Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Iv been such a mug!

26 replies

Prettyfull · 29/02/2008 09:17

so iv been seeing this guy for 6 mths. Iv got one dd, hes got three ds. We'v been getting on great with the odd problem here and there, not with the relationship but little things that have effected us, like his ex not letting him see his sons.

We'r getting on fine & he calls me tues lunchtime, and i was settling dd to sleep. I was talking quiet on the phone almost whispering as dd had just gone to sleep. I also said "how come your calling, you never call in the day, whats up?" not in a mean way, i was just surprised as he cant call from work normally.

So he gets the hump (must think im up to sumthing????) and he thinks im being a b and not wanting to talk, but really it was a nice surprise but he took me all wrong!

Then later that night i get a text saying "probably best we call it a day then" how random, and totally unexplained, so i call him and he ignores me all night. i didnt bother calling the next day! so thurs comes along and i thought i'l see how he is, so i text him, we texting during the day and he asks to come over mine that night. as hes alomst here, he calls and says he still wants to come over but doesnt wana have some long old chat about what happened! so stupid idiot me, says yeah its ok come over!

We didnt speak about at all, and now i realise what a mug iv been, he must think hes got away with it. hes left this morning for work and i feel like a complete doormat!!

whats my next move lol

OP posts:
Flllightattendant · 29/02/2008 09:23

Prettyfull. Dump him.

Seriously pet, I am so sorry but this was EXACTLY how my ex behaved, and it got much much worse. He is paranoid and possessive - to assume you are 'up to something' because you were surprised he called, is beyond weird.

Mine caleld me one night after I'd told him my mobile was broken, demanding I came over at that minute (despite my being in bed with a very tired 3 year old, it was 10pm) to prove I wasn't dumping him, as it was apparently a 'clever way to dump someone' by pretending my mobile was broken (it was and I'd even bought another so we could text, but t was taking ages to charge).

He has no trust in you and is being a dickhead - sorry to be so blunt but when mine did it I was shaken, yet took him back as I couldn't believe he had just acted so weirdly! The following 5 months he behaved stranger and stranger and becamse very controlling - I was treading on eggshells the whole time till i left him in the end as my life was revolving around not upsetting his sense of security.

Does this sound familiar? If so please leave him NOW/ he is not behaving like a rational human being and the 'let's not discuss it' is pathetic. He is what, 14 years old?!

Flllightattendant · 29/02/2008 09:32

...and the 'best we call it a day' is his way of being freaked out at the idea of commitment, and trying to hang the blame on you.

Mine used to do it - he would arrange to call, not call, then be surprised when I didn't ring him and then after a few days I would text saying 'are you Ok?' and he would say 'I thought it was over, you didn't call'!

He wanted it to be over in a way - he was scared of commitment - but would rather it was my fault iyswim. Totally bizarre. He was unhinged really.

Btw I now have his baby, as I was sadly unwilling to admit he was an oddo till I was already pregnant and the mental abuse became impossible to ignore.

Admit the mistake now - please - it will not get better, he doesn't trust you after 6 months which prob means he never will.

lostdad · 29/02/2008 09:35

On the positive side, it's better you know what he's like sooner rather than latter.

I find myself often wishing I'd done that where my ex was concerned!

Flllightattendant · 29/02/2008 09:43

Lostdad - isn't it odd how when a person starts acting weird, we find it so hard to accept we've got involved in error - I couldn't bear the idea I had chosen yet another dufus to go out with! So I stayed...

lostdad · 29/02/2008 10:14

My biggest mistake was being a romantic idiot who glossed over anything bad because I loved her and thought it would be fine if we worked on it. I thought that right up until the day she left without warning.

I've learnt my lesson though.

skeletonbones · 29/02/2008 10:28

As others have said at least you know he's an idiot now than later,your not a mug at all, it taks time to get to know what someone is like and sometimes you don't find out that they are not worth your time untill you know them for a while. I dated a right idiot a couple of years ago,I thought he was lovely and charming and really understood me being a parent himself and raved about him to friends and family. he turned out to be a serial womaniser, and really not the person I thought he was and had said some horrible things about me to save his own worthless skin. At first i beat myself up over picking another loser, but now i couldn't give a stuff about him and he sad life.

Original poster
Prettyfull · 29/02/2008 12:25

Hi ya, thanks for all your replys! And sumone mentioned him being 14 thats so true, im more mature then he is. You wouldnt believe im 24 and hes 31!!!!!! I still wana know why he decided to dump me over a text, and for what reason, as i havnt done anything wrong! Im not saying he def suggested i was up to sumthing when he called, but it was all i could think of as it was so random. Getting on fine one momment and dumped the next!

Madness!!

OP posts:
Flllightattendant · 29/02/2008 13:06

As you say yourself...madness. Men like this need to be avoided aand I would not even prod him with a Very Long Stick if I was in your position...do NOT take it as a 'blip' and imagine it never happened - it did, and there was a reason for it, and he is not the type of bloke you really want to start analysing as it might make him think you are ready to a) acceot such unnerving behaviour and b) sort him out.

No thanks mate

There is a reason he is still single and dating younger (he imagines more ignorant) women.

The 'reason' he did this is really simple - he is extremely insecure, and wants to control you. That is all. If you are happy with this plan, go for it...if not, ignore all calls and texts except to tell him he is no longer required. Then sit back and wait for someone sane! Do it for your daughter if not yourself....I have been there, honestly, I took the other path so I KNOW!!! lol

colacubes · 29/02/2008 14:09

he sounds like a right drama queen, some folks just like agro, my advice is lifes to short, tell him to bugger off.

FloraPosteschild · 29/02/2008 14:10

Too right cola. I totally agree

Sometimes it's better to be on your own rather than with a muppet.

colacubes · 29/02/2008 14:13

lol flora, hes defo a muppet

littlewoman · 29/02/2008 17:59

Not a blip. Not a blip.Sorry for that, but flightattendant has hit the nail on the head. Not a blip, but a revelation of the 'other' side of his character. He should carry a toxic warning.

littlewoman · 29/02/2008 18:03

btw you haven't been a mug, or anything else. this behaviour is to do with him. don't try and take the blame for it, thinking you canyou can try harder and make it better. you can't. he is strange.

Tinkerbel6 · 29/02/2008 18:08

he sounds like a spoilt brat who needs his legs slapped, next time he says to call it a day say yes good riddance

Original poster
Prettyfull · 29/02/2008 18:34

Yeah im def agreeing with you lot on this one! He just called asking to come over later,...he finsihs work at 7 then hes meeting his brother for drinks at the pub then coming over i only wana see him now purely to get my £20 he owes me back ha ha

Im more pissed off,...not that this is to do with the thread i orignially started,..but just found out xpartner is married and with a baby on the way,...sh*t we only been split just over a year!! grrrrrrrrrrr too much drama in my life at the mo!!

OP posts:
FloraPosteschild · 29/02/2008 19:01

Go girl. It is so, so great to see someone who knows what is good for her! There are a lot of nutters about, as many of us know
Be very nice till you have the £20 back and then tell him to sling it

Must be a shock about your ex. I hope you are Ok. x

colacubes · 29/02/2008 19:20

well thank gawd for that, well done, be strong and know your own mind, and if you dont get the 20 quid back, its probably worth it to get rid of the drama queen.

Sorry to hear about the ex, but try to remember why you're not with him in the first place, good luck x

Original poster
Prettyfull · 29/02/2008 19:45

Awww thankyou! You lot are so sweet!! Thanks for congraulating me on being strong BUT i havnt actually done it yet! Im hoping im strong enough to do it!!

OP posts:
FloraPosteschild · 29/02/2008 20:23

I lost an electric screwdriver to a freak boyfriend once. It was well worth it

Original poster
Prettyfull · 01/03/2008 00:51

ok so its totally over now! I got a tenner back ha ha and he turned up at mine at 11pm after he'd been to the pub with his brother we were geting on ok and yet again forgetting about him splitting up me only days earlier.

He ended up storming off with the hump,...long story but sumtimes he stays over at mine and when dd wakes in the morning i usually get her to come in with me on the side of the bed for 5 mins rather then jumping up outa bed (cos i'l b in some horrble mood lol) baring in mind he is in the bed too (sum may thing that its wrong, but its only 5 mins in the morning and i felt that after 6 months that the relationship was going sumwhere)anyway,...this morning dd came in and i said give mummy a cuddle for 2 mins and he let out this nasty "arrrrghhhh uurrrghh grrr" as in dont f*in let her in the bed. Basically he has thre boys of his own and his marriage didnt work out and he doesnt get to see the boys much,...sop basically he said he doesnt want to wake up to my dd when hes left his sons!!

Not my fault,...i simply said im nto changing out daily routine for him,..and not putting him first over my dd. He was going on saying how dd gets in the way of us,...that with us i get him and him only,..(which is bull)....so all night i said what do u expect me to do? Dd comes first,..and he got his shoes on and left!!

Then called me saying its all over and nto to text him,....

What a crazy night,...him havng three kids of his own you'd think he undestand i cant just ignore my childs there for him!!

Anyway,...im going on and on,..so gona go to bed!!

OP posts:
madamez · 01/03/2008 01:03

What a knob, you are well rid of him.

FloraPosteschild · 01/03/2008 07:16

God, what a complete and utter bastard!!!!!

I am glad it is over mate. Honestly, this could have been BOTH my boyfriends since splitting from Ds1's dad.

Both acted all nice at first then it came down to them acting like jealous children when they realised that actually, I was NOT going to put them before my son - I mean, do they really expcet that? Both of them got massive strops and sulks when I let him in the bed, or basically did anything that meant he got the routine and access to mummy he was used to, and they had to accomodate that. They were unable to cope with children, and wanted just me and nothing in the way.

It was so pathetic. They both did EXACTLY what yours did, stormed off after making awful cross noises at me for allowing ds anywhere near them...various reasons and excuses they gave, none of which was a decent one.

I leanred the hard way, that I was never ever going to put some bloke before my kids - once I realised that I was OK.

Still waiting for one who doesn;'t expect me to though

Well done Prettyfull, we are proud of you!!!

colacubes · 01/03/2008 10:00

Good for you. hes a proper tosser.

littlewoman · 01/03/2008 13:12

THIS WEEK PRETTYFULL IS:
1 A VERY GOOD MUMMY
2 A FANTASTIC JUDGE OF CHARACTER
3 WORLD FAMOUS ECONOMIST
4 ASTUTE ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT SHE AND HER DS
DESERVE BETTER.

A VERY GOOD WEEK ALL IN ALL PRETTYFULL

mylovelymonster · 01/03/2008 13:25

You and your DD deserve MUCH better. Well rid xx

Swipe left for the next trending thread