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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Christmas and birthdays

13 replies

Sasquatch75 · 10/09/2013 20:14

I've not long been separated and haven't had to deal with Christmas or any birthdays yet. I know everyone is different and what works for one won't work for another, but I'm interested to know what you all do? Luckily the first birthday isn't until after Christmas so hopefully things will be a bit easier to deal with emotionally.

OP posts:

Onebuddhaisnotenough · 10/09/2013 21:17

Ex has chosen not to see the children at Christmas in favour of spending time with OWs family.

He has never had any interets in the practical side of birthdays (arranging and actually PAYING for parties) so the contact order that we have in place stipulates that the children stay at home on their birthdays and he can see them if they want to se ehim.

LeoTheLateBloomer · 10/09/2013 21:19

We do alternate years for both. This year I had DD on her birthday and will have her for Christmas, next year he'll have her for both and so on.

TensionWheelsCoolHeels · 10/09/2013 21:33

DD has always spent Xmas and new year with me. Ex enjoys socialising during the festive period so tends not to want the responsibility of organising Xmas, and has never stayed in at new year. He did spend our 1st separated Xmas here, and we stayed at his last Xmas. Basically no set 'rules' as such but I've yet to spend Xmas apart from DD, who is 8.

maisierose91 · 13/09/2013 15:53

We are coming up to our 2nd round of both (DD is 3 in Nov), and this year we are splitting the birthday as she will go to him in the evening. As fro Christmas, his family celebrate on Christmas eve, so she will go there and be brought home Christmas morning which breaks my heart :(

I think compromise is the best approach, it's horrible not having your baby for either but Ex may be feeling the same? Hope this helps x

Lonecatwithkitten · 13/09/2013 17:40

We alternate so Christmas we have that one year and new year the next. Birthdays we stick to contact days this year it was me all day, next year me in the morning him in the evening, the next him all day and so on.

Discomama · 13/09/2013 17:45

Will be my first Christmas too - dreading the argument over who gets who when, trying to avoid it at the moment!

LeoTheLateBloomer · 13/09/2013 18:17

Last Christmas was my first without DD who was 2.5 at the time and in the lead up to it I was feeling very shaky. The arrangement was that he'd pick her up at lunch time on Christmas eve and bring her back Christmas day evening.

I arranged to volunteer in a soup kitchen on Christmas day itself so in my mind it wasn't really Christmas. When she came home as far as I was concerned it was Christmas eve. Father Christmas appeared again that night (he got confused ) and we had Christmas on 26th December. It ended up being really lovely and I plan to do the same thing in the future when I don't have her on the day itself.

MamaTo3Boys · 13/09/2013 18:26

I count myself lucky on Christmas and birthdays. My childrens fathers don't want anything to do with them so I get them all to myself

However, at the same time, I'm gutted for my boys for not being able to see their fathers, especially on special occasions. So I have mixed feelings on this I suppose :(

WithConfidence · 13/09/2013 22:15

Ex had ds on evening before his birthday and first part of the morning, brought him home and I had the house all decorated, presents laid out and food ready for his party. He loved coming in and seeing it all so I think it worked well.

Christmas last year ex had plans so didn't see him til Boxing day, which was actually quite tricky. Ds was only 2 and ill so I couldn't get away from him to do any Christmas stuff in the night and was just knackered by dinner time. This year he's going to collect him at 10am on Christmas day so I'll get to do all the stockings, presents, have a break and then I'll make him a big dinner on Boxing day.

This year on his birthday I kept a few books back to open at bedtime, to counteract any anti-climax. So I'm thinking of doing that on Boxing day bedtime as well to stretch things out a bit.

lostdad · 14/09/2013 10:53

As part of the consent order with my ex my son alternates his birthdays, Christmas, etc. between his home here and his one with his mother.

Original poster

Sasquatch75 · 14/09/2013 20:38

Thanks all. Lots of different arrangements there. I emailed (can't speak to him amicably yet!) him and suggested I have them Christmas Eve and then he pick them up at 3pm on Christmas Day and drop them back on Boxing Day evening. He's happy with that.

Not sure what we'll do about our oldest boy's birthday which is 4 days later! :/

OP posts:

Foxy800 · 15/09/2013 08:32

Last Christmas we went to his families and he was there, I wanted dd to be a part of it all as normal but wasn't going to be apart from her either. Her birthday this year I did a family get together and a friend one and her Dad attended the family one but chose not to attend the friends one.

BlackeyedSusan · 16/09/2013 12:18

dad comes here. we will probably go to my mum's this year though. laast year she was ill and in a care home for christmas. this year will be her first year at home after dad died. mil died on christmas day last year and so the children's dad should be with his dad at least part of christmas. he was here when mil died. we still have a bag of chrristmas presents that did not get opened.

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