Should I send school uniform receipts to my ex for shared costs?

[DreamyKoala]

School uniforms - sharing costs - to send receipts or not?

My DD dad and I split up a number of years ago. For ‘most’ of primary he has halved uniform costs, I’ve just kept a log of spend in my notes app as I’ve picked things up and sent a screenshot. I normally buy it in August.

Last year he demanded receipts, I ignored the demand and didn’t receive any money. However around November time at pickup he randomly gave me £50 in cash and said that’s towards the uniform, i’ll give you more when I have it in a couple of weeks - I never received it.

Back in April he said as she’s going to need uniform he will contribute but can we do it monthly; I said happy for him to transfer monthly and I’ll get it all but this didn’t happen

When I picked up 2 weeks ago he asked when I’d be going for uniform and it would be helpful for him if I waited until end of August, told him it would be during my one week off (which happens to be this week). I took my DD and bought all of her new uniform - she’s off to high school so it was more than primary school by about £100 - that’s what it is, she needs the uniform.

As previously have sent a breakdown and the immediate response is fine send me receipts. I asked if he thought I was lying and screenshot the bank transactions as they were on my phone notifications - he replied - I don’t think you are lying but if I’m paying i want to see receipts and will get my GF to transfer later (she sends any money relating to DD - e.g maintenance - from her bank account, she was set up on the school payment accounts etc)

He’s previously said he’ll pay for school trips -
her residential was £360 and info went onto the school app so he knew about it, when payments were due etc and consented to her going on the trip - he paid nothing towards this.

Anyway, would you send receipts? I feel this is more a control thing to withhold money or to get me to ask him for it again - rather than genuinely wanting the receipts as he’s never asked for this previously until last year

My friend suggested sending him the top half of the receipts 🤣 another said F-him the CF

I would probably send the receipts if it helped get the money, or next year tell him the shoes/blazer are his responsibility and if dd doesn’t have then it’s his problem. unfortunately you don’t have a legal leg to stand on if he pays maintenance though as legally that’s all he has to cover, and although it doesn’t cover it all, it is supposed to cover everything.

Photographs of each receipt - that’s what I do. I buy it all and then ask for half. To be fair I think the other parent really does have blinkers on and absolutely no idea of the actual costs!! In black and white there’s no need for questions. I had similar issues with a ski trip costing £1600.. very keen for his son to go - such a wonderful experience blah blah.. when it came to paying, radio silence. I paid it all and I’ve said nothing since. No head space for it. Sometimes we just have to rise above it otherwise it will eat you up. Not at all fair but it very rarely is 🤯

Suggest he buys it all next year and you will refund him half.

In the end I decided why should I pay for all when he has said he would half me. As his half would have had to come out of money for nice things for my DD anyway if I covered the lot.

I sent the receipts, lined them up and took one photo, he thanked me and asked if his GF had sent the money, told him I hadn’t received anything and he replied to say he would sort it. Was in my bank within the hour (from her). So he either didn’t want the receipts and she hadn’t got round to sending it or he was waiting for me to send them before he told her to send it.

@DreamyKoala Does he pay maintenance? If so surely it should come out of that? Why is his gf paying anything?!!

Yes he pays maintenance and we have always gone halves on the uniform costs.

And why does the GF pay it - because he says he can’t use internet banking - but in the real world it’s because he’s a CF - The maintenance comes from her bank too - god knows how he’s managed to get her to do that. He used to give me cash but I asked him to put in my bank as it wasn’t really helpful having the cash so he said well I’ll give cash to GF and she will pay you into your bank and that’s what they do (I hope he gives her the money but I can imagine he will be saying “well I’ll just buy XYZ instead)

She is lovely and I think she does more parenting than he does when my DD is there. I’ve actually joked to him that perhaps we should update the brith certificate and take him off and add her on instead.

@DreamyKoala Well I blame his gf for being such a fool to pay for a child that isn't hers! Why would anyone agree to that?!
How much maintenance do you get a month? Surely it should cover uniform costs (unless for some reason they are extortionate?)

Receipts for particular expenses you have agreed to split is reasonable. He isn’t asking for an accounting of how you spend maintenance. It’s more akin to collecting your receipts for reimbursement of work expenses. A minor inconvenience, but documentation in accounting is important.

My husband pays all of his salary into the joint account and I make all the payments from it. It will come up on his ex's statement as my name.

Yes but the point is in 6 years of halving the uniform costs he’s asked for receipts last year and this year.

We have always halved the uniform costs on top of the maintenance so the amount he pays is irrelevant. If she needs new shoes or a replacement of something midway through the year one of us will then sort that out, mostly me, but I don’t ask for half but sometimes he will pick things up (without being asked)

Yes more fool her, I certainly wouldn’t do it but then when we were together I paid for more of the house related things, everything was in my name etc and looking back he was basically living the freeloader life so maybe not much has changed

@DreamyKoala
I thought that was what maintenance was for? Can't it be used for clothes and shoes etc?
The positive thing is you are both working which is of course to be commended.

Well uniform has always been a shared cost with us, with him offering to contribute towards it rather than me asking for help.