Have I done the right thing?

[luckymumto4]

Hello, I was wondering if anyone could please give me some opinions on this......i am so worried.

To cut a long story short I havn't been with my ds dad for a long time now, we have had quite a tough time getting things such as access and money sorted out although things seem to be ok at the moment, however I have done something to 'rock the boat' so to speak and now I'm worried things are going to kick off again.

I have a dp who has raised my son since he was a baby, my ex is not very involved, sees him very rarely and doesnt contribute financialy although as I said things are very calm between us at the moment. I am expecting a baby with my dp and I have changed my ds name to my partners surname so that it will have the same name as it's sibling.

I did think about this a lot before I did it and thought it would be best for my son, but now I'm worried things are going to get nasty again so do you think I've done the right thing, and if he does get nasty what is the worst case senario?

Any opinions would be gratefully recieved

Thank you for reading

Oh and my friend has very kindly let me use her mumsnet account in case the user name seems confusing! i'm not brave enough to have four! lol!

If your ds dad has parental resposibilty then he would have to agree to the name change. I guess he doesn't have it for you to be able to do it without his knowledge. In that case, he can make things unpleasant for you but he can't actually do anything about it.

If he only sees him rarely, doesn't support him financially etc then he should keep his mouth shut. I think you have done the right thing for your family. If he gets nasty about it, then you need to tell him that you do not wish to discuss it and leave it at that.

Have you changed it legally? Was XP name on the birth certificate? Not sure what the law says about it..but as he plays no or little part in your ds life, id say he dosnt have much say. Does your ex know your pregnant? Might be worth talking to him and bringing it up just to sort it out so your not waiting for the storm?

hi luckymumto4 - just by conincidence had a related conversation about name changes with my lawyer last week. i didnt marry my partner and gave our ds his family name. As now we are no longer together, i was thinking of changing son's name so we have the same name. my ex p has parental responsibility and inspite of this my lawyer said that would be ok for me to change the name (w/o his consent) cos i was the mum. she said was understandable and so couldnt really be any objection by courts etc for ease of travelling etc. If your ex finds out and gets narky i would therefore tell him it was because of different surnames that you did it beacuse you had lots of qs at passport control or doctors etc....hope that helps...

mY SON was born in 03 and has x dp name not the same as mine.

I asked the solicitor if o could change the name to mind and i was told no. if i do he could got to court and get it changed back and force me too.

I left it as his name.

he is on bc.