Struggling with patience and burnout as a lone parent this summer

[Freddie15VES]

Struggling as a single parent

the holidays is really pushing me to my limits. I have childcare when I’m at work but nothing else. My 5 year old is high energy and needs to be doing something everyday, then my 2.5 year old is just so testing and mentally exhausting. Every bedtime with her is screaming and crying, it takes me about an hour regardless of whether she’s napped or not

I have little to no patience, I seem to just snap and feel like such an awful parent. I never wanted to do this alone and I’m not the parent I hoped I’d be or the parent I once was. I worry I’m doing damage by snapping and yelling but I just can’t help it I really try but I’m just pushed to breaking point every single day

their dad has them once a week and every other weekend so I do get time. But it’s usually spent working cos I can’t afford not to! I just feel like I’m failing them and myself. I’m so disappointed how I am with them I don’t recognise this in me. Im
currently sat crying my eyes out at the side of my daughters bed after yet another difficult bedtime

I very much identify with this. I often wish I had never had my children because if I'd have known their father would be so detached and eventually leave me I would never have done it. I'm now stuck struggling and watching my friends pass me by in terms of housing/lifestyle/career etc, a lot of the time I feel resentful and sad. And guilty because my children are lovely and they deserve better. In practical terms, I try and keep busy with family and friends, I have had some counselling which did help although I've now run out of money for it. My main fear is how much more expensive things will get as they get older, they are 6 and 8 now but when they are teens and want branded clothes, phones etc I don't know how I will manage (I know these things aren't essential but they are important to teenagers and I feel sad my kids will miss out on a lot basically due to me choosing the wrong father for them).

I don't know how helpful this is really but I think there are lots of us out there feeling like this.

@ThisPoisedGoldGuide i could have written exactly what you’ve just wrote yourself. I work so hard to give them a good life, but in turn I burn myself out. Which leads me to this snappy, exhausted parent. Which one is better?!

I hope you’re not too hard on yourself as I am. It’s tough out here. Does your children’s dad see them much?

One thing I think about a lot is that I hope my daughter chooses not to have children herself so that she isn't at risk of being left to bring them up herself (like you, my ex does 2 nights per week but mental load etc is 100% mine), in real terms my children have one parent, me and the relationship he has with them is more like an uncle who babysits them (at his mothers house and she does all of the actual labour involved).

I do recognise that a lot of single mothers have it much worse than me by the way! My ex is useless and selfish rather than vindictive or abusive or anything like that. I met him at a young age, had terribly low self esteem and thought it was the best I could do.