Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Potential dates / boyfriends - what would deffo put you off?

31 replies

electra · 14/05/2008 20:38

Apparently I always choose the wrong people, but when I like someone I find it hard to let go and move on. My friend has a list of criteria any potential boyfriends have to meet but I find that a bit odd...

OP posts:
OverMyDeadBody · 14/05/2008 20:40

I always seem to pick the wrong men too, so not ure I'd be much help.

Just had a date cancel on me last minute tonight, I've already got a babysitter and everything

I though he was a decent guy, but it seem I was wrong.

Original poster
electra · 14/05/2008 20:40

The following things trouble me, however:

bad teeth
poor hygiene
untrimmed fingernails
v conservative political views

OP posts:
OverMyDeadBody · 14/05/2008 20:40

I do hae a list of criteria, but even when they fall into that list they can still turn out to be 'wrong' for me lol

OverMyDeadBody · 14/05/2008 20:41

those things would trouble me too

Original poster
electra · 14/05/2008 20:41

Oh OMDB - poor you I guess it's better you don't see him at all if he lets you down so quickly.

OP posts:
OverMyDeadBody · 14/05/2008 20:54

yep you're right. Sod him

Original poster
electra · 14/05/2008 20:57

He sounds very rude

OP posts:
OverMyDeadBody · 14/05/2008 23:33

Yes electra, I've been thinking abou tit and I think you are right, he is just rude really. I think prety arrogant too and up his own arse. Sod him. I'm sure I can do better.

OverMyDeadBody · 14/05/2008 23:33

well I haven't actually been thinking abou ttits, I'm sure you know what I meant!

Tippychick · 15/05/2008 09:25

Icky teeth/feet and dodgy personal hygiene

Money issues, I don't mean I want their money but I've had V bad experiences with X and Father money-wise and it scares me.

Not being successful in their own field. i don't care if they earn peanuts but I am a bit turned off by a lack of ambition.If they hate their job,have something else they do well as a hobby but need the day job to pay bills that's grand too but I can't be doing with just drifting. Bit hypocritical that one but hey, it's a wish list thing!

Hair where there should 't be hair. Think ears, nose etc. Yuk

Does that make me shallow? Guess there's a reason why I'm single......

zippitippitoes · 15/05/2008 09:30

well i am quite/dead shallow so they have to be attractive tho not necessarily beautiful

any kind of slob attributes like lack of fitness, beer gut

any kind of suspect views

any adverse smells

excess seriousness

lack of interest in stuff

zippitippitoes · 15/05/2008 09:31

and no interest in doing anything that doesnt involve alcohol

Tinkerbel6 · 15/05/2008 10:59

I think if you are a lone parent then you need a man who is child friendly and will understand that you cant always go out or find a babysitter at the last minute, and that time is taken up with family matters like birthday parties, after school clubs and child not being very well.

Im with Tippy as im also put off by lack of ambition, I think men are unstable when they drift in and out of work and just do a bit here and there and down the pub every night.

littlewoman · 15/05/2008 21:05

People who are rude to waitresses or shopkeepers.

Men who won't take you out, but expect you to got to their house.

Mostly, listen to their stories. Everybody reveals themselves in the first few dates.

does he tells you stories where he has done or said something fantastically clever to put somebody down, and laughs as he tells you the story? Bad sign.

Does he say things like, 'you have to watch out for me, I'm a bad boy'. Bad sign.

Does he tell you he's the black sheep of the family? There's a reason for that.

MsPontipine · 15/05/2008 22:13

Bad smells!

I love a man to smell good.
Very partial to beer breath.
Can't stand smelly hair.

Original poster
electra · 15/05/2008 23:54

lol littlewoman - the thing about putting someone down - oh yes

OP posts:
ANTagony · 16/05/2008 07:12

Biggest turn off thinking the children are some how optional.

I had a bit of a fling recently, to soon for me really after split and divorce, and we had one of those 'what if' conversations. It got a bit carried away and we were on finance. He said if I stopped work to have other children (he really wants some of his own desperately) this would make our money tight, so my ex would have to pay for the children. Morally I can see his point, the ex should pay anyway but it was a complete turn off. Me and the 2 x DS are a package. Things quickly hit a downward spiral after that conversation.

littlewoman · 16/05/2008 10:41

Oh, yes, I hate it when they try to divide you from the kids in some way or another - even if it's only small criticisms of the DC's behaviour.
I've had one xbf tell me 'I'm not into playing daddy'. He lasted one date. And another who hated the DC's calling me when I was out with him. He lasted only a little longer. DON'T mess with my relationship with my children!!

lostdad · 16/05/2008 11:20

Biggest turn offs for me:

Being effectively told I have to choose between my son and a girlfriend.

Being expected to be the proverbial `knight in shining armour' and to solve all of someone else's problems - tried that last time round and here I am!

Expecting me to do all the running. If they're interested in me, I expect some reciprocation!

I get the feeling I am going to be single for a loooonggggg time!

lostdad · 16/05/2008 11:21

Additional: I'd happily take someone on who had kids already, but I wouldn't mind my own too!

zippitippitoes · 16/05/2008 11:23

oh lostdad

i think the expression take on in that context is a bit of a nono
i am lucky i have grown up kids

i am unlucky i am old

i am lucky i have a bf at the mo who dosent seem to have any obfious downsides except his age

muggglewump · 16/05/2008 11:27

If they have or want children.
Selfish I know but I won't take on anyone elses children and I won't have anymore.

This might change as I get older because grown up, independent children may be OK, just not young ones

lostdad · 16/05/2008 11:33

Sorry - I meant `take on someone's' kids - I've been on dates with a couple of single mothers...in the past it would have bothered me, but doesn't nowadays.

mocca · 16/05/2008 11:51

These are the things that wouldn't put me off!

  • good communicator and able to show warmth
  • prefer him to be divorced with kids and have good relationship with them (same as me)
  • values things apart from the material and can think for himself
  • preferably rugged and masculine, hairier than me and over 5'10" (don't do short men)
  • able to show he's crazy about me!!
littlewoman · 16/05/2008 12:05

Those are nice qualities, Mocca. Good communication is the be all and end all to me, and honesty. If you can get those, you've got a winner, because even if it all goes pear-shaped, at least he will let you down kindly and with your dignity in tact, I think.