to do one.

I think you need a Will. It much more binding and it doesn’t need to be expensive. You can do one online or with a pack from WH Smiths. Sorry to hear about your situation, sounds rough!

A will isn’t just about who you leave your possessions and wealth to.

The situation you describe with the custody of your daughter is exactly what should be in a will. Please make one. I would also urge you to consider what you would like to happen (especially as she’s older) if your first choice of carer is no longer capable of caring for DD.

When I made my will I was also told that the child’s guardian doesn’t necessarily become the person who has day to day custody.

A will becomes a public document, it might be prudent to leave a letter with your will detailing your wishes - as a letter won’t be published. Also make sure that your near and dear ones know where you will is - be that at home or with a solicitor. As a parent making a will is crucial.

Thank you. A will was one of those things that I keep meaning to do but never get round to it....I also don't have the money spare to do it now and then have to redo it when he's finally charged and sentenced. So I thought a letter detailing my wishes would work for now and then when I know what's happening with regards to his legal case I can make a will with more permanent plans? Is this not the case?

I don’t think a letter has any legal significance.

If he's only on bail I'd wait and see what happens because as long as he has parental responsibility, it doesn't really matter what wishes you write in a letter or a will.

Your wishes won't override his PR.

And courts rarely remove it although I suspect it would depend on the nature of the crime.

you need to make a will

A will won't make any difference as it's just a record of OP's wishes.

If the other parent is still alive and has PR, the wishes in the will get ignored.

He has been considered a safeguarding risk which is why he's not been allowed to have contact in any form for the past 19 months. His bail extensions have gone to court so a magistrate has agreed with them as well.
When I had social services involved they said their recommendation would be for him to.only ever have indirect contact with her so I don't think they'd be happy with him having her if I died.

But yes I do agree that I need to have something professionally drawn up when we know the extent of his crime and how he will be punished for it, and then what family court decides contact will look like for him

This is too important given the circumstances. If you don't have the money, sell some stuff. You'll have a few weeks to save £300 to make a will via a solicitor bearing in mind you don't pay upfront, they send an invoice once the work is complete.

I think the average price of a will is about £150?

But unless his PR is taken away, it's not going to do the OP any good to simply state who she would like to be her DC's guardian.

Based on what I paid some years ago plus accounting for more bespoke wording re the child, I estimated £300 would definitely cover it.

Fair enough.

I did mine a couple of months ago, although it was a very simple mirror will and it was £150 so worth OP shopping around.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/free-cheap-wills/

This is a useful website for advice on free or cheap wills. Not sure if yours might need a bit more bespoke stuff considering the situation with her dad but hopefully this might be helpful and potentially save you money.

It sounds like a really difficult situation. Good luck

Thank you all for your advice - really appreciated.

I have £12 left at the end of the month once bills are paid, I'm not working currently due to this whole situation which has really affected me mentally so just about surviving on UC. I don't have anything to sell...anything worth anything has already been sold to cover things like food and electric bill and the moving costs when we had to move out of our family home.
I'll speak to my family and see if any of them can help me but it just feels like a big mess at the mo. My life feels like it's on hold until he's sentenced - I can't access the therapy I need till then either so it just feels a bit crap at the mo. I've made it this far though so just got to keep going