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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Does any one else's ex .....

30 replies

HowamIgoingtocope · 08/04/2017 12:53

Try to micromanage what they do. It's not a recent thing with mine. But he really doesn't like the way I parent . Or how I deal with situations with the kids. If I talk to.school and don't involve him. What I feed the kids what time they go to bed. Etc etc.
I'm fed up of it all.

OP posts:
nonameinspiration · 08/04/2017 18:36

Yes he did in the past. This is the point where you limit contact to pick ups drop offs and return of items. That's it.

Original poster
HowamIgoingtocope · 08/04/2017 20:30

Oh he emails. I'll be stopping g that next week too. He can fuck off. I'm done. I'm currently being told what the kids should eat and when they go to bed.
Oh and the fact I go to the gym and leave them with my mum for an hour males me the devil incarnate

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Marydingding · 10/04/2017 19:29

I'm with my partner and he's the same with me. I never do anything right according to him. This is one of the reasons I want to separate. I'm only allowed to drive the car certain distances to. Men.

nonameinspiration · 10/04/2017 19:29

Block him

Original poster
HowamIgoingtocope · 10/04/2017 21:29

Bit hard when you have children with thwm no name.

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Starlight2345 · 10/04/2017 22:20

My approach to this is the past was to simply ignore anything that was not relevant.. Eg..IF he asked what was for tea, what DS was to have..I would ignore completely..

Children are fine is the response to this message or don't even answer every email if he sends lots..

Original poster
HowamIgoingtocope · 10/04/2017 22:23

Currently past the 30 mark for one issue that he went ahead and did and didn't see if I was actually going to do what he asked. Which resulted in upset kids. Exhausted . I only answer what's relevant. He still rants

OP posts:
nonameinspiration · 10/04/2017 23:17

If he writes long boring emails make the comms text only -

Original poster
HowamIgoingtocope · 11/04/2017 07:04

Tried that. He ends up with long texts. Can't win either way

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Starlight2345 · 11/04/2017 13:28

I would consider reiterating to him.You will be taking good care of the children. Tell him you will not engage in conversation on every day decisions you make all the time. You do not what the children dragging into this as it is about the children and they are been upset by been dragged into it.

If you are receiving 30 emails a day I would consider this harassment and a sols letter may well be in order too.

Original poster
HowamIgoingtocope · 11/04/2017 16:58

The kids being upset was my fault for not agreeing to go and collect them. Funny that two more emails today and my head hurts. Want the world to.swallow me up.

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Emeralda · 12/04/2017 08:11

So have I understood correctly that he made a plan that relied on you collecting them and told the DC this would be happening without consulting with you? I wonder if the boundaries need re-drawn here, for the DCs sake and yours.
What age are the DC? Is there a court order in place for contact? Have you already had mediation?
You might not be able to have no contact with him, but you can certainly have less contact if you put certain things in place like agreeing contact dates well in advance and having neutral pick-ups eg picking up from school or activities. You'll need to have strongly worded conversation with him about boundaries and repeat as necessary "your time, your rules" and "your time, your plans". If appropriate, you can have a more gently worded conversation with the DCs.
A poster on another thread suggested something great for an ex sending long emails "I'm not reading all that. If it's about the children, please send just that". You could try "I'm not reading all that. If it's about contact, please send just that".
Good luck Flowers

Original poster
HowamIgoingtocope · 12/04/2017 10:32

I have been stating specific things. I have an email drafted and am dreading sending it . no contact order in place , we went to mediation he broke he agreement a week after we had left. We will see what happens.

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Batulay · 12/04/2017 11:07

How ironic, some dads don't give a damn about their kids whilst others go overboard the other way!!!! I don't know if I should say I wish my ex was like that, at least my kids would have their dad in their life

Original poster
HowamIgoingtocope · 12/04/2017 11:21

Its great they have their dad and yes he is a good dad , but he is definatly losing it because of his obsession with how I parent. It must do the girlfriends head in .

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Batulay · 12/04/2017 11:25

I would say that I appreciate him being so concerned about his kids, that it shows he's a good dad and loves them. Tell him that you're their mom and loves them too. Try to reassure him you're doing your job right.

nonameinspiration · 12/04/2017 11:31

I would be tempted to really put my foot down with this. Write an email state states very clearly you are only open to communication regarding pick ups, drop offs and sending or collecting equipment. Then write you will consider any communication beyond this as harassment and contact he police and your solicitor.
Otherwise you will be dealing with this bullshit indefinitely x

thatdearoctopus · 12/04/2017 11:48

Why are you engaging with him in text tennis. Ignore his rants. Only respond about details on pick-up/collection/vital things.
So,
Him: what are you feeding the kids for tea.
You:
Him: Did you get my text about tea?
You:
Him: I want to know
You: I will drop them at yours on Wednesday at 5.

Emeralda · 12/04/2017 21:13

I agree, don't engage. You don't have to. You just have to make the DCs available for contact. In fact, if there is no court order in place, you don't even have to do that.
What do you mean when you say he broke the agreement?
Is there a regular contact pattern in place? If so, you don't need to communicate with him unless that changes. If not, tell him you believe it would be in DCs best interests to move to a regular contact pattern from x date. Either go back to what was decided in mediation or suggest a couple of alternatives and ask him to let you know by x date which option to take.
You'll never change him. You can just put things in place to minimise the impact on you and try not to let it bother you. Easy to say, I know. It's dressed up as "good parenting" but he's probably only doing it to get at you. Don't give him the satisfaction, as my Granny would say.
Flowers

Original poster
HowamIgoingtocope · 12/04/2017 22:08

Contact pattern has been in place for 5 years. He now has decided it's not his obligation to do all the transport. He effectively wants me to reduce my contracted hours to go and collect them from his. I can't do it. I have to obligate my contracted hours. If that makes sense
Sent a final email. Just one to reply to now and that eilleen be short. No contact order in place. That however if he pushes this may happen.

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RandomMess · 12/04/2017 22:14

Urgh what a controlling w*nker.

I see you've already replied but I would just repeat the same phrase "I will make DC available for contact at the current agreed days/time as per standard contact agreements"

I doubt he'd win in court unless you have moved them further away!

Original poster
HowamIgoingtocope · 12/04/2017 22:32

Nope he moved 8 miles away. Kinda doesn't help when he spouts on about coparenting. My son won't be getting two buses to his when he's old enough to. He will.be picking the kids up in definatly I recon. Yes very controlling. I keep saying that random. I'll carry on saying it. I simply can not leave work earlier. Not the fact he works from home and has said it its a waste of him time brining time them home. Offered extra time he time. Refused in a fashion without saying no.

So it's am done

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Original poster
HowamIgoingtocope · 12/04/2017 22:33

Nope he moved 8 miles away. Kinda doesn't help when he spouts on about coparenting. My son won't be getting two buses to his when he's old enough to. He will.be picking the kids up in definatly I recon. Yes very controlling. I keep saying that random. I'll carry on saying it. I simply can not leave work earlier. Not the fact he works from home and has said it its a waste of him time brining time them home. Offered extra time he time. Refused in a fashion without saying no.

So it's am done

OP posts:
RandomMess · 13/04/2017 12:31

Please stick to the same parroted phrase that is something like I said or "my responsibility is to make the DC available for contact as per the agreed times, nothing else. If you do not intend to return them then I will have to get a residency order with arrest warrant attached"

Something along those lines. Dont' use work as a reason just say no as resident parent that is not your responsibility.

Argh!!!!!!!!!!!

nonameinspiration · 13/04/2017 12:33

My exh makes contact during my working hours on purpose to disrupt me so I would discourage this as well.
Agree with pp no chanted to ordered contact arrangements. Save an email template and send it in response to everything