Worried about DC's, what can I do?

[Outofyourmouth]

I've posted about this before in AIBU, ExP's girfriend has been violent towards him and sent me abusive texts, but he continues to be involved with her. I asked that she be kept away from the children because of her behaviour and exp said he would respect my wishes, but I found out from the DC's (6 & 10) that she stayed over night at his house when they were with him the other weekend, and spent time with them the next day.

They are due to be with him this weekend, but I am worried about her being there again. Is there anything I can do to stop her having contact with them? Or am I over reacting about their safety? Any advice welcome.

If you sincerely believe that their safety is going to be at risk by being there, stop contact. It is as simple as that.

Their safety and best interests are your overriding concern.

You cannot control who he spends his time with as he is an adult but you can take steps to protect your DC.

Have you had serious discussion with him about this? You say you have asked that she be kept away from your DC but have you said anything more than that? I help a lot of dads and they often say they are dictated by exs who object to them having girlfriends so is is possible your ExP may not have heard the fully story?

Talk to him. If talk doesn't work stop contact or allow it but make sure you are doing everything you can to protect them.

Thanks lostdad for your reply. I really don't want to stop contact, but I am at a loss to make him understand my worries.

I thought I had explained my concerns clearly to him, but he went ahead and disregarded them any way. He has tried to make light of the harassment I recieved and the incident when this woman attacked him, but surely it will always be possiblity she could act this way again and I dont want the Dd's to witness that or be on the receiving end of it.

I will try to talk to him again.

was there any incident while the dc were with them both?

the fact she was vioelnt towards him (past tense) is relevant if he reported it - did he?

and yes you can report her for harassing you but theat doesnt mean she isnt lovely to the DC. you dont really ahve enough to go on - if your ex belives that it is ok then until DC complain of specific incident you cant do much about who they spend time with while with ex .

I think you are right cestlavielife. He didn't report the incident, and I was so shocked by the texts I only kept one. As far as I know there have been no incidents in front of the dc, and I hope there never will be. Exp seems to think she wil be ok with them but i can't trust his opinion as he didn't think she would attack him or go through his phone to contact me!

I'm going to have to suck it up and hope every thing will be ok

as dc are 6 and 10 they old enough to report back anything untoward. dont quiz them but keep lines of comunication open.... if they happy thn go with the flow.
if they unhappy then that is different

Yes, but it's so hard when every bone in my body is saying keep them away from her!