Absent father rights

[Ready2017]

Hi,

My 1st ever post to Mumsnet.. so here goes...

I divorced 10 years ago, my daughter was 3. No access/custody was agreed at the time but my daughter did see her Dad every other weekend... can't remember how long that lasted but within 2 years of divorce he left the country.

He also remarried shortly after and didn't tell his daughter until almost 2 years later - she cried for hours :(

I've had no financial support from him since my daughter was 5 (now 12) and I've never asked - I've done fine by myself. Long story short he is now back in the U.K. and demanding that I meet with him and grant access. My daughter doesn't want to see him - I told him I won't meet him unless I have my her blessing so he is now threatening to take me to court.

Can the courts make her see him?

He has been out of her life physically and financially for 10 years... all she gets is an email on her Birthday.. I don't want to emotionally distress her

I think that at 12 the courts would generally go with what your daughter wants to do as it's likely she's old enough to understand and express her own opinions on it. If he hasn't tried to make the effort to be in her life up until now it's probably pretty unlikely he'll make the effort to go to court either

Thanks guys... my head has been swimming with random scenarios and keeping me up at night... I'll start planning an offence and see whether or not he actually follows through.. he plans to find a job first... need I say more 🤔

Parents don't have rights, children do...a right to a relationship with both parents.

As some one has stated earlier the wishes of your daughter are not absolute but instead given weight according to circumstances - how the court interprets those circumstances etc is anyones guess...

It would be best all round if court wasn't attempted - after all your daughter is more than likely going to vote with her feet anyway.

There is also the chance your daughter might come round to the idea of dad in her life again, but that would mean dad would need to be patient....he needs to downgrade his language and expectations

I'll start planning an offence...

Not really an appropriate choice of phrase, you're not going on maneuvers - don't treat it as a fight.

I would just not get into an argument with him. Just say it's alot for her to take in and you have to give her time for it all to sink in. Say going through court will only make matters worse as children tend to stand their ground alot longer when they feel forced into something. Plus she wouldn't have any positive time with him if she's forced to.
She is 12 and is old enough to make her own mind up and he needs to respect that, done the correct way they could have a relationship if that's what she wants