Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Ex-Husband Bullshit Bingo (light hearted- ish)

43 replies

RedBushedT · 14/12/2013 00:04

So, my Ex-H and I had another text based row recently and the same stock phrases came up again.

In order to keep my cool in future, I'm going to create a set of "bullshit bingo" cards to have to hand for next time he kicks off.

Phrases I'll be looking out for include:

I warn you!
This is all your doing
Cold hearted bitch
I'll fight you over xyz
My babies
Everything your way
You must do xyz

What would be on your bullshit bingo cards?

OP posts:

BlackeyedShepherdswatchsheep · 14/12/2013 00:16

do try not to shout house half way though his phone calls won't you?

Original poster

RedBushedT · 14/12/2013 00:25

That would be hilarious! Don't think it would improve our already strained contact though

OP posts:

yummymummylol · 14/12/2013 09:45

This made me giggle!
My exp stock phrase when these sorts of arguments start is 'whatever'! I hadn't realised I had a relationship with a teenager!!

Monetbyhimself · 14/12/2013 10:11

You're not going to ruin me ! ( in reference to financial settlement of our joint assets )

You'll never survive without me (controlling git much ?)

I WAS NOT having an affair (the emails between you prove otherwise)

Nobody else will want you ( if only he knew who'd been ringing my bell )

Someday I hope we can all be friends ( yeah when hell freezes over and OW waxes her tache so she doesn't scare the dog )

foolonthehill · 14/12/2013 11:47

They need to come with a bingo card and a translator

"obviously" = not at all obvious to anyone except you and your strange mind

"I am willing to do all I can to accommodate but" = I am going to dig my heels in and refuse to budge one inch

"Obviously cooperation will be to everyone's benefit in this instance" You'll have to do it my way or I will make sure everyone knows you are a controlling bitch

"I would be happy to be flexible but" = do it my way, do what i want, I get to choose

"I don't mind but" = I mind very much and i don't care about anyone else.

Mosschops30 · 14/12/2013 11:54

Ooh I like this, mine would be:

You wanted this
I've lost everything because of you
I love my kids (as long as it doesn't interfere with my social life)
I'm so much happier now
I've done everything you wanted (er no as usual you have everything the way you want it)

BaltiPie · 14/12/2013 12:03

Haha! Brill thread!

Mine is exactly the same as mosschops

Can I add though:

You made your bed, now lie in it (with pleasure, now you're not in it!)

I would have done anything for you (yes,it's what you did that was the problem. Oh and your personality. )

(Ds) is all I've got left (then why is he less important than your social life)

Oh that feels so much better actually getting it off my chest!

Mosschops30 · 14/12/2013 12:10

Oh yes I'll go for that one too

I would have done anything for you/I thought we were un breakable/when I married you it was for life/you were the one

Shame your behaviour towards me didn't support any of these claims!

RandomMess · 14/12/2013 12:13

Actually can you find a way of trumping them all and refuse to engage with them????

Sure it would piss them off far more than arguing...

PeskyRat · 14/12/2013 12:20

Ex DP, we never married, a couple of years after split:

"Can you lend me 5 grand?" and me being the idiot that I am..........

Monetbyhimself · 14/12/2013 13:47

Ob yes 'we' need to put the children first.

Which 'you' clearly only do when OW/work/gigs/new cars don't take priority.

I think that deserves double points

My own personal favourite ' You are so stubborn' (because I no longer do what he tells me to do, when he tells me to do it.

Original poster

RedBushedT · 14/12/2013 14:44

Some excellent ones here, many of which I've also heard. Amazing how many have the same script.
I do try not to engage and generally don't but every so often he catches me on a bad day and I forget to ignore his arsey texts..
This is just to remind me to stay calm and try to not get sucked into the trap

OP posts:

GiraffesAndButterflies · 14/12/2013 14:57

Someday I hope we can all be friends ( yeah when hell freezes over and OW waxes her tache so she doesn't scare the dog )

Meow! In an admiring way

Crazyex · 14/12/2013 18:27

Ditto Misschops 100%.... Freakily so!

kinkyfuckery · 15/12/2013 21:20

I find this particularly hilarious as my ex husband is a bingo caller

RandomMess · 15/12/2013 21:34

I think you should have the balls to text back one day "Bingo" each and everyone one of you!

Monetbyhimself · 15/12/2013 22:15

Challenge accepted

sponge31 · 15/12/2013 22:19

I'm with mosschops all the way
"you wanted this" = no what i wanted was not to be your wife anymore, what i didn't want is for you to turn into biggest cunt in the universe!!!
Love this thread...proper cheered me up!

RandomMess · 15/12/2013 22:23

Actually I'm thinking I could produce a game called Bullshit Bingo and your dc could give it to them for Christmas??????

Original poster

RedBushedT · 16/12/2013 00:05

I'd definitely buy that game. Ex has been a huge twat again tonight. Getting fed up of having to switch my phone off just so I don't engage with him.
Another one for the bingo cards.. "Just do it. Now!"

Yeah, sure.. Right you are arsewipe

OP posts:

bibliomania · 16/12/2013 11:48

Ooh, I've just gone to my ex's latest email to pick out the best phrases. It consists of a 2105-word rant, so he gave himself plenty of scope to spread out and use his favourite phrases.

Let's see:

You are deliberately damaging dd's relationship with me.
What you are saying is nonsense.
You should be ashamed of your parenting.
If you were a genuine parent, you would do [whatever he asks].
You are dedicated to doing these evil actions [expanded at length] when I have done nothing but look after dd since she was conceived.
You have persuaded all the social workers, CAFCASS, lawyers and the judge that you are telling the truth [there's a reason for that, buddy].
You are unhelpful, cruel and negative.

And my favourite - drum-roll:
Do some self-reflection.

Better not turn this into a drinking game or I'd be permanently pissed.

alikat724 · 16/12/2013 12:03

Brilliant thread, thanks ladies! Terminal marriage case here, his favourites are:

"Indian giver" (This when I expect even a modicum of reciprocity in our domestic situation, given that we pay precisely half for everything)
"Stop bringing your baggage to the table" (When his past form for bad behaviour causes me to be slightly skeptical about declarations of change)
"You're not a team player" (Because I've recently stopped doing all the heavy lifting in our relationship)
"You're fat" (Which I'm not, actually -5'9 and size 12-14)
"It's not in your nature to be happy" (Because I'm fed up and sad with our poor excuse of a marriage)

Thanks for giving me somewhere to get that off my chest, really rough weekend and in serious need of soul food today!

lostdad · 16/12/2013 13:10

Lol!

I get from my DS's mother:

I respect his wishes and feelings - Although she's dropped this now he's expressing stuff she doesn't like...like spending more time with me'.

His home/your house - Despite the fact he knows he has two homes...

*Your surname is

Monetbyhimself · 16/12/2013 15:53

Ok Ladies let's make this. DRINKING bingo game

I broke the cardinal rule last night and engaged. I can add ' I have nothing to hide' to the bingo card. Apart from every bloody joint asset we ever owned

Original poster

RedBushedT · 16/12/2013 16:11

I hate it when I slip up and engage Monetbyhimself. Every time I do it I instantly regret it as I then get a barrage of text messages as he offloads all sorts of "grievances" at me.

Lostdad, I totally get where you are coming from, I never speak negatively about me ex when the children are around, but it's very clear he feels no such compunction to do the same for me.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2