Separated big families - how does it work ou?

[mulranno]

Just separating from husband - we have 4 kids - no idea how we will afford two houses etc. I have two boys two girls and thinking about maybe some sort of rotating system so two at a time stay with Dad/me...is this fair -? practical? they don't all get on anyway...or should all 4 of them be in one place or the other all of the time?

I've been separated a year and have 8. One has left home, one lives with my STBXH & I have 6 at home.
I wanted them all to go to him together because a) I need a break & b) they should grow up together.
My ex decided he can't cope with them all so they are split 2 weekends a month and then all (except the youngest) with each of us for a weekend.
In some ways it's nice for them to have more focused time with each of us by being separated but on the other hand with school all week weekends are their only real chance to be together as siblings.
On the housing side I have stated at home and ex initially 'took' a boy & a girl with him so he would be houses by the council. That was his decision and did nothing but traumatise the children.

Thanks Pumpkin - that really helpful. Mine are boys 15 and 14, girls 12 and 7. 15 yr old having a v difficult teenage time, major anger issues, hates us all and his siblings. 12 year old is sen with significant behaviour issues - directed at her siblings - so wondering in our case if rotating weekends would be good for 1.1 etc

With the ages you have, I reckon you could ask them how they would feel if.. And present hem with a couple of option. If some kids are quite unhappy, giving them a day on contact might help. I am not speaking from experience as my dc are younger. But they did like it when I asked them how the % contact was for them..

A say, not a day.

Them, not hem.