Hate where I am right now....does anyone else feel they are not who they should be?

[greeneyedgirl]

I split with my OH in 2006 and since then I have lived with my parents. I did not really mind before, but recently have met someone new and have slowly realised I hate what I have become.

The good things are that my parents are great, they love my dd and she loves them immensely, I passed my driving test last year and that has given me confidence. BUT I yearn for independence, I have no job at the mo and finding a good part time position seems nigh on impossible! I hate that I didn't go to uni or get myself a career, most of all I hate the fact that I seem to have a good brain and have done nothing with it.

I have decided to find out about benefits (although I don't want to claim really), but the guy I am seeing is really successful and I just feel like a complete nothing next to him (my fault, not him). I really need a kick up the arse to get me going! Anyone got any words of wisdom, or success stories to gee me up??

Have you considered going to uni, rather than getting a low-end part time job? Lots of unis have creches, or if you go to one near where you live with your parents that would help too. Getting a degree in a subject you're passionate about might give you just the boost in confidence you need, and would open up new job possibilities, particularly if it's a vocational degree. What do you think to that idea?

Sorry to hear you are feeling down about yourself. You mention that you hate that you didn't go to uni. Can you look into what is available to you, claim wise, to go and study at uni? I did (actually I got pregnant whilst at uni, 2nd year pregnant, 3rd year single mum with new born!) there is some financial help out there for us. Can do wonders for your self esteem, confidence, it's interesting, meet new people and you are not "competing" in the job market. Also it can stand you in good stead for when dc's start school etc.

Just a thought, but hope you feel better soon x

sorry x posts!

Great minds BernieBear

Fwiw, geg, if you're feeling 'low status' i'd recommend going for a course which confers status eg. law, classics, economics. The sort of thing when people ask you what you do you can reply 'I have a DD aged X, and I'm also studying for a degree in Y at the University of Z' and they'll say 'Gosh' and be all impressed .

yeah, definately get yourself off to College or Uni to retrain.

I'd love to go to uni, did for a while just before my marriage broke up. Was doing history, but think I probably need something more vocational, but I am not sure what.

Was thinking about teaching, but possibly more with special needs, as I feel I would really get satisfaction from that. I guess I just keep thinking that at 33, 3 years seems a long time, but i really need to use my brain and boost my self esteem.

greeneyedgirl, I am 42 and still have 2 years to go on my computer course. I was a SAHM for 10 years but now need to retrain as all my previous skills are outdated. I will be 45 by the time I've finished but who cares, I will still have 15-20 years of rewarding work ahead of me and I am looking forward to it.

Just because your 33 and not 18 doesn't mean it can't be done.

I like to call myself an "immature student".

Lol NT, immature student would suit me very well too. Yes I was thinking about re-educating myself, but wasn't sure. Thanks to all of your replies I think I will go get some prospectuses. Although, not sure whether to wait until DD starts school (which will be next Sept), will think on that one.

I started my degree at 33. Was the most immature on my course, until I got pregnant that is.

Look at what you love (or would love) to do as a hobby and see if there is a degree in it. I loved solving problems and computers so,
did an IT degree. Those three years (sometimes four) go so so fast and can be a lot of fun....even with children.

Now I run my own business, but would never have had the confidence to do it if I hadn't done a degree.

If you are unsure, why not do an Access course first. It takes a year, updates your skills and gives you "access" to a degree course. Plenty of mature students do it, so may be a great place to meet like minded girls and give you the chance to work out what you might like to study.

I'm taking an English degree with 6 kids at home, and I'm 42. Go for it. Become your future self

Have you thought of alternatives to a degree? There are plenty of self-employed people who don't have a higher qualification; also, although law etc is highly regarded and would give you some kudos, it might be hard to then find work that fits around being a single-parent (not that I'm an expert on legal jobs..)

Although I have a degree already, it's been very hard to find part-time/flexible work so I've been studying to be a personal trainer and will set up my own business later on this year. I'll hopefully be able to work part time and still make a reasonable living.

I'm convincing myself that there is a gap in the market for mature (43 year old!) personal trainers..

Please don't feel inadequate about not having a degree; in my experience alot of the people at uni were only there because that was what you did next.. it doesn't mean you haven't got what it takes to be successful!

I am a thirty something and in the first year of a full time degree course by distance learning. It means I can still work part-time which suits me as I get loads of time with kids and can take them to all their after school activities but I feel I am heading somewhere too.

There are all sorts of cousres and traing routes you could go. Plenty of different career options if you are looking at working with children with special needs too.

Get researching and find out what there is out there, have a look at jobs you might like to do in the future and what you need to get a job like that. Do have a look at benifits and tax credits, claim what you are due, it will help you to become finacially independent while you retrain or study.