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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

EX went threw my phone !!!

25 replies

SummersComing1111 · 14/04/2013 13:33

EX came to pick DS up who was sleeping on the sofa i left the room to go get his coat leaving my phone behind, i come back notice my phone had moved so checked what was last opened, ( txts and phone calls ) i left emails open.

I cannot believe he went threw my phone , he has asked me if im speaking to anyone and im not the only thing he would of seen is a text off orange and that his name is saved in my phone under prick... I have nothing to hide but cant believe he did it!! And then denied it to!

WHY !!!

OP posts:

HeySoulSister · 14/04/2013 13:34

My ex did this too.

They all do it want to.... He wants to know who you are with. Doorstep collection from now on?

HeySoulSister · 14/04/2013 13:34

*or

Original poster

SummersComing1111 · 14/04/2013 13:37

Well they are the fools, and mine probs feels a fool cus he found nothing. Thats what i was thinking , hes got DS till 4 so when he brings him back im gonna tell him he cant come in no more but dont want to say anything while he has DS, any tips on how to put it nicely ?

OP posts:

middleeasternpromise · 14/04/2013 13:37

How long has he been your ex? This is classic ex behaviour, you cant leave anything lying around and I mean ANYTHING! It's part of the old relationship vow, whats mine is mine and whats yours is mine until I say I dont want it anymore. Its what they do, its why they are an ex!

Original poster

SummersComing1111 · 14/04/2013 13:39

Been broke up over 8 months he still wont drop it tho txts everyday, i dont reply tho just shocked i think, he was ment to be watching DS on the sofa but took the two mins to go threw my phone instead !!

OP posts:

middleeasternpromise · 14/04/2013 13:44

Wait till he recruits the kids to his secret surveillance service. I usually stand outside the bedroom door and listen to him asking my DDs - 'where is mummy going?' 'who is mummy going to the party with?' 'did mummy say where the party was?' - tell daddy mummy didnt tell us that but she did say, now what was it, oh yes its none of your effin business.....

Original poster

SummersComing1111 · 14/04/2013 13:47

Haha middle, its so strange why they wont drop it i really dont care what hes doing, or who is seeing aslong as DS is being looked after on his 5 hours! Soo how do i tell him he cant come in no more? Without started WW3 ???

OP posts:

TigerSwallowtail · 14/04/2013 13:55

My ex done this too, and after 4.5 years apart he still won't drop it either. I've had a restraining order against him, i'll only communicate through a solicitor, I'm getting married and am expecting a baby next month and he's going to be a dad again at the end of the year too yet he's still acting the same and seems to think I'll be back with him at some point. I'd love to be able to tell you controlling ex's eventually back off but I don't think many of them ever do.

IneedAyoniNickname · 14/04/2013 13:55

Why are they obsessed with it? Ex asks th dc every week if I've got a bf! Like its any of his business

PTA · 14/04/2013 13:55

Is he reliable, ie does he always turn up at the right time, every time?

If he is and you don't want a confrontation, just make sure ds is really ready to go and all he has to do is put his coat on. Have it ready by the door and take ds with you when you answer the door, out his coat on and hand him over.

When he come back, be waiting and say to ds "don't take your coat off we are going to the corner shop/cafe/grandparents/whatever", turn him around and straight back out, not letting Ex across the door.

Alternatively, park/cafe/any neutral gound for handovers? Again, only if he is reliable.

YourHandInMyHand · 14/04/2013 13:55

Summers you stand in the front doorway, hold your hand out for a bag/coat/toy. Ask if dc has been ok, then cheerily say "ok dc, give Daddy a kiss goodbye and you'll see him on NextvisitDay - all while standing in the doorway so he can't get past. DC gives Daddy a kiss, you pop them inside and get them to wave byebye, stood in the doorway with you.

^This worked with me and my ex is a controlling, manipulative, sulker. You should have seen his face when he realised he wasn't coming over the threshold! It worked though. Now and again DS invites him in to see something and he looks at me to check it's ok, before he would stride in like he owned the place, making snidey comments and nosying about.

You don't have to have a big convo about it, just change what you say and do at handovers so that there is no NEED for him to come in. On pick ups have dc ready, or don't open the door until they are ready.

YourHandInMyHand · 14/04/2013 13:56

Great minds PTA.

middleeasternpromise · 14/04/2013 13:59

You say Ive had the phone dusted for finger prints and until the lab results come back Im afraid I cant let you in, this is now a crime scene and Ive had to seal the house off to all that dont live here. Sorry about that but some ass has been going through my phone and I cant live like that Im afraid, so until I know who did it no ones coming in. Move along nothing to see here.

Ironically your lack of interest is no doubt driving him mad. If the above doesnt work you could try meeting him at the door step and blocking his way. Tell him, you've seen mine I want to see yours hand it over. If he doesnt offer up the phone take child shut door.

PTA · 14/04/2013 14:04

My ex-bil used to pick my dniece at my mum's house. For some strange reason he used to come into the living room, then he'd only come as far as the hall, then it was the front porch and then the street (meaning he'd have to come into the porch to ring the bell and then go back out!) Finally he used to pull up in his car, pamp the horn and dniece would go out to him!

I found it really strange as we all still spoke to him, were pleasant etc.

Sorry OP, not much help but it shows that sometimes they can modify their own behaviour or maybe ex-bil found us too intimidating .

And yes YourHand, great minds! .

Original poster

SummersComing1111 · 14/04/2013 14:04

He usually turns up 10 mins early because thats how i started it son in pram ready to go so he comes early and usually brings him back half hour early to ,, i have tried it but he just steps in past the pram, i shall try again :) if not ill say something last time i caught him looking threw a draw... WHY he said checking i had wetwipes WTF , sorry all u others are having hard times to , crazy ex thread ??

OP posts:

Fleecyslippers · 14/04/2013 14:05

Ex had an affair and has since reproduced with OW. Yet he is still obsessed with asking the kids about my private life. With him, it's all about control - or the fact that he doesn't have it any more.
Agree that door step handovers are the way to go. he can deny it out loud all he wants but he knows what he did. Arsehole.

Original poster

SummersComing1111 · 14/04/2013 14:20

Middle - yes i should try that go all CSI on him,

All we can do is laugh really, im gonna be like a bodyguard with my front door at 4 oclock !! Actually excited ..... Today is a dull day ha

OP posts:

Mags11 · 14/04/2013 20:16

summers love that you have him as prick on your phone.

HerrenaHarridan · 14/04/2013 21:25

Yy to stand blocking the doorway and do not move.
Excuses re going straight out again for a few weeks if necessary.
If you find that isn't working arrange to meet him at yours mums a friends the park etc

Yy to crazy exes going through things, I moved house when we split up, the first time he came to my new single mum house he walked straight in (doors are now ALWAYS locked)
Walked PAST dd (not even a hello) with his muddy boots on (pet hate) through my whole fucking house ( that we had shampooed the carpets the eve before!!!!!!!!!) into kitchen put kettle on, went through cupboards and fridge ( and I don't mean he just looked for the tea, he doesn't even take milk) made HIMSELF a cup of tea and sat down

middleeasternpromise · 14/04/2013 21:54

DCs father visited today for the first time in several months and then tells the children he would like to have a shower! DC say err dont you need to ask mummy about that ? He says no shes asleep (Im actually just avoiding him in bedroom where I keep the phones and laptops and personal docs when I know hes on his way round). Youngest DC sneaks off to ask me if he can have a shower and tells me the story thus far, I listen intently - 'so can daddy have a shower' - no I'm asleep remember.

ivykaty44 · 14/04/2013 21:59

make sure when he retunrs you slip your coat on and have your door keys in your hand and then shut the door behind you. Walk round the block no need to go anywhere.

If he asks say I don't want you snooping in the house so don't want you in there. If he then says he doesn't you can say well that fine then but I still don't want you in the house so it doesn't matter - he will of course be arsey - but ignore ignore ignore

Original poster

SummersComing1111 · 15/04/2013 07:43

I DID IT ,, i blocked the door he kept trying to get in but i i just got DS out of pram on the path and said give daddy a kiss , he tried everything, ill bring the pram in, can i check the time, can i wash my hands, did i leave my headphones this morn, can i check. I stood my ground and feel amazing for it.

Obvs its not going go that smoothly tho as i then got nasty txts saying i never let him in cus my mum was coming or i was hiding something, so i just said no i no longer want you in my home as u went threw my private things and i cant trust you, i then got about 10 texts saying how much he doesnt care , and why would he want to come in, and that i problely deleted all the texts off all these men in texting.... I did this because i am psychic of course and new he was going to go threw my phone , its laughable .... I wouldnt mind as much if i was texting anyone but im not , i think hes borderline crazy..

Thanks for all the advice everyone , now just need to find a way to stop them all together .....

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 15/04/2013 07:48

I think the name you have him saved as in your phone answers the question "why" :)

My ex refused to return his set of doorkeys once the house became mine so I simply changed the locks without telling him. I hope that one day he tries to get in...

YourHandInMyHand · 15/04/2013 08:12

Well done!

Just keep at it, and ignore his texts. He'll probably be even more keen to come in next time so be prepared - he will get the message eventually.

I would perhaps send ONE text. "I would prefer that in future any communication between us is kept strictly to our DS so we can concentrate on parenting and leave our personal lives out of things."

If he continues to text you abuse and personal questions you could consider your next steps in terms of him harassing you.

ivykaty44 · 15/04/2013 08:50

strange aren't they when they try and have an argument about you not letting them inside and they come back with they don't want to come inside - well great cos we are both saying the same thing then

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