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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

I'm going to feel like this forever and I know it.

7 replies

MissSG · 03/05/2013 13:54

ExF left me 6 months ago, out of the blue.

I have a 20 MO DS and I am coming up 27 weeks pregnant.

I still love him. He has shown no interest in DS and told me to abort our planned baby.

I have been asking him to come back to me which he ignores, I've told him how I feel which he ignores. The only time he contacts me is to tell me that he is too hungover/busy/tired to see DS.

:( 6 months and my love for him is still as strong as it was, Im heartbroken and just want him back.

I'm so happy to have DS and another baby on the way, I get more excited everyday about having this baby. I am just so upset that he just ignores texts I send telling him how I feel/what he means.

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 03/05/2013 14:23

why do you love someone who dislikesyou and shows you no repsect etc? he shows no iterest - stop asking him to.
focus on you and your baby and share your thgouhgts with family or friends who DO repsect you and are interested.

claim CSA for the kids thru offiicial channels.

Original poster

MissSG · 03/05/2013 14:30

I honestly don't know why I feel like this still, I moved away from family and friends for him and he was the only thing I had until my DS was born. It just seemed that I was so lucky to have him, I have no self confidence and he was too good for me. We planned this baby and then he left, It was such a shock to me and I still haven't gotten over it at all.

I'm so happy to have this baby and my DS and they are the only thing keeping me going.

Do I want to feel this way? Of course not, My heart breaks a little but more every time I see him/hear his voice and I can't help it.

The CSA said that he doesn't have to pay a penny (and he hasn't) because he is a student.

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 03/05/2013 15:39

talk to your midwife and ask to be referred for counselling. if you can sort this out before baby is born it might help lwoer your risk for pnd - which at the moment the stress is going to increase it isnt it?

you love the idea of him, not him .
he is a twat, right?

PurpleThing · 04/05/2013 23:17

He's not too good for you, he sounds like a total arse. Get some counselling to help with your self confidence and you will start to see you are worth more.

Sounds like you invested so much in him, moving for him, basing your life around him that it is hard to let go. You need to rediscover yourself, what you like doing, who you actually are. Have you got anyone to support you once the baby comes? Could you move back to where you were before?

TheBakeryQueen · 05/05/2013 09:46

Oh dear

I really feel for you, you're in a really tough situation.

I'd say you need to get angry but probably not a good idea when you're pregnant.

Your ex sounds cruel. And agree with the poster that said it's the idea of him that you love, not really him.

You sound like a good mum so id focus all your energy on that. We owe it to our children to model good behaviour and good relationships. Children copy their parents. If a boys sees his mum accepting shitty behaviour from a man, he will learn that that is how to treat your partner. There is much evidence to suggest that if girls see their dad abuse their mum then they are far more likely to be in abusive relationships.

I've been in unhealthy relationships too. I had low self esteem too. Having my children changed all that.

I spilt up with the boys' dad because he was abusive. I owe it to my children to be a happy, emotionally healthy mum an so do you.

Pining after your ex, who is quite clearly not good enough, is not healthy.

As hard & painful as it is, you need to draw a line under this 'relationship'. If he can leave you, when you're quite clearly vulnerable & pregnant, then he is not nice & not worth it.

Please post in relationships, you will get much more advice there. It's fairly quiet in lone parents.

Wishing you strength to get through this. You sound like a lovely mum.

sarahseashell · 05/05/2013 23:03

no-one feels like anything forever

you can and will move on from this, however unlikely that seems now

counselling can help you if you feel 'stuck' or even google online cbt
good luck

gettingeasiernow · 06/05/2013 17:09

I'm so sorry you are in such a vulnerable situation and so unhappy. Many of us have been there and you should take heart that we've got through it and gone on to build happy lives - you can too, no matter how bleak things seem at the moment.
You can get over the heartbreak, but it takes a lot of courage, time, common sense, and wise counselling, either from friends/family or professional. I repeat what others have said - this man is a total arse and not worthy of your love. Try to figure out why you think you still love a man who treats you with such lack of care. Ask yourself if this is the kind of treatment you would like your dc's to replicate in their adult life? Draw strength from knowing what is right for them, even if you are unclear about what is best for you for the time being. Take one day at a time, get all the help you can. Don't make excuses for him, see him for what he is. You are very vulnerable at the moment so it is very hard to draw a line under it, but you deserve so much better and please believe that one day you'll have something much better. Wishing you courage and strength.

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